Anyone interested in cutting down - especially not drinking wine at home during the week

[Lemonsaretheonlyfruit]

Hi

I'm probably in a fairly common situation on here and have been going round in circles for a few years with this.

Single parent to 2 DC. Pretty stressful job and am on average a bottle of wine a night. One of my parents was an alcoholic and so I am only too conscious of the damage it can do and the merry go round that goes with It.

If I could cut out the wine at home and only drink when I went out or had a friend over (2 nights a week on average) then I think I could settle with that. It would be a whole lot better than where I am now.

Things I know.

I think the expression in AA is 'sick and tired of feeling sick and tired' - I am definitely sick of it all. The waking up feeling like shit. The carbs I eat the next day. Not giving the best of myself to the DC, no motivation to exercise and the subsequent 2 Stone weight gain.

I can't have one or two glasses. I have no off switch. So the dry nights have to be totally dry so that means no booze in the house and no trips to the shop- DCs (Both at secondary school now so easier to nip down to corner shop than when they were younger annoyingly)

I stopped for a while before and the thing that kickstarted it was the v popular 'The unexpected joy of being sober' so am re reading now. It really helped.

I have just had the first Saturday night in as long as I can remember without wine and I feel so pleased and happy and clear today. I'm going for a swim. I need to remember this.

Are there others out there who would either like to do either .. no drinking at home or it could be .. only 2 nights drinking in a 7 day week (well aren't they all 7 days ? )

Hi you posted on my thread!
Yes I would like to join you x

@HedgeHogFoxBadger hi. Yes I did but then I realised I had unintentionally hi-jacked your thread and had better start my own.

How was last week for you in the end?

Yes please,

I’ve been on soooo many threads about giving up or cutting down. Think best I did was two weeks a couple of years ago.

I end up waking up around 3 and not being able to get back to sleep. Am five stone overweight. Wake up panicking about the effect it’s all having on me.

I like the idea of not giving up completely so having a glass of wine if out with a friend or on a Friday or Saturday night is good. Also drinking white wine and soda with low alcohol wine a couple of nights would count for me at least initially. If I have two of those it’s only one glass of wine.

Am starting tomorrow. Having a nice roast later so will have a couple of glasses of red.

I really struggle as DH never wants to give up. He does a lot of the cooking and likes a g&t or two while cooking and then wine. So I have it too. Major FOMO. He is happy to stop drinking after dinner but I like to take a glass through to have while watching tv.

I’m starting Weight Watchers tomorrow and am determined not to drink this week until Saturday.

I just hate it when it gets to early evening and I think oh I’ll have some wine (like tonight!)

@Peridot1

Hello. I get your situation. I suppose I am lucky in that I don't have someone right next to me having a glass or red/ white had having that fomo feeling.. that said even on my own I have it anyway! It's hard.

I had a great sober Saturday and went swimming today...but had an arrangement to see a friend tonight so was round at hers. I knew I'd have 3 glasses or so and am nit beating myself up as my big thing is drinking on my own in the evenings. So I haven't done that. But next 3 eves are on my own so that will be the true test.

Yes the weight thing is so connected to the booze isn't it? I really believe that in our situation it's the booze that has to go (or go 2-3 of the time lat least) in order to lose.

Good luck with WW.

@HedgeHogFoxBadger

Yes I hear you. If you read my last post you'll see I did tonight but I think I would have managed not to if I didn't have an arrangement with a friend.

For me... I think that containing it to when I see friend or go out is enough as it's 2 nights a week max . If I could get the nights in sorted I'd be happy!

Good luck to us all for this week

@Peridot1 It has the same effect on me, expect I wake up with a racing heart. I switched from wine to G&T as it doesn't have this effect 🙈.

Interesting. Sometimes I think I might drink too much wine too, so might be in

I noticed as I was at my friend's last night (not fir the first time) that she seemed totally fine to stop after her 2 glasses whereas I was looking at our empty bottle wondering if there was another bottle in the house. Anyway there wasn't (thankfully) but I finished off the last glass in the bottle in my fridge when I got home.

Today is a new day. I am aiming this week for Monday to Wednesday this week with no wine. I have a work thing on Thursday eve that I'm duty bound to go to and will definitely have a couple there.

I am determined to go the next 3 nights however. If I manage it then that will be the longest stretch I've had in a while so I'll be happy!

My teen DD is very up and down at the moment and I am finding it stressful. I know my good intentions can fall to pieces if I have a tricky time with her which could well be the case tonight, so I have to find another way of coping that doesn't involve wine..

Anyway else aiming for Monday-wed or similar?

I'll try to keep you company OP. Weight and sleep are my two big motivations. Failed to go completely AF last night (nearly made it to bedtime so only 1 very small one - but I could have just gone to bed!!)

The other reason for me is that it eases the slight post-meal discomfort I tend to get after a nice healthy meal full of veggies. Somewhat undoes the benefit. Must make an effort to go to the fennel/mint teas before 'resorting'. Gah!

Huge family row here last night which culminated in me going to bed at 7.30 with a glass of red wine. Had also had two glasses of white before that.

DS is not speaking to me. Atmosphere is shit. I just want to cry. DH says I need counselling as I’m either unhappy or angry all the time.

No wine tonight will be a challenge.

Wow sorry to hear about that Peridot

How’s everyone doing? X

I did it! Day 1 sipping on rose sparkling water! Cooked a lovely dinner for me and the kids. Spent some time alone with moody DD2!
Did Bodypump at home this afternoon and walked the dog.

doing all right this eve. DH on his second glass of wine and I'm only a little bit tempted, but teenage DC is with us this evening so I am more motivated by setting a good example

@Peridot1 sorry to hear about last night. Not sure how tonight has gone for you, but what I will say Is that I really understand how it can be easy / normal times v stressed times that can make the difference. They could plot a graph want for glass of wine needed V how stressed you are in life. Are open to counselling or is he way off the mark do you think ?

I have a teen DD and things are awful at the mo. I went for a run this morning, floated into work feeling all virtuous and strong. I came home. she was so dismissive and rude and I went up to my bedroom to have a quick sob. Then I went to the shop to buy wine .. it's like a knee jerk thing. I am not beating myself up too much though as I waited until DD had gone to bed to have any.. thAt was only 10.15 so I have only had 1.5 glasses and the new me will be leaving it there!!

Well done @HedgeHogFoxBadger sounds lovely, and you too candy cane - sorry it won't let me tag u!

Thanks for the sympathy. Last night was not a dry night!

I spoke to DS and cleared the air. He’s 18. Dismissive and grumpy and rude so sounds similar to your DD @Lemonsaretheonlyfruit.

I’m definitely open to counselling. Although seems DH meant mindfulness or similar and was surprised last night when I said I need to see an actual counsellor. Going to email a few this week. Busy today getting house ready for estate agent to come tomorrow.

Anyway. Today is a new day.

You did well @HedgeHogFoxBadger. Impressive.

@Lemonsaretheonlyfruit - it’s so true about stress changing things. Things are not great with DH and to be honest the only thing we do together is drink. It’s all a bit of a mess and quite complicated. DS is a spoilt and entitled only child and will go to uni in September. He’s currently on a gap year but not actually doing anything. We had a stressful few years with him coming up to A levels and he’s actually seeing a psychologist himself. I feel I have so much shit going around in my head I could explode. Which is what I did the other night.

@Peridot1

Well if it makes you feel any better, new me did indeed nearly finish the bottle after my last post in the end. It's so hard when you are in the middle of turmoil isn't it to resist.

I really believe counselling is a good thing at certain times in our lives. I am on the verge of thing about it for my DD (it feels more than just the usual teenage stuff) .. but whilst I was at it, I was half thinking about giving my old one a call as a support for me as it's tough when the DC have issues isn't it? I honestly think I could have done without any wine last night had it not been for that.

If you can get any recommendations in your local area I would. I think there are quite a few out there who have gone into it for the wrong reasons. I'm not in a relationship at the moment , but I do recall what it was like being married to the DCs dad. It's a hard environment to live in when things aren't good between you isn't it?

Anyway I did manage a run this morning (have booked a holiday that involves wearing a swimming costume in April) which is motivating me- so I am beating myself up a little less than usual about last night!

I

Ah Peridot that sounds so tough. I do find running helps when it all gets on top of me, but not so easy in the dark evenings. I wonder how many unbought bottles adds up to one running machine...? Sadly rather a lot I expect ....

Cross posted lemons but likewise, sympathies. My mil is a great fan of those mini 1/3 size bottles. I have sometimes thought that might be worth trying as a bitmore of a stop sign?

@candycane222 - there is an app that calculates how much you save money-wise by not drinking. I tried it a few years ago. Was going to save for a luxury handbag. Didn’t obviously!

@Lemonsaretheonlyfruit - a friend of mine is a therapist so I might ask her for some recommendations. Had a look at info on a few yesterday and might email a couple for an initial appointment.

I did email the psychologist that DS sees last year as I wondered if she would see me mainly to do with things with him but she said she would have to ask him first which I completely understand and it was close to exams so I didn’t. She did say she could recommend someone if I needed to see someone for myself.

Sorry posted too soon.

It definitely helped DS to see someone. He had been having daily migraines and missed lots of school. Was obviously unhappy. Missed six months of GSCE year and ended up doing the exams at home. He asked himself to see someone. It was hard to get an appointment as they were all booked up with stressed teens!

And yes talking to someone for you will probably help you both too.

Please can I jump on here!

Have been trying to cut down for a while but not doing great, so hoping a support thread might keep me more focused. Like you @Lemonsaretheonlyfruit I definitely want to stop Monday - Wednesday initially and hope to build from there. I'm going to start as of Monday 10th, as i'm out Wednesday, Thursday & Friday this week and then we are away with friends this weekend

I'm late 20's and don't have any DC yet but it is something we are considering within the next couple of years. I drink pretty much every night; usually a couple of glasses of wine most nights but could easily do a bottle a night over the weekend. I can't actually remember the last time I had a drink free period longer than a couple of days

I'm not going to buy any wine with the food shop this weekend, if I don't have it in I wouldn't usually go out to buy it. always make sure I have it in

Does anyone have a drink they supplement with, I think that will help me stop thinking about wine if I can pour myself something refreshing and non-alcoholic which I enjoy?

I quite like no-alcohol beer. While Becks blue is a bit piddle-like, some of the others have a 'chunkier' flavour.

I am currently enjoying a decaff mocha coffee and just about managing to ignore DH's glass of wine. Now I'm making an effort to not drink everysingle night, I am really noticing he pretty much ALWAYS does - I might start sneakily counting his bottles...