Staying Stopped - Alcohol Free, permanently.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a kind and supportive environment for anyone committing to an alcohol free life.

From Day 1 onwards, you are welcome here for support, encouragement, tips and chat. There are many of us, at different points on the journey some have been sober for years, months, or weeks, others are just starting out, but all are
committed to an alcohol free life and the freedoms it brings...

Freedom from the tyranny of booze and the effort of figuring out how much to drink, and how and when to procure and drink it.

Freedom from guilt, self loathing, and 3am wake ups, and the fear of what might have been said and done the night before.

Freedom from the pervasive sense of dread and shame.

Freedom to embrace life with energy, and to face challenges with an uncluttered head, a lighter heart, and a lighter recycling bin.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to hang out and ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

I check in here every day as part of my recovery. It has kept me accountable, and the wonderful posters who contribute have helped me more than they could possibly know. This is day 137, and I'll be here for a long time!

Having issues with some on AIBU. I have received £1,000 voucher from my (ex) boss to use on ... alcohol. Independent wine merchant - only sells booze and booze related experiences. This is a 'thank you' for my 12+ years of service - he said it's something me and DH can enjoy.

Am I being a total twat by feeling really upset!

I just can't fathom the waste... £1,000 on - literally - poison. Not being an ungrateful brat!

Hey @GreenMintTeaMug I've been following your posts about how difficult working life has been so it sounds as if you have earned a well deserved break from it. I wonder if you are feeling like that because you are used to being busy all the time and you are having difficulty changing gears. I had my day off on Sunday to myself and am feeling like a new woman this week. Do you have any more leave planned? You probably need more than an odd day to relax properly. Not sure if it's trashing enough but I recommend the Eurovision film on Netflix, it was good fun. Enough your trash whatever it is.

Hey all. Thanks for the support and hand holding. I drank copious Heinekin alcohol free beer and feel so much better that I did not succumb. I would have hated to have given in. I guess in the past relaxing has been about sititng around and drinking. So i was not sure what to do with myself!

Thanks Ulysses work has been brutal the past 4 months. No other way to say it. In some ways I was scared to take a day off because of what I am going to face tomorrow in order to catch up. I agree I need some extended time off. I have Wednesday off next week- thought it would break the week up. But I need proper time off it is true. I am a hair trigger from quitting.

I am so glad Ulysses that you are coming to the end of your own difficult work situation I hope. I hope the person who is taking over can get on and up to speed super fast. It's been a rough few months I know.

Thanks Bunnies and Dry. I felt you all behind me.

thisusernameismine I read a few of the posts on your other thread. I will go back and read it all. I hope you are okay.

Ah, @thisusernameismine I skimmed the thread in AIBU but didn't pay attention to your username (rarely do except on this thread where I "know" people) so didn't realise it was you! YANBU. I found it strange that a friend and someone who knows you didn't realise it would not be a welcome gift. I'll go back and read the thread more attentively.

@GreenMintTeaMug, well done getting over that bump in the road. I imagine you have a very clean bathroom. 😁

Morning all.

thisusername I see that you decided to invest the wine with the help of the merchant. That is a great idea, and it is not in your house. That was a really tricky situation. It's a shame it was not a mroe useful gift though!

My bathroom is cleanr- i even limescaled the taps. I did look for other jobs a bit yesterday as well.

I hope everyone has a very good day. :)

Morning @GreenMintTeaMug. I'm a huge advocate of taking time out to restore yourself and one day isn't going to hack it so I hope you get something sorted out that way. I get it what you are saying about the effort you need to take a day off, so it's probably at the back of your mind that you need to make the most of that time too. However, there's a lot to be said about doing nothing, the Italian's have an expression La Dolce Far Niente, the sweetness of doing nothing, so you might want to psyche yourself up to do that next Wednesday.

My girls are now off school, the guy taking over is in the team anyway and he's one of the good ones. There's barely a day where I don't work overtime (unpaid of course) but yesterday I took a break and went to take my DD9 to say goodbye to her teacher at school and it was so lovely to see her play with her friends again. Earlier, boss arranged a meeting for 12.30 to 1.30 so I ended up doing the video call whilst making cheesy pasta for DDs lunch too. No need to try and impress anymore and bend over backwards for people who don't understand working life with kids.

I like La Dolce Far Niente Ulysses that is a good approach.

I am glad that this guy is taking over. :)

I need a proper break. i am not sure how to do it, but that is a trap. There is only 3 of us at my level so we need to work around each other for holidays as the others have to pick up the work.. We have an organisaiton rule that no-one can take off more than 10 consecutieve working days. I can't even right now imagine taking 5. But it will have to happen soon, because it is either that or I quit and walk. (Although I might do that anyway).

It is good to not be drinking through this though. When i slipped a few weeks ago that was awful. Not drinking- even stressed I feel so much more in control.

I can get through today though. I was thinking when i woke up- 'I could just go in for a half day tomorrow and catch up a a bit' but i will try not to do that. Rather stay late tonight if need be. My overtime is also unpaid.

The paddleboard discussions on this thread have intrigued me though.... I might look into something like that. It sounds like fun!

what plans for the weekend everyone? Hope it is a greta one for everyone. :)

Hi @GreenMintTeaMug, I recognise that feeling of getting through another day. I took 3 days off at Easter so along with the weekend it was 5 in total and it was just so nice to get some breathing space. I've got two days next week myself and the full of the following week.

The weather is crap here so I am going to paint the room that has become my office this weekend. I am going to hide away my laptop and work phone too.

I am hoping the weather picks up during the week and I can take the girls out and about the days I am off. We are away to Alton Towers the following week. It's not my idea of fun but it's given DDs something to look forward to. I am very much the antithesis of a thrill seeker these days!

Are you in a position where you can leave your current job, @GreenTeaMug? If so I expect you wouldn’t know yourself afterwards - sober and free of all that pressure!

Sorry, I mean @GreenMintTeaMug.

Hi Sparkling i am defintiely considering it. I spent a bit of time today thinking of my options. It made me calmer also. Ironically- it ended up not being a bad day!

Anyway- I do hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

That’s good, @GreenMintTeaMug. Having options makes such a difference.

Good to hear you have options @GreenMintTeaMug! Don’t feel afraid to make a bold choice!!!🤩

I feel braver and more energetic as time goes by... Apparently I’m now the sort of person who goes for an early morning swim, and then for a run at 9pm😱😱😱 Feeling pretty epic today and not missing booze at all. I do sometimes miss my smokes😭😭😭 but today was a good day and I didn’t crave them too much.

Hope everyone else is well too.

Hello all
I've just got home from an evening in custody (working, not detained) and it's become routine to read through the thread to see what you've all been up to and bask in our collective glory of being alcohol free and happy. Lots of drink drivers in tonight from all walks of life.

Struggling a bit with OH. He made an extremely rude, unnecessary and unkind remark to my child today. Totally uncalled for (I'm really hot on discipline and would be the first to call said child for any misdemeanours). I bloody seething at him. Normally I would have said something and he would have said it was to do with alcohol (even if I hadn't had a drink or a single glass). It's made me think with clarity. Things are tricky with him right now. My child was very reflective and when we chatted about it said "he's a prick who just doesn't know when to stop". I should be more like said child. Our relationship is really quite unbalanced.

Not really to do with the thread but feel better offloading one your lovely lot.

Good night - hope I will sleep, I've passed the tired stage. I feel a bit tipsy which is impossible given its day 67. 123 days this year.

Morning all.

myhandsareverycold how old is your DC?

Offload away. We are here and happy to listen.

I think (FWIW) that alcohol use means that it is easier to squish the bad feelings down hard and not let them see the light of day. Stopping that means clarity comes back. I hope you are okay.

Drink drivers... pubs are open from 6 am today I hear. That's insanity! we are definitely planning on keeping things quiet today as our teeny tiny village has a total of 9 pubs in the high street alone plus one very rough sort of pub one street behind the high street. I have just counted that up and am agog. I knew we had loads- but the High street isn't that long!!

My 'thing' for want of a better word is trips away. I am currently watching crusiing with jane McDonald on the tv and she is in Vienna. Oh sigh. I am desperate for a trip somewgere! DH and i used to go to Vienna for the christmas markets before the Dcs were born. It was one of the best things ever. Highly recommend. My not-drinking savings account is steadily rising.... maybe this will be our trip this year if things get relatively back to normal. Something to dream about anyway!

Just popping my head around the door, I don't post much nowadays but these threads helped tremendously in the early days of getting and staying sober.
I'm a week (and a bit maybe) over 6 months alcohol free now! Life is far far more enjoyable without constantly thinking about buying alcohol, drinking it and dealing with the fall out from consuming it.
I'm determined to make it to a whole year clean of poison and then carry onwards.
I have been working throughout covid which has helped me stay mindful and healthy.
The sleep is glorious (was using 750ml and then some of wine to sleep/switch off/blackout), it is a bloody revelation to have pure sleep!

Wish you all well on your sober paths

PS really proud not to be taking part in 'Super Saturday' ... smug almost .

Ohhh @GreenMintTeaMug I love a city trip and I’ve never been to Vienna!!!

@myhandsareverycold that sounds tough. You are free to offload and like @GreenMintTeaMug says sometimes not drinking can provide one with real clarity.

I know it’s none of my business but your relationship sounds concerning. It is one thing (though also utterly unacceptable!!!) for your partner to be so controlling of you but it is quite something else for him to be unkind to your child. And to such extent your child called him a prick!!! Try to look at this situation objectively (hard, I know): If a friend told you this was happening to them in their relationship, what would you advise? Because I would advise any friend of mine to leave...!

This situation does not only have the potential to damage you (psychologically), but it also has the very real potential to damage your child, or your relationship with your child.

Please feel free to ignore me if I’m totally out of line... But to me you sound like a wonderful, smart, caring, funny, brave person... And do you really need this man in your life...?

I might regret posting this (after all it’s none of my business), but I do think the difficulties you are experiencing are very relevant to this thread. Often we drink to suppress bad stuff, or because we don’t think we are worthy of love or lovely experiences; and I think a big part of giving up alcohol is realising that we are strong, and worthy, and brilliant, and we don’t deserve bad stuff in our life😊

Crossposted with @HowlsMovingBungalow! Well done @Howls on the six months!!!

Yes what Bunnies said. You do sound like an amazing strong person myhands.

Lovely to have you drop in Howls! I am also feeling smug about Super Saturday.

Morning all, day 4 AF and god does my sleep feel good 🤩 ready to tackle tie world today.! Happy weekend all x

Yay stoptheride! I was wondering how you were doing! It is so good to see you. :) You have a great weekend also.

Ohhh well done @stoptheride!!! So glad you’re getting on well!!!