Anyone living with an alcoholic in lockdown?

[sumsitup]

Name change for this thread as I don't want this following me around MN.

My DH is a high functioning alcoholic. He's been to non-residential rehab about 4 years ago and was sober for about a year then relapsed, then found moderate success with AA with periods of about 2-4 months of sobriety before going on a bender - eventually couldn't keep it together so has stayed away (his choice).

His triggers are financial pressures (he's self-employed) and work stress. Being in lockdown he's had work and financial stress and has been drinking every 3 or 4 days. This afternoon while I was out with DC, he got through a small bottle of vodka (13.3 units). He's passed out in bed but I'm dreading him waking up and picking a fight with me because he's drunk. We'll end up shouting at each other and I'll cry a lot.

It's unbearable. I just want to be back in to some sort of routine where he can go to the office and focus on something other than being stuck inside all day in a small flat with 2 kids.

Anyone else??

[fedup078]

I've name changed again . I was nc123.. further down but I have a long thread in the relationships board about drinking in the morning
I'm going to start divorce proceedings
I can't justify living with him with young dc in the house, he is a liar and a liability

[fedup078]

@SussexPup
I'm sorry
It's so frustrating that sometimes they can go for periods of not drinking. Makes you ask why they feel the need to start again when they know how much trouble it causes

[mdh2020]

There are too many us living with alcoholics. But please remember -
You didn’t cause it
You can’t control it
You can’t cure it.

All you can do is decide if you want to continue living with it. I know it is classed as a disease but while I have stuck by my DH through 13 years of illnesses, I told him flat out that if he didn’t stop drinking he would have to go.

[BritInAus]

So sad to read this thread. I too left my alcoholic partner a year ago. I totally get how hard it is, but for anyone on the cusp, be brave! Life not living with an alcoholic is so wonderful.

[Jobsharenightmare]

I'm so sorry you're in these relationships. I had a relationship with an alcoholic and I was stuck in the cycle with him literally marking on a calendar whether it was a good day or a bad day so that I could get permission (from myself) to leave when the bad outweighed the good. As if any level of abuse and shit parenting as a result of alcoholism is OK.

I just want to give you all strength and hope and when lockdown is over I hope other futures may start to become possibilities for you. Until then, look after yourselves as best as you can

[SussexPup]

Thank you all, for my husband it is intertwined with depression, a horrible mutual parasitic relationship. In the end I know if I left him he would have nothing, and I think he might kill himself which it an impossible dilemma. He refuses all help. I can only look after myself.

[AFitOfTheVapours]

@Jobsharenightmare has it so right. I think you only see the true extent of the dysfunction you’re locked in when you finally leave. There is a better life than that.
@SussexPup the suicide risk is a horrible one and so manipulative. Please don’t let that idea hold you prisoner. You and your dc deserve more.

[Bollocksitshappenedagain]

Please don't let the what ifs stop you. I ended it 3 years ago.

I had the guilt and then the pressure from him I have no where to go etc etc. 3 years on he is still here and still with his parents!

But the big thing was for me - even if he wasn't drinking (which for the last few years was maybe only a few times a year) it was still present. I was hyper alter for all the signals and those minuscule changes in voice / personality. A lot of the time he substituted it with codeine - ever harder to prove. His depression was just this weight hanging over the house.

Honestly it's like a weight I didn't realise was so heavy was lifted off me.

[fedup078]

@Bollocksitshappenedagain this is so true
We can't trust them
I shouldn't have had to check the level of wine left in the bottle yday morning but I did and I was right , he had drank some of it

[SussexPup]

@AFitOfTheVapours fortunately no children, just the dogs (which we got so he would have a reason to get up for, but guess who walks them every day).

[bluejelly]

I'm so sorry to hear you are trapped living with addicts. I was in a relationship with an addict for around 7 years. Leaving him was without doubt one of the best things I ever did, although it meant money was a struggle for a few years and my daughter was raised by a single parent. Happily she turned out brilliantly and I'm so glad I was able to protect her from the worst aspects of his addiction.
to you all

[AFitOfTheVapours]

@SussexPup, sorry, my mistake. Glad you’ve got the dogs for company, though, and hope you can find a better life outside the addiction madness. I found a good counsellor who understood addiction and it helped loads. Good luck to all of you!

[fedup078]

I think it just hit home for dh when I asked him to ring the estate agent and cancel our purchase
I'd just rang to cancel our sale in tears and couldn't manage to do it again

[SussexPup]

@fedup078 so sorry to hear that, we had a long saga on house buying so I think I have an inkling what you might be going through. Sending a hug. Be strong and do what is right for you.

[fedup078]

We could have had such a good life together but he won't even admit he's got a problem

[fedup078]

How's everyone doing?
I'm just patiently waiting for him to move out

[SussexPup]

Not doing well. Awful night......sitting crying psyching myself up to call Alanon.

[fedup078]

@SussexPup I'm so sorry
This was me last year. My first Mother's Day, 2 months after dc was born and 2 months after my own mother died . Dh spent the whole weekend shitfaced
Is there really no way you can leave?