Tryers to be dryers spring into spring, not as much wine, beer or gin. We sow our seeds of hope for a dryer season, but if we drink, it's for a reason.

[Frouby]

Thread 5 for Tryers to be Dryers. A thread for those who want support for moderating or reducing alcohol. Whatever you hope to do, whether it's to have more dry days, or be less wet when you do drink, come and join us for support.

Absolutely no judgement here, just friendly support and chat, the odd swear (lots of swears to be honest). All welcome, new and old tryers to dryers.

I’m inclined to sort it out among ourselves Dion. We’re fairly equal and separate really. It’s just that feeling I may have been shafted, but I suspect that’s more emotional than financial.
Yeah, it’s all good with their dad & wife. It wasn’t, for years, but we’re back to being the friends we always were, and the boys love it.
God knows what any future partners will make of it. XH was well against it, but who knows what the future holds? Not such an issue at the moment - we’ll just hang out and have a good time I guess.

Slinking back in. Feeling rubbish. So need to stop. Autumn i am in a similar position. Know drinking doesn't really help but the numbing although temporary just so tempting.

Nc hugs, it's really hard to formally end something. Even if you know its the right thing to do.

Flossie 2 days is amazing! Go girl! I sleep better after 3 days AF. The first 2 nights I am up every couple of hours for a pee for some bizzare reason. I drink water instead of beer which is good, but not good for a restful night.

Rightway welcome back. Most of us feel the same and know we should stop or reduce but it's difficult.

Working today, then got dd at hairdressers later. Sigh.

Checking in, Day 17 AF and of the BSD for me.

Welcome back, Rightway. I am with you and Autumn. I drank yesterday for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

Water how are you feeling on the BSD? Have you got more energy? I’m permanently tired at the moment, and I can’t remember how I was when I did it.
I remember my periods went funny but I lost 8lbs in the first month.

Slight headache today. That’s what you get for guzzling cider in the sun. We needed a nice bit of family time though. DS1 is out the other side of his nightmare patch he was going through last week, and DS2 was able to slightly communicate what he’s feeling (he goes into his shell when he’s upset). It could very well have been an evening of kicking off and meltdowns but it wasn’t. We made holiday plans and had pudding and hung out in the sun.

I really need a good run of AF days now though. MadameF, I think you’re right about it taking a few days to feel the benefit.

Nc4 - I too think that’s great you are in touch with the father of your boys. Really positive for them. I wished I had been able to do that, however my ex is a complete bell end so wouldn’t have been a functional relationship 🙄

Frouby - I’m trying to get dd to the hair dressers too. She refused for about 3 years. Then we bribed her to go with a wash and cut at tony and guys. It’s been a year now and she’s refusing to have it cut again unless T&G’s again ffs. A mum friend does mine. Colours it and cuts for £45. It costs that for a bloody cut for dd in the salon ffs!! Bloody teens!! I’m standing my ground too but in doing that she’s beginning to look like she’s got a wig on from the 70’s!!

I too also drink for no reason other than I want to!! Simple!! And I hate wanting too but I just do!! My 2 nights AF have simply been because I vomited on Sunday eve and I’m so phobic of it that it’s made me panic about anything I’m eating and drinking!! I’m hoping that I can use that to my advantage and dive into day 3. So it’s by default, not by will power and self restraint!! I haven’t got either of them!!

Oh don’t get me wrong, we had some very dysfunctional years, my ex and I. It’s why DS2 has such a strong bond with XH. But if there’s a silver lining to all this it’s that he’s turning to his dad to fill the gap.
I know his dad won’t abandon him.

Yep, nodding with Flossie in the ‘because I want to’ camp too.

Hi All. On the way back from Leeds. Didn't end up in Scotland so am considering that a win. Undecided about AF tonight. Am probably due another AF day but if DH suggests wine I probably won't object.

NC4 I think it's great going on holiday with XDP and I don't think most potential partners wouldn't be that phased. There are all sorts of families now. My best friend and her partner each have a two year old conceived by separate sperm donors who also have different second mothers involved in their lives - one of whom lives in America with but has shared custody of another child. It's complicated but no one else's business really and the kids don't get an eye.

Flossie good work on two days AF, whatever the reason.

Well done on 2 days AF Flossie. lol at dd's hair looking like a 70s wig.

NC4, yes, I do feel better for no / low carbs and no alcohol. My skin is starting to look better although I am still more florid than I'd like. If I look close up in a mirror I can see red veins, which I've had most of my life. When I was in my 20s I used to regularly go and get them cauterised (or whatever the technical expression is) but I stopped going when I was about 30 and haven't been back since. I don't quite look like an alcoholic farmer but closer to it than I'd like. It's a good reason to keep going with AF.

Have eaten supper of sea bass, green beans and broccoli with garlic, anchovies, rosemary and chilli. It was lush. So I am now taking to my bed with my huge jug of water.

NC4, I'm divorced (and remarried) too and get on really well with my ex, we are all friends so it works well.

MdmeForest, yes, I can pass on any alcohol except dry white wine or Champagne. I'm not tempted by any of the spirits we have in the house, not remotely. Or beer, or anything else really. Luckily the wine is in the garage and I don't want to break my diet enough to bother getting it.

Btw longest my sister once fell asleep on a train, meaning to get off in Bristol but woke up in Wales. I had to go and get her as it was late at night and there were no more trains. We were both in our 20s and luckily I had a car and hadn't been drinking so could drive to Cardiff to collect her.

Evening all.

Survived dds haircut, they have taken about an inch off it and put a few layers in so she's happy with it.

Am AF tonight. Chicken stir fry for dinner and had a suishi pack from boots for lunch, love suishi and even the prepacked stuff is low syns.

My new top arrived today and I quite like it, plus picked some new jeans up from next.

Just arranging a restaurant for after the dogs. Fancying tapas for a change, will be a zillion syns but it's only once a year. Hotel is booked already and am very looking forward to a night out.

Ahhhh frouby, your night away sounds lovely and very much needed. Love getting new clothes and have a plan in place like that. When is it you go?

Longest - glad all went well.

Water - I too can pass on anything but dry white wine and champagne. Bloody love the stuff!! Could drink it by the gallon!! And sometimes do 😂

After 2 nights AF, I’m wavering. I’ve got no soda water in the house which is my go-to with cut limes and lemons in it. So sadly only have ice cold dry white wine!!!!!!! Have a full size unopened bottle but also a 350ml size in fridge too, unopened!! Which one do I turn the top of........🤔

Ooh Frouby I am excited for you! Glad you survived dd's haircut. Dd1's haircut is a pain. She insists on keeping it really long. She hates getting it trimmed too but I have hit on a winner with the Turkish hairdresser who will do the whole cut and blow-dry treatment for £12, which she loves.

Have spotted DH has opened the wine. Resistance is futile.

Water, I can't help but feel it's more acceptable in your 20s after a late night....

Hi, it's dry white for me too.. sauvignon blanc usually. Had a mini bottle tonight which i managed to have in the fridge almost 24 hours without drinking..that is unusual.

Babysitter booked and posh Indian Saturday. I am considering driving so I can have one glass and focus on the food. We will see.

I'm not missing the anxiety or insomnia. Literally went over night on 24th April when I hit my breaking point.

My youngest a nightmare at bedtime. Good job no more wine.
Major screaming about having a bath. Then worse screaming that she wanted a bath for a very long time... argh

longest dd is the same. She wants rapunzel hair, think it's a teenage girl thing. I get away with it by booking her in with the senior stylist where I go. My hairdresser is the owner and only does certain clients these days, so I don't want to add dd to ger list as she's more expensive and cutting down. But the lady who does dds hair has been there 10 years and is a bloody good hairdresser and dd knows if my hairdresser is off and I am desperate I will let her do it. She also has it straightened to cut, so will tolerate it doing. She always asks for a tiny bit off but I always show hairdresser how much off when dd isn't looking.

My biggest weakness is beer I think. I do like gin and wine, but there is nothing nicer than a cold beer at the end of the day for me. Have had becks blue the last couple of nights and they just about take the edge off.

Just debating a pudding of raspberries and strawberries and lemon yogurt. What I really want is one of the cupcakes cousin bought round earlier. Fuck sake 😂😂

Frouby I always used to mouth to the hairdresser how many centimetres to cut DD's hair too. Usually at least cms instead of the half my DD wanted. Now she is older and wiser 18 she has opted for a long bob instead of hair half way down her back as she realises is it far more practical to wash and dry.
Is it this weekend you go away? I bet you can't wait!
Flossie how are you this evening?
Longest glad you got home OK and I wouldn't have resisted the temptation of wine either in the circumstances.
As it is, I worked in the garden until 8pm and didn't fancy a drink, so AF Day 3 here. It has been far easier getting up at 6am this week.
I wish I could give up chocolate for even one day, let alone 3 but I guess that is a different thread.

Struggled this evening. Chose the small bottle. So was 37cl bottle. Half a full bottle. Have drunk it. But then shit hit the fan here tonight and I want to now open the big bottle in the fridge and stick a bloody straw in the top!!
So dd2..her class do water sports for pe this next half term. They go sea kayaking and paddle boarding and co-steering (jumping off cliffs into the sea). It’s great for the kids. They all love it. Dd is becoming stubborn where her illness is concerned. She knows she keeps stopping breathing but is beginning to find her own fuck it button to press. She wants to do this Obviously school are reluctant as this poses a massive safeguarding risk!! But integration is needed so they should be looking into it. The first session is Monday and I have found out today they haven’t even contacted the centre to chat to them about dd. Also they’ve asked me what they should do and discussed risk assessment. Obviously I’m shitting myself. I don’t want dd doing it. I wished this wasn’t an option!! But it is. And she wants to be normal!! So what the fuck do I do?! And how can I facilitate this safely for her?! I asked dh and he started getting angry ‘she should do it’. When I asked ‘how?!’ , he got shitty. Because he too hasn’t got an answer!! Just want to curl up and cry as to how fucking cruel this world can be!! She’s 10 ffs. Wants to be like all the other kids. Looks like them, acts like them, mentally so bright, but can’t fucking breath properly!!
.......off to thump the life out of my pillow and scream to myself!!

That’s really hard Flossie, I’m sorry, I’ve no idea what the answer is. Well done on the snall bottle but I don’t blame you for wanting to dive into the other bottle.

Leaving, are you a Star Trek fan?! (Re your ‘resistance is futile’ comment = The Borg, who are, IMO, one of the best bad guys ever!)

I fear I may be your teenage DDs Frouby Flossie and Madame. Last year I went for the classic divorce chop and lopped off about a foot to a long bob. Regretted it almost instantly. Now I get a few mm taken off when I get my roots done.

Flossie that sounds like an impossible situation with the water sports. I can’t see how she can safely join in but I can see how upsetting it will be for her to miss out.

AF today and patience seriously tested.

Oh Flossie. for your dd2. And for you, who always has to battle against other people's shrugging their shoulders. I can only imagine how exhausting it must be.

Thank you. I feel so numb. I fight every inch of the way for dd to be as ‘normal’ as possible. To integrate and to be included. Against everyone’s perceptions of what she can and can’t do. But I feel I can’t make this one better. I’m not sure I can push this boundary. And that’s when I realise how fucking shit this really is. When things are bumping along, and we can adapt and cover up, I actually start fooling myself that things are ok. But then something like this crops up and I have a stark reminder that things are far from ok. In fact I have no idea what the future holds. And that scares me.

Just checking in to say it's day 18 AF and BSD here for me.

Feeling cheerful! Off to see a friend later and looking forward to that.

Flossie, is she managing to attend school now? I hope you find a compromise that works. Can you speak to the provider directly?

She’s managing a couple of hours a day if we are lucky. We play it Day by day currently. I’m meeting the provider directly tomorrow, together with school staff. I just know I’m going to have to break her heart and tell her she can’t do yet another thing she sooo wants to!! Life’s a shit sometimes!!