I need to stop

[qwertyl]

Hi, hope everyone is well and coping physically and mentally. Please, please let me have recommendations to quit the booze. I had a serious problem pre lockdown, it's got worse, I feel awful every day and need some advice for day 1 - did anyone read a really good book or follow a blog? For background, husband serious alcoholic and there is loads of booze in house continually so I need to be able to do this 'alone'. I need to get into the right mindset.....

Just chipping in here. I am three years sober with AA. Was doing coke heavily also. Husband was my partner in crime. Two years after getting clean and sober my husband still hadn't come off the booze. However he is now six months sober. We have never been happier...I know it sounds cliched but To me it's an absolute miracle as the odds were stacked against us. What I have learnt through all of this is that you both have to do it for yourselves. It was hard getting sober with husband still in the house, but I made a calculated judgement that it would be harder without him. Whilst he was home I could get to AA meetings and didn't have the financial stresses of being a single parent. Two years in I was strong enough to give him an ultimatum that I meant, which was that I would have to leave him if he didn't enter into a recovery programme. He had hit his rock bottom by this stage and wanted sobriety too. He did it through a programme called SMART...
Good luck to you,....it's not an easy road, but any pain in recovery is infinitesimal compared to the pain of alcoholism

My husband is now 10 years sober and has done it with AA. He is a bit of a floater re god etc but try substituting god or higher power as it’s called with the marvel of nature. He admires a clear night , a blue sky , the tide coming in and the season changing etc. He substitutes that in his head. He went to AA saying his wife had a desire for him to stop drinking but he did the whole 90 meetings in 90 days (admittedly much easier out of lockdown )and as it says listen to the similarities. He ws not sitting on a park bench drinking or even waking up and drinking for breakfast but his life and therefore our live was completely out of control. He had tried control drinking, didn’t work, tried drinking stuff he didn’t really like ,didn’t work , tried not drinking during the week, didn’t work, tried not drinking before lunch time, all that happened there was he simply brought lunchtime earlier and earlier. He is a changed person and I got back the man I married.

The god stuff nearly sent me running in the beginning - I'm glad it didn't

I think I'm becoming someone you'd describe as very passionate about the program !

Lockdown has really strengthened it as I have more time and space to really work on it

I am already like a different person but still me if that makes sense x

How are you feeling today @qwertyl. I hope you make that call today

Hi, I just came across this post today and I was searching for some help. I am in my 50 s and lots of stress with teenagers etc. I have found in the past few years, 4-5 that I am drinking way more wine and it takes more to satisfy me. Menopause has only added to it Now with Lockdown, I am home and no need to get up early so I stay up later than everybody else just to have more wine. I know I am physically and mentally addicted to it. I want to give up as I feel and look rotten and I am afraid I will get Cancer from drinking too much. I want to stop but I cannot imagine my life without it, what can I look forward to at night or at the weekends. My husband can take it or leave it and it so disciplined so he knows I drink too much and has told me but I cover it up and I do not want him to know I am looking for help in case it does not work and I would also be afraid to go to AA as I may know someone there and I would be ashamed. Even as I am writing this I have the craving and look forward to my first glass. I feel I am stuck and I have no willpower or even if I do stop, and then something bad happens will I go back again. About 20 years ago I did Hypnosis to give up smoking and it worked, I looked into it but its quite expensive at the moment for me. I know all the talking in the world will not help me, I just have to decide.

Hi sprout welcome! I have had some brilliant advice here and need to catch up on the last few posts but wanted to say hi as you are in a similar position to me.... for me it's mostly mental, I have to be in the right state of mind to want to stop. I am only on day 3 and it's so lovely and warm today, I've finished my work and now would be drink time. For me at the moment I am also terrified I will end up with cancer or liver disease. I really think just 1 day at a time. I have a really good book on the go and I'm trying to think about things I'd like to do this evening that I won't if I drink. I'd like to watch a programme and remember it.... I love reading at bedtime and most of all feeling less groggy in the morning. The other ladies will have much better advice as they've cracked it but maybe distraction will help? Can you head out for a walk and take each hour by hour to just get through 1 day? The ladies also recommended calling AA, maybe that would help as it can be anonymous. I also need to do that and I'm going to try this week a I owe it to these lovely ladies who have all given such brilliant advice. Good luck and keep posting

480widdio I have heard and read from many that cutting down works for some and it did for duchess I just am a bit all or nothing and have to just stop - tbh if I could moderate I'd love that, but I can't. I never have been able to. So for me one day at a time dry is how it has to be I think. 17 years is amazing, I'd love to join a zoom AA once I've made the call.

Thank you to the other ladies as well, you have all done so well. Great to hear how far you've come and of DHs situations too, fabulous you are both now sober

Sorry whiteflat and ahwig presses post! Ahwig that sounds lovely for you and whiteflat that's comforting to know as so many say I can't be sober with a alcoholic DH... right now I have to be!

On the cutting back issue. I do understand that it doesn’t work in the majority of cases.

I do feel though that trying to get SOME form of control of the situation is better than nothing while you wait to access other support. I got a GP appointment within a day or so but it could be harder during lockdown.

On the cutting back, believe it or not, my GP told me to go home and have a drink after my first appointment. He said it would be very dangerous to go cold turkey. I was on about 100-120 units per week. He then signposted me to a specialist.

They gave me 3 Choices...

Go into rehab as an inpatient.

Have a nurse come to my home 2 times per day to administer the medicine required. (I didn’t want this due to my living situation at the time)

Go on a reduction program with 3 appointments per week. Talking therapy, CBT and acupuncture.

So to the previous poster that said I was giving terrible advice, this was not given lightly and was based around my own experience of the actual system in place to help people.

Without proper support, I believe it could be potentially risky to stop drinking after some period of drinking 60-80 units per week. I stand by that.

Hi everyone hope your all doing ok. I'm in a similar position to you and have laid in bed with a hangover all day so I decided no more drinking. my 9 year old came to me this afternoon and asked why I haven't got wine yet and it broke my heart. I've read this thread through twice now for the support and would really like to know how your all doing!

Hi all

How's everyone doing ?

I had my 1st sober birthday on Saturday - as in 1 year sober not my own birthday

I was spoilt rotten - turns out lots of people really happy I'm sober which should tell me a lot about how my drinking effected them.

Alcoholism is a family disease - not just the drinker that's affected - thankfully though , it's a family recovery too - my kids are so proud of me now and it's just lovely to know whatever time day or night I am present and capable of doing whatever I need to do x

If anyone wants me to hook them up with some zoom meeting codes for AA meetings in lockdown give me a shout xxx

Hi. I have just been reading this whole thread. I am drinking too much and want to stop. Fed up with waking up in the morning feeling like crap. I would be interested in listening to a zoom meeting.

This is an international women's meeting that's running 24/7

There are also full timetables if zoom meetings in your local area if you google aa and your area you should find them x

I can't do anything like zoom unfortunately as I live in a small flat and couldn't get peace for longer than 2 mins but I am now on my 3rd day not drinking and going strong! I think what my daughter said to me has changed something in my way of thinking and for the first time in months I had a day off work today and was able to wake up this morning and do stuff with them, it was fantastic!

Well done, @bubblebubblepop91! You’re doing a fantastic thing!

Hi all,
I’m a long time lurker but never had the guts to get involved. I’m usually lurking while full of wine and hating myself.
I’ve been “off the drink” since July 2019, I lasted 3 months and have been sneakily drinking ever since.
I hide it from my husband and family who think I’m doing great.
I have two small boys and work full time, although I am working from home at the minute so my drinking has spiralled out of control.
I usually start drinking in the morning so I will be sober when hubby gets home.
I’m so ashamed of what I’ve become. I look awful and have piled on the weight! I used to take such good care of myself when it came to fitness etc.
Now I just look how I feel.
I’m determined to do it this time and I cAn relate to so many of you, Blonde, the post about texting exes is so me! Men I don’t give a shit about. I don’t understand drunk me. My husband adores me and when I’m sober I’m so in love with him.
I become a completely different person when I’ve been drinking.

34 years sober

Ama

How are you doing @Holyjebus ? There was some great support in this thread. I am on the day 4 of giving up one if you can find it? Lots of support on there - good luck x