New Year, New Start. Probably dries and lows as we Tryers to be Dryers try 2019.

[Frouby]

New thread for the New Year.

Support thread for those who want to moderate and reduce alcohol. Absolutely no judgement, just advice and support. Absolutely everyone is welcome whatever your goals or hopes for 2019.

Am no good at clicky linke but there are previous threads and we look forward to continuing to moderate and reduce in 2019.

Especially today. 14 coming for 3 courses at 3pm and I have a raging hangover to start the year. Fml.

I understand about wanting your own space back. You’re poor DH - being mothered to death 😅

I NC for a post elsewhere but I'm on dry Jan and it's getting easier. For anyone else trying, I found the first week the hardest but it is getting better. Not yet ventured to a pub (not that hard to avoid this time of year) and I wouldn't say I'm not missing it BUT I have finally started to find some motivation to do other things. Instead of berating myself for not going to the gym/getting fresh air/seeing friends/reading a book (instead of zombie-ing to netflix), all of those things just seem slightly more appealing and less of a drudge. It's not quite the bounding out of bed full of energy like a girl in a Tampax ad, but it's something.
Making arrangements for a weekend morning is helping as Im doing things I won't want to cancel due to a hangover (yes these usually involve food)

Sleep is finally better. Wasn't a terrible sleeper before but even when I hadn't drunk the day before, most mornings for me involve anxiety upon waking, bit of morning dread. That's lifted a bit and that's huge motivation for me. So I'm currently using the fast forward technique when I do want a drink to decide if the pleasure of a drink is worth the cost in the morning, so far it isn't. And whilst I do miss the booze, it's starting to feel like I miss the idea of it more then the reality - like I'm getting into perspective that its just a glass of liquid, it's not a holiday in the Bahamas or a magical solution to all of my problems that I relied on it to be. It's not even a temporary sodding reprieve as I get angsty after 3-4 (maudlin drunk rather than socialite sadly)

I started dry january thinking I'd do it to moderate better but I'm starting to think that would be harder as I don't want to go back to days 1-3. They were bloody tough! Hugs to you if you're dealing with that part.

Yes! I think you have hit the nail on the head poster. There's an opportunity cost to drinking and I would like to spend more energy on other things. BUT it's hard to significantly cut back on drinking in order to get this additional motivation for other things without cutting out alcohol altogether. I am hoping however that it's not impossible. I'd like to be in a position where I can enjoy a couple of drinks now and then without ending up back at square one.

All clear from dh's scan, phew

Longest - so pleased for you

Thank you Flossie. I have been thinking of you and DD's tests x

Thanks. Feel sick regarding this week. Hence me going off radar. I struggle to talk about things so just hide away IRL too.

Xxxxxxxxxx Totally understand. Always here if you do want to vent.

@longestlurkerever really pleased for you re DH. And yes, it's not easy to cut down enough to make the difference re motivation to do other things, but it's made me feel a little better about myself that I'm not just lazy or undisciplined, there was something else making me feel that way, subtly. It's another chink that shows alcohol not to be as good as I thought it was. I mean, hangovers are obvious but I suppose it affects us more than the most obvious symptoms.

@Flossie44 can't even imagine what you're going through, but this is def the place to vent if you feel able to. Thinking of you.

longest brilliant news. Bet you are relieved.

Flossie always here if you want to vent xx

Not dry here. No excuse but have had a very stressful day. Left house at 9.30am didn't get home til 5.30pm. Been out and about doing stuff for work, then my annoying little shit of a bantum (chicken) attacked me. My nephew (11) has seriously injured his brother in law (20) and dsis has been told by ss that residental care is just about the only option left. Nephew has autism (high functioning), adhd and they think PDA, which is a form of autism that causes serious issues. Dsis been to see 2 residential schools today, 1 of which has a place starting as soon as funding is available.

And after all that I walked into dh super stressed after HMRC visited while I was at my mams. Stupid fucking useless cunting systems at HMRC haven't uoloaded 4 months of returns I have done, so HMRC think we owe them 15k. We don't, they owe us about 6k. Fml. Bloke was OK apparantly, could see from the paperwork what had happened. But why not phone or write first?

Dd was a stroppy cow. Ds was wired to the moon. Dh stressing.

So have opened a can.

I’ve had andecision from the bank today about my mortgage and they’ve decided to agree a repayment plan and not progress with repossession. Massive relief!

Glad to hear all is ok with your DH longest

Hope you are ok flossie I totally understand the instinct to be a hermit when times are tough, I am the same.

After a blip where I drank a bottle of wine on Friday, Sunday and Monday I’m back on this AF lark. Currently running at 12 out of 15 days dry for the month so far.

Frouby. That sounds an utterly shit day. How is your dsis feeling about residential care? I am glad there is a place if she wants it at least.

Good news Zoflora! Have you got the benefits sorted out?

I have complicated my dry Jan experiment by switching the Mirena coil to a copper one. Don't know if this is a good move as my natural cycle is no walk in the park and periods may be heavier, but I have been suffering from low mood and anger since I have been on the Mirena. It has kind of coincided with lots of other shit, including Brexit which sent me into a nosedive spin so it's a bit hard to isolate the effects but I wanted to give no hormones a whirl, and it's taken ages to sort out the appointment.

Frouby - not surprised you’ve had a drink after all that!

Frouby - 💐

I’m sorry if I’m being selfish and not reading thru properly. I kinda feel pretty desperate right now. I try so hard for my family..I don’t stop. Dd1 was a cowbag on the way to school this morn....the usual teen crap. Then I went to support dd2 at netball after school..her wonderful TA was there too but doesn’t get paid for it, so we share the session between us. Anyway..towards the end, dd goes into anaphylaxis again!! Fml a million times over.
The specialist has said because it happens so often, that to save her going to hospital constantly, that I can manage her at home. All well and good, and great for dd that she doesn’t need hospital so much..but fuck..it’s such a responsibility!! Anyway..I bring her home, via co-op for wine!!

Once home, I do washing and ironing and cleaned bathrooms etc. Girls went to bed. Still no sign of dh. I’m starving at this point so start eating crisps. And opened the sodding wine!! In he walks and finally we eat dinner at 9:30pm. He starts eating and says it’s not his favourite!! Wtf!! Most wives serve up reheated if their husband was to walk in so late!! Oh no, my dh doesn’t like reheated so there I am cooking late, and clearing up. At 10:10pm I finally finish clearing up. I said to dh, “I haven’t sat down yet...” to which he replies sarcastically “oh bless you!”

Wtaf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I scream at him, call him a wanker and as I make him a cuppa (while he’s now chilling on the sofa), he shouts to me “we all know it’s wrong time of month, you don’t have to make it so clear to us!”

Fml a million times over!!

Got a shit week, dd goes into anaphylaxis on me again today, don’t stop til nearly 10:30pn and he’s blaming me being angry for ‘time of the month!’

I’m now led in bed researching how to bury him under the sodding patio!!

Oh Flossie. I am so angry for you. How dare he treat you that way? Sarcasm makes me see red. Are you going on strike?

A million hugs for you and dd2.

Ps : I only drank half the bottle of wine!!!!!!! Serious moderation considering!!

Totally Flossie!

Longest so pleased about DH results and very pleased you are feeling benefits of AF. It really does help relieve stress but the temptation to use it as a short term fix is too easy. Or as a reward for getting through the day!
Flossie men just aren't wired the same and don't appreciate everythiing that has to be done looking after house and family.
Zoflora what a relief about the mortgage.
Well, I was AF Monday nice and easy, last night had running club then DH arrived. His ex came to see him Monday and yet again threatened suicide if he didn't go back with her. I told him it was her or me, he can't keep in contact with her even if he is worried about her state of mind. Shared a bottle of wine with him when he arrived, wish I hadn't this morning as I have a huge headache. He has told her it's over again now, blocked her by phone and promised he won't. Yeah right, until the next time. Emotional blackmail isn't cool.
At least I know he loves me otherwise I'd leave well alone. I'm on my own with my kids in France, so need to stay strong for them. Thank goodness I have my running, it is more effective than booze for helping stress.

Ah Flossie men are cunts. Dh has learned that if he turns his nose up at food I have made he gets told to make his own fucking food the next day. And I meal plan on sunday, anyone with a preference for anything has to tell me by then otherwise its whatever I serve up.

anglaise his ex sounds like a complete fruitcake. Does she have family? I would be tempted to call them and let them know what she is saying and also discuss it with everyone you know in the hope it gets back to her that she is being a fruitcake.

Or I would call her myself and tell her to back off.

Dsis was initially very against residential care, the one she wants for him is mon to fri so he is home at a weekend. He is 11, a big, strong 11 year old and his meltdowns are violent and explosive and it's getting more and more dangerous for everyone. He has been expelled from 2 normal schools and 3 special schools already and has basically no education. Despite his issues he is actually very bright so needs to be doing something. So it's either residential education or nothing really.

He's ruptured my nieces boyfriends kneecap now. Niece boyfriend is a big, fit, young lad at 20. Nephew adores him, has known him since he was 3 and he is one of the only people nephew likes. So for him to hurt someone like that it's pretty serious.

Will read you all later but I’m on day 15 if I don’t drink today which I think I probably won’t but I read dds diary (din tell no I should t gave five, don’t fucking care) yesterday and one page says ‘my mum drinks too much and it scares me’ while the next says “me and my mate did loads of vodka shots on NYE” - MY VODKA! Which is only used rarely for cocktails, hence I didn’t notice any missing, haven’t looked at it.

There’s nothing like a teenager for fucking sanctimony...

And I’m now menopausal as period was due Xmas day and no sign. FML.

But it’s all upset me. Wine won’t tell I know but...

Don’t tell me I shouldn’t gave that should have said, DYAC

Wine won’t HELP, not tell. Fucking autocorrect

Flossie - my DH would have been wearing his dinner if he said/did that! Think you did well not to finish the bottle of wine.

Water andlemonjuice - vodka shots, how old is your teenager? My DD is 14 and so far she doesn’t seem remotely bothered about alcohol whereas my 12 year old DS regularly says he can’t wait until he’s old enough to get drunk! I blame myself for drinking 🙁

Day 3 here so sticking to my plan so far ...

Well done on day 15 water. [Flowers] for all that's upset you, I think that's understandable. My dd1 is only 7 but has properly upset me this week just by behaving like an animal.b Lots of passive aggressive emails flying around about nits epidemic in her class so I attempted to get her to wear her hair up. She totally kicked off like an animal. And I probably handled it badly as I feel like I am both too harsh (feel like I violated her in forcing her to have it done) and too soft (I genuinely have no authority over her and she's going to take it down as soon as she gets to school). Also our neighbour reported how awful she'd been at drop off yesterday- she nearly tripped her grandma up she was being so defiant. At the same time my heart is breaking for her because she is telling me how she's being excluded from friendship groups at school. I feel like I am messing up on every front with her. She was being investigated for SEN but school seem to have decided she's more or less ok and not to take it any further. Dd2 is so easy by comparison. She's more like me I guess. Dd1 seems to need something different, though she is great 1:1.