Tryers to be dryers spring into spring, not as much wine, beer or gin. We sow our seeds of hope for a dryer season, but if we drink, it's for a reason.

[Frouby]

Thread 5 for Tryers to be Dryers. A thread for those who want support for moderating or reducing alcohol. Whatever you hope to do, whether it's to have more dry days, or be less wet when you do drink, come and join us for support.

Absolutely no judgement here, just friendly support and chat, the odd swear (lots of swears to be honest). All welcome, new and old tryers to dryers.

Madame Forest 💕 I hope you are floating in the clouds, metaphorically at least (unless you’ve been on Longest’s fancy tea).
You all look lovely.
Back to school, sobriety, gym and life in general tomorrow. It’s been so gorgeous I feel like I’ve been on holiday. I can’t believe what a difference I feel to even a few weeks ago 😊

Beautiful family Madame Forest you all look so happy and healthy. Hope you are still buzzing and your house purchase is progressing nicely.

2 buds and a can of carling last night. Love lager but looking at photos my cousin took yesterday it loves settling on my belly as well. Fuck sake.

Housework, allotment and ponies today. Also need to do some shopping, and am contemplating a bottle of rhubarb and ginger gin as I love it and will chose that over lager. And definetly need to not be chosing lager. Am soooooo fat. Even my harems from last year feel snug. Ffs.

Frouby I hear you. I had 4 cans of Kronenberg yesterday. It needs to stop. I’ve had some shocking photos over the weekend. I used to be quite stylish but these days I resemble a potato.
New week today, and back to school. Time to start tracking WW points, walking to work and going to the gym. There really is no excuse while the weather’s so gorgeous.
Hope everyone has a good start to the week.

I’m really going to try to be dry tonight. Dh has really upset me. Said some horrid things then blamed me for his reasons for saying them. I don’t know what I’ve done to make him shitty with me. We had such a great weekend and he was lovely. He pulled me closer..now thrown me away again. Don’t know where I stand. I never ask him for emotional support. I wouldn’t dare. If I moan about stuff he says ‘little miss hard done by is off again’. So I just don’t!!
Today I asked why he’s so angry with me..he replied ‘I don’t know..remind me to grab my notebook next time and I’ll take notes in order to remember’. His sarcasm makes me want to smack him across the face. I’m so hurt inside. I want solidarity. Not sarcasm. I want love, not isolation. Ffs!! I want to stay AF tonight so I know if I want to drive away from him I can!! How sad is that!! Fml over and over

Oh Flossie. I'm so angry on your behalf. You really do deserve better. Much better. He's your husband FFS. How dare he be so unkind to you?

You've got solidarity here, my love.

I know everyone has arguments. I’m not naive to that. I know marriage isn’t plain sailing either. But all I ask is that I’m respected. I never ever ask him for emotional support. I go to all the meetings (and god some are shit!) about dd, all the hospital appointments etc. I juggle everything alone so as not to put too much on him ‘because he works long hours’. But surely simple normal respect is a normal requirement of a marriage??

It is. It’s the absolute baseline. Sounds like he’s resentful, which is awful to be on the receiving end of (and you totally don’t deserve).
Yes, marriage is hard work at times, but it is also supposed to be mutually caring.

Ive just been up to my old house to collect the last of my stuff. Had a brew with XH. Talked about getting divorced. I cried buckets, but we parted on good terms, with a hug and a kiss.
I may not be dry tonight after all. I'm a bit emotional.

You should 1000% be respected lovely. And have emotional and practical support. But you know this.

Do you have a Plan B if things don't improve? It might not be ideal, but always good to have a plan B.

Emotional abuse is as vile and destructive and as insidious as physical or financial or sexual abuse. Would a break help you get perspective? Would he leave, even temporarily for a while, until you have had a think?

Relationships can be tough and have periods of ups and downs. But if you are more down than up then maybe it's time to have a break and see how you both feel after a few weeks apart. Xxx

NC4 - that sounds heart breaking for you. I remember that conversation with my first husband about 20 odd years ago. So so hard. But so wonderful you did it over a brew and not over an argument. Sending you huge hugs lovely

Crossed posts with you frouby. Thank you for your lovely post. So kind to take the time.
He has a temper. He thinks it’s ok to behave like that and everyone will be there as normal when he calms down. Trouble is I find it hard to have any time for him as I’m totally against tempers or sulks. It’s like a child behaving. But if I treat him like a child, he is immensely clever at turning it around and saying I’ve therefore caused his behaviour. I’ve tried taking control before. It doesn’t work.
I said last week if I hadn’t had wine, I would’ve got in car and driven away. A reason not to have wine tonight. I’m hoping he notices that I’ve clearly made that decision. He would never go..and then come back. If he left, he’d stay gone. He’s so stubborn he would never loose face or be seen to be weak. Despite what he stands to loose.

Flossie, sending you the biggest hug and oodles of strength. Frouby's idea of a plan B sounds good.

More hugs for NC4. Heart wrenching.

I felt a bit hungover this morning and there's no excuse really- was just in end of holiday mode. Back to work tomorrow. Will be AF tonight. Knackered after girls requested a post school swimming trio and there's still woodcraft folk to go but it's been nice spending a bit of 1:1 time with dd2 and we got her Easter egg hunt in so she's happy. DH not on great form but has been to work today.

Epic fail!! Fml

Me too Flossie. I had an angel on one shoulder, saying ‘go to the gym, you’ll feel loads better’, and a devil on the other, saying ‘wiiiiiiiiinnnnneee....’

Guess which won?

NC4 - I had those exact angel and devil too. Same one won unfortunately!!

I also had angel and devil on my shoulder. Promised myself an AF night after 2 weeks Easter hols and far too much alcohol. Bought a bottle of AF wine etc... Then had a very low day with kids going back to school, hols over, also the anniversary of losing my Dad, so wine won!

Flossie - sorry your DH is being a knob. You have a lot to cope with and I wish he was more supportive.

Just catching up. The DC have evidently just reverted to toddlerhood. The past 2 days have just been an eternal round of "Mummmeeeeeeee", "look at meeeeeeee", "watch meeeeeeee", "play with meeeeeeee", etc, etc, etc. Including from the 17 yo.

So many hugs are needed here. Flossie, I don't know what to say. When you write He has a temper. He thinks it’s ok to behave like that and everyone will be there as normal when he calms down , though, it is as if you are writing about my XH. He did exactly this. Then he just assumed everyone would carry on as normal after he had behaved like this, when we were all still reeling from it. I know it's almost unthinkable to be wondering what your options are, especially given your DD's illness - but sometimes even having a Plan B in the back of your mind gives you a bit of strength. You might never put it into action, but knowing it's there can sometimes take away some of the powerlessness. Other than that, all I can do is send you love and strength.

NC4, huge hugs to you too after your meeting with XH. That must have been so hard for you. I'm glad you're feeling generally better, though.

MadameForest, I'm just so happy for you. The pictures are gorgeous, and you are beautiful.

Rushing out now to take DD out, but will be back later. AF last night, but only because I had the hangover from Hell and had not slept the night before.

Feel like I am always moaning but dh's illness is a bit like a weight that pulls me down when I am trying to swim. He is working from home today so I asked if he could hang out the washing load I had put on. He made a bit of a performance about his ME and I felt disproportionately cross about it. It's only the washing, it's not going to ruin my ife if I have to take it on, but it's the same if I ask him to fetch some milk on the way home and it just feels like we are not a partnership any more. Plenty of people have it worse, including him, so I do get why getting angry is ott and unjustifiable but at the same time it's shit, and the house has that depressing "sickness here" feeling hanging over it like when someone is in bed with D and V. Some of what you say about your DH Flossie is a bit close to the bone here too, but slightly less extreme. When things are good they're really good and when they're shit they are really shit.

Well the BH weekend was not a good one for my liver! DH came home early on Wednesday so we had a couple of glasses of wine as that was us finished for Easter. Thursday night was take-away (and more wine). Friday we had friends round and we sat in the sun in the garden drinking cider. Saturday we went out (more wine). Sunday roast (more wine). I added up 31 units in 5 days. Not so good. Nothing since Sunday though, and no intention of opening anything until Friday!

Hope you all had a lovely weekend though, the weather made for a fantastic few days. x

Dion - thanks hunny. Such a kind message. When you used the words ‘still reeling from it’..that’s exactly right. Horrid empty feeling. Then the guilt that you’re not helping to pick things up..but I can’t just forget. It takes time.

Longest - I just want to wrap you up and give you a hug. I totally know what you mean when you say there’s a sickness feeling in the house. It’s worse for you because it’s a grown man. It just be so debilitating for you. I can totally understand why it would make you frustrated that he wouldn’t bring the washing in, or get milk on his way home. It’s the dumping it all on your shoulders that’s the frustrating thing. And no understanding that you are actually the one keeping the boat afloat. Would his ME really stop him popping into a shop on his way home?? If he’s out already?
You must be emotionally exhausted. And feel alone. Sending you big empathetic hugs.

Oh Flossie. You are such a sweetheart being so kind to me. I know I don't have it worse at all but you are so lovely wanting to offer support. Let's look after each other eh?

Apparently carrying heavy stuff sets him off. And I don't think he's making it up at all - he looks physically different when he is going through an ME episode- kind of grey and drawn. But equally I want him to kind of get on with it more than he does, and have no idea whether this is fair or not. Probably not,but then there's all the emotional neediness on top - he gets stressed out about the most ridiculous things, it sometimes reasonable things that are stressing me too but I can't just take myself off to bed because I can't deal with it. But then he gets an actual temperature if he's stressed - physical flu symptoms, so I do know it isn't just that he wants to opt out and leave me to deal with things. it's such a headfuck.

Having an ill partner or husband tends to be like having another child in the house. They expect sympathy and cuddles and medication spoon fed to them and a note to get out of adulting. DH does anyway. I find it more exhausting than the kids being ill.

My wanker of a bil has Ms and other issues. He's fit enough for day long drink sessions, to go fishing for the day and generally do whatever he likes doing, but the minute dsis asks for help with the dcs he has a headache or is too ill.

I couldn't live like that. Am the most unsympathetic person anyway. I get on with it usually so expect everyone else to as well. Which is probably a bit rotten but I can't help it.

Had a lovely morning on the allotment with ds and his little mate. Gave them a dibber, a bed, a pack of peas and a bag of compost and told them to get on with it. They loved it.

Just waiting for dh to get home then nipping to tescos for a few bits and then probably collapsing on the sofa. With a can most likely.

Am making the most of lager, have decided I need to lose weight drastically and the only thing that seems to work for me is fatclub. Found a slimming world group near me on a Monday night so have told dh, and told dd so am going to have to go now. Last time I did it I lost nearly 3st, only stopped going because I couldn't shift the last stone, but am going to set my target weight a bit higher, can always adjust it once I get there!

Anyway. M and s dine in also on this weekend so am having pie and chips plus a bottle of wine on Saturday. Should stick at least 2lbs on monday nights weigh in, which I can then lose next week and have a fab first week and be on my way to my first sticker and certificate 😂😂😂

Frouby - I’m totally with you on the fatclub front!! I hate my body. And therefore think everyone else sees me the way I see myself. Fat and frumpy. When I was slim a couple of years ago after loosing loads at SW, I literally floated around in confidence!! I need to go too. But can’t summon up the initiative to actually go. Hate the first week class when you have to sit and listen to all the crap..like people clapping over choosing a kit Kat rather than a mars bar!! I’d like to fast forward to the second week when you can turn up, weigh, and run!!

I am the same, hate that first week listening to everyone wittering on. I don't care if you were at your Auntie Janets 60th birthday buffet and chose salad and a couple of ham sarnies to be honest Sandra, you didn't gain 3lbs from 2 ham sarnies and a portion of salad love 😂😂😂.

I did actually used to stay to group when ds was tiny, mainly because dh worked away and I was on my own all week with the dcs and was fucking bored, but I definetly won't be staying this time.

At least I can dump a courgette every week in slimmer of the week basket. Every cloud and all that.

Not into all the fake foods they promote though. Luckily am fat enough to get away with having a normal yoghurt instead of a bloody muller light. Got to be better than 3 cans of carling for pudding anyway.

Longest - sorry lovely, for some reason I missed your last post. I really do get what you’re feeling. It is an utter head fuck. It must bring you down with him. How do the children react?? Really do feel for you. Kinda get it too. I’m feeling so much frustration towards dd2 currently. She can’t help it obviously. But I’m so emotionally fucked, that I haven’t got much left to give. So even the smallest ask, is like the heaviest burden. The guilt piles on then too.

Frouby - Just pissed myself at your impression of Sandra and her two ham sarnies at the 60th party!! 😂😂. Why do they always come out with such shit!! And some of the recipes people concoct to share..I wouldn’t give my dog!! 😂😂