Forever Free - a life without booze, 2020 onwards.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a supportive place for anyone who no longer wants alcohol to be part of their life.
This is the 4th thread in a series. I started the first 30th December last year and have been sober ever since. I couldn't have done it without the tremendous support other posters have given me.
Previous threads are linked below and are useful reading for anyone starting out, as they are full of useful advice, suggestions for reading, and strategies for managing the tricky times. Plus you will see how similarly alcohol affects so many of us, and track the journeys of people who are successfully making the change and embraced a new and rewarding life.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

The only rules are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If anyone would like to use the new thread to (re)introduce themselves and give a wee summary of where they are at, please do!

I’m sorry, @jess3817. That’s horrible. But bloody well done for staying AF and running and yoga-ing!

Welcome back, @Rupertpenrysmistress 🤗

Sorry to hear that too @jess3817. Stay strong and you'll get through this with the knowledge you are dealing it with a clear head. I'll always remember Drybird's going on a bear hunt and having to go through it analogy.

A lot of us on here can't moderate @Rupertpenrysmistress, so it's good to have you back. I include myself in this so I keep posting and reading as a reminder for this.

I have not had a drink since early March, as I have a rare neurological condition and the nerve painkillers do not allow drink. Plus any alcohol could increase my nerve pain apparently, I don't know for sure.

So I have been pushed into a non drinking life due to medical reasons.

I am struggling on Saturday evening, when I use to share a bottle of wine with my husband.
I am also struggling on Thursdays evenings (I wouldn't normal think of alcohol during the week but it is my hospital day for iv steroids which I find stressful)

I don't drink hot drinks often, as I drop them when my hand grip fails. I can't drink anything with caffeine because of one of my meds don't remember which.

At the moment I drink a non alcoholic cider in a mug, to pretend a bit. But wouldn't it be mentally healthier to drink something else as a adult treat drink which isn't a mock alcoholic drink OR should I just carry on as I have being. Suggestions welcome.

Ps. I am under a lot of low level stress as I am house bound apart from hospital visits. I can barely walk a few steps and I am not allowed to drive for medical reasons. Thank goodness by children and husband are home to look after me and each other.

Thank you both of you -yes I remember that analogy! Thanks for reminding me. Think I'm calming down. I've felt very manic for much of the day. Welcome back @Rupertpenrysmistress. Hello and welcome to you @Worrysaboutalot that's a lot you have going on there. I drink ginger beer with ginger cordial in it - I like it hot lol. I haven't tried aby af versions of drinks yet and some of the other ladies here drink some lovely drinks wich im sure they'll tell you about. I'm wanting to try the af heiniken - not brave enough yet

Happy belated birthday wishes Myhands and good on you getting back on that horse wickelfish.
What a shame jess why on earth was your friend mean, did you have a fall out over something? That’s rubbish if DH unsupportive too. I think lock down has turned them all into mean-stressypants!

I’m plodding along here. Day 53. Work all day and gardening all evening seems to keep my mind off witching thoughts. I think I will take a meltdown the day I run out of AF beer and fizz, it’s definitely my new crutch.

Welcome (back) @Rupertpenrysmistress!

@Worrysaboutalot wow you have a lot on your plate. I love an alcohol free beer myself😊

@jess3817 you are flipping awesome for running and yoga-ing with everything going on. Sorry your “friend” and husband are being assholes. You’ve got this though!!!

Thanks Bunnies..got through it.
@iamyourequal. It was basically over her asking me if I'd been up to anything, I'd said not much, but got much hair cut. She sent a tirade of texts over what app calling me names and all sorts because I should be more tactful of her feelings because she can't go for a halt cut or have holiday plans / see family ( shed also asked me if I have any plans for the summer so, you know I answered ) where she lives is in lock down. She has a lot going on health wise and with her sons. And the friendship has always been intense. She use to send up to 30 texts a day and if you don't reply she keeps on texting until you do. She did back off few years ago after we had words, I've spent hours talking through her problems etc saying all the right things trying to help.

@jess3817 I love the sound of your ginger drink, I am going to try that.

Everyone else, thanks for the welcome :)

Welcome, @Worrysaboutalot. That sounds so hard for you. Would a glass tankard with a handle help it to feel more grown up and ‘drinky’? If you read back there are lots of drinks ideas, including AF sangria.

Sparklinglime I like that idea, a small tanker. I have to balance weight and niceness. Off to Amazon (again) or maybe Esty.

Crikey Jess your friend sounds a little unhinged, I think you have done the right thing breaking away from her, forever of until she sees sense and treats you kindly as her friend. Getting your haircut is hardly a crime!
Welcome back Rupertpenrysmistress and welcome Worrysaboutalot. You sound like you are having a really tough time health wise. I miss a Saturday night drink with DH too. I have Nosecco instead so I can pop a cork and have something chilled and fizzy in a nice glass. I’m so sad to hear you struggle to hold hot drinks, that must be frustrating.

Whoa...that sounds really intense, @jess3817. She may have a lot going on in her life but that doesn't excuse her behaviour. She can't treat you like that and expect you to stick around for more. You've totally done the right thing in removing yourself from the situation - waaaaay too much drama.

Hope you found a lovely tankard, @Worrysaboutalot. A nice glass/tankard/mug/teacup makes all the difference!

So glad it's Friday!

Sounds as if you are well out of that “friendship” @jess3817, welcome @Worrysaboutalot and hello again @Rupertpenrysmistress, I remember you from Reading through the old threads.

3 weeks today for me, I have gone longer but not without feeling deprived so big improvements and hoping to storm through the next 3 weeks :-) @iamyourequal the same for me with the AF lager but it’s low in calories, cheap (compared to what I was drinking), refreshing and AF so I am not worrying about it. I’m fine with ginger beer but it’s a bit sweet for me and water on it’s own is just a bit dull of an evening.

Thanks everyone for the warm welcome again! I don't feel as desperate as it did last time. I have had a few drinks over the last few weeks but, I just always feel below par, with low level anxiety. I was starting to think about how to fit drinking in, you know birthday's/celebrations/holiday's. I realised I am already giving alcohol too much headspace.

When I don't drink I feel fantastic, it's not worth the compromise. Day 2 today. I have downloaded a few books as recommended on here. I already have and love Alan Carr and Annie Grace, also have listened to we are the luckiest, it's quite emotional but uplifting.

Jess3817 your friend sounds quite self absorbed and draining,I have had friends like that, they take from you emotionally but never give anything back. Would you consider dropping this friend, I know it's hard that's why I still have a couple like this, I just manage to keep them at arm's length 😃.

Hello
Thanks for the welcome back and it's nice to see @Rupertpenrysmistress - makes me feel better about rejoining.
Day 5. Honestly, I find it difficult to be back at day 5, when I got to 110, but this is daft. I just have to quietly let the days tick along again. And day 5 is alot better than day 1 right. I'm beginning to get going again. One day at a time. I agree completely with not wanting to feel 'below par and low level anxious' all the time. I don't know if it's being menopausal but I found even a small amount of alcohol basically wiped me out for the next day, and I was wasting more and more days of my life because of a glass of wine the night before.

ontheshingle I hear you I hate being back at day 2, my last attempt I didn't bother counting at all, it seemed easier that way not so much of a challenge.

I had a couple of glasses of wine on Wednesday and honestly I still feel tired and just horrible. Not sure if it's an age thing?!?

I am at my parents for my wedding anniversary on Sunday but I really need to let my DM know I am not drinking, she will be fine I just feel like such a child and a bit weak really. That's my problem though I know I feel dab when af just need to wait it out.

I hope everyone else is having a lovely day, I have just been looking at some sweaty Betty leggings thanks to this thread, they are in my basket and now I don't know. Do they make you run faster? 😂 If so I may have to buy them.

“I just feel like such a child and a bit weak really.”

@Rupertpenrysmistress, can you reframe that as something along the lines of ‘I’m taking control and making positive, adult decisions.’?

I’m on day 200 AF (out of 203 days, due to blips). Very grateful for DryBird’s suggestion when I felt a bit lost after 100 days, to keep going at least til lockdown lifted. As the longer I’ve gone, the less alcohol appeals at all. It just doesn’t seem the answer to anything any more - not even as a treat or a pick-me-up. My mental health is still pretty horrible, have been sobbing down the phone to my (nice) GP this morning. Going AF clearly has a big positive effect on many people’s MH, but I’m going to need to do more than just AF (and ADs, HRT etc). I’ll keep buggering on.

Thanks for the kind relplies. Feeling a lot better today.
Well done @SparklingLime 200 days is fab! Keep going and stick with it.

Checking in with the sober heros on a chilly evening in Oz...

First period in years not going well (I worked out it's more than 5 years actually, more like 6 or 7).

Am rage filled, tearful food-bag with a touch of the horn. Poor DP both facinated and terrified (DP has never seen me on period).

May have another pie.

@Hangingover “a rage filled tearful food-bag with a touch of the horn”😂😂😂 Oh my god that is 100% me yesterday and today😂😂😂 (also on period) My husband is also terrified of me and simultaneously interested😂😂😅

@Hangingover that's hilarious😂 best description of it I've ever heard

😁 @Hangingover, that's me in a few days. I'm the scary pmt woman at present. Nobody cross me.

We are going on a holiday. I have been packing all bloody day in between refereeing kids' fights and wondering if it is really worth the hassle. Will let you know. There's not a lot of WiFi or phone coverage where I am going so probably won't post for a bit, but I won't be drinking so don't worry. 😊

Sounds like something that should be put on a t-shirt @Hangingover :-) Really interesting hearing what you are saying @Ontheshingle and @Rupertpenrysmistress, I am still at the stage where AF is a novelty that I am enjoying but I am storing up what you have said to remind me when I get further in that it’s not worth going back to drinking again. Thank you!

Have fun @Drybird2020!!! Enjoy the WiFi free time and don’t forget to pack your trainers!!! I loved my first AF holiday, didn’t miss the booze at all and so nice to be present and not have hangovers!