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Alcohol support

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Original poster

Where to start - giving up alcohol

44 replies

Changing70 · 09/05/2018 12:50

Hi,
I’ve changed my name for this as I’m just so embarrassed.

At the age of 47 I think I finally need to admit to being an alcoholic.

I’m drinking on avarage a bottle of wine a night - sometimes more.

It’s having a major impact on my family, my life. Suffering from anxiety I know that I am making myself a million times worse.

Somehow I manage to hold down a full time job, but the pain that I see in my husband’s eyes is real. I cannot ignore this any longer.

I have become so unhappy over the last few years. I find it hard to speak to people or even relax and enjoy myself. I’m literally at the end of my tether.

I am hugely ashamed by what I have become, but I really don’t know how to make that change. Whenever I’ve had a few days without drinking, I feel fantastic but somehow always manage to hit the self destruct button again.

I am genuinely concerned that I am at the point of no return and that I am slowly drinking myself to death.

There is an AA group extremely close to my house, but it’s almost too close if that makes sense? I’ve half composed an email to the local addiction service (to afraid to call) and I’ve also booked a gp appointment (can’t be seen for 2 weeks) - but I just so frightened.

I’m just desperate for help! My husband thinks it should be easy, but it really isn’t.

OP posts:
1875mlk · 09/05/2018 13:23

Don't be ashamed, you're really brave and strong for seeking help!

I understand what you mean about the group being too close, how far away is the next closest? I think a group would be really beneficial for you.

Best of luck xx

Original poster
Changing70 · 09/05/2018 13:33

Thanks. I don’t feel it at all.

Appreciate the advice - there is another one a few miles away that runs tomorrow. I may try that if I can summon up the courage. It feels like taking a massive step but at least it’s in the right direction.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Turnitupdrhill · 09/05/2018 13:35

A family member of mine has had great success using the facebook group Club Soda for support. It's a closed group so no worries on the privacy front. Might be worth a look?

Original poster
Changing70 · 09/05/2018 13:53

Thank you.
I’ve just found the closed group and requested to join.
Encouraging to hear that someone found it helpful - I’ll go with anything at the moment

OP posts:
creampie · 09/05/2018 18:10

Be aware of stopping drinking all at once. A bottle of wine a day may be enough to trigger withdrawal symptoms if stopped abruptly, but if you've given up before at the same level without issue it's a good sign. Be aware of symptoms to look out for though.

AA is a confidential group, all members must promise to keep things secret, but I guess you might be more concerned about friends seeing you going in?

Ask your GP for advice. There are likely community drug and alcohol teams locally that you can self refer to. Try google for your area.

Good luck

FusionChefGeoff · 09/05/2018 18:18

If you phone the AA helpline they will put you in touch with another local lady (assuming you are female!) who will chat and help you get to a meeting.

Well done for looking for help.

I am 4.5 yrs sober thanks to AA

wfrances · 09/05/2018 23:20

i drink at least a bottle of wine a night , spoke to my gp and hes nor concerned , my psychiatrist reckons im still in control so ???
very confusing feedback .

rumred · 10/05/2018 02:34

Have a look at the alcohol experiment. It's American but really useful.
Incredibly hard to deal with alcohol issues. Especially when most people drink. It's complex.
Wishing you well on your journey.

And wfrances sorry to hear you've been fobbed off. Trust your own feelings

Original poster
Changing70 · 10/05/2018 06:14

Thanks all!
Well I joined Club Soda (it’s excellent!) and the 30 day alcohol experiment. Feeling a lot more positive today - only I can make these changes.

I really appreciate your comments and ideas.

Wfrances - I’m sorry that you’ve had this experience. Surely it’s your choice whether you feel you need help or not? If you feel your drinking is an issue, please go back or take a look at some of the places that people have suggested (AA, Club Soda etc).

Please don’t feel alone.

OP posts:
rumred · 10/05/2018 07:40

Brilliant. Really pleased you feel better.

I've been on the experiment for 5 days and I'm hopeful it's the support I need to get me to kick booze. I'm high functioning too but alcohol has been around me forever and I have used it liberally for too long. I think it's masked some real sadness and I'm facing up to it slowly. So beware/be ready for what sobriety uncovers is my advice

CeeCeeMacFay · 10/05/2018 07:43

Was just about to recommend Club Soda. My drinking had crept up and up since my mum died last year and now I am taking a complete break from it to try and reset. Using Club Soda as a support and accountability group. Good luck, you can do this.

OldEnglishSheepDog · 10/05/2018 07:44

Hello - it's always trotted out on here but I really do recommend the Jason Vale book, "Kick the Drink Easily". I was drinking a similar amount to you and I stopped back in November. It really changed my whole attitude towards alcohol. Best of luck.

Bluntness100 · 10/05/2018 07:45

i drink at least a bottle of wine a night , spoke to my gp and hes nor concerned

That's very unusual to be fair, as is your psychiatrists feedback. The answer to being in control is if you can go for a considerable period without drinking, say a month. If you can't you're not in control.

Op, well done in taking the first steps. 💐

JustGettingStarted · 10/05/2018 07:47

In addition to Club Soda, check out the Stopdrinking sub on reddit.com. It's fantastic and very busy. It was all I needed to quit - been 18 months!

Look for a book called The Naked Mind by Annie Grace. You can download the free ebook on the "about this sub" sidebar on stopdrinking.

Wishfulmakeupping · 10/05/2018 07:54

Is the alcohol experiment on fb?

rumred · 10/05/2018 07:55

Don't think so. There's a website alcoholexperiment.com

Original poster
Changing70 · 10/05/2018 11:05

Wishful - there is a closed Facebook group, but you do have to join up to the experiment first.
I’d thoroughly recommend club soda as a Facebook support group.
Thank you all for the book recommendations Smile

OP posts:
didsnbump · 10/05/2018 20:45

Hi just looked for the Club Soda fb group and more than one came up, which one is it?
I'm the same and drinking a bottle of wine every night if not more. I've just started reading Jason Vales book, but feel i will need more than just this to cut down and gain mine life back.

Anglaise1 · 10/05/2018 21:01

Club soda together is for those who wish to be AF and those who wish to moderate, otherwise there is a club soda just for AF, one for Mindful drinking, one for Mindful exercise and mindful eating...it is a great support group. I'm 52 and at 51 decided to do something about my 20 year old wine habit, I discovered I want an alcoholic and have been moderating successfully for 9 months. Regarding books I found William Porter's Alcohol Explained the best with Catherine Gray The Unexpected Joy of being Sober a close second. Didn't like JV at all.

Anglaise1 · 10/05/2018 21:05

Posted too soon, just wanted to wish the OP good luck - the hardest thing is admitting you have a problem, once you have done that you can start to fix things. Stopping alcohol will make you less anxious and stressed, you will sleep better, look better, probably lose weight and be nicer to your family. If you haven't already hit the menopause you will find that less or no alcohol makes that more bearable too.

Turnitupdrhill · 10/05/2018 21:34

So glad that Club Soda is helping. That support made a huge difference to my family member. I wish you all the luck in the world Flowers

Original poster
Changing70 · 11/05/2018 06:13

Thank you all so much Flowers.

I’m amazed at the resources out there and wish that I’d be braver to ask for help sooner.

I actually feel positive about going into the weekend free from alcohol. I know I’m going to have bad days, but hopefully I am going to have tools to help me through.

And yes, Anglaise - approaching the menopause is definitely the right time.

If everyone else ever reads this needing help, the online resources that I’m using are:
*facebook - Club Soda private groups (there are multiple, so suggest starting with Club Soda together). There is also a website that you can register with. Have a look at their WOOP plan
*30 day alcohol experiment - Annie Grace. Daily structured lessons and workbooks. Totally free. There is also a closed Facebook group
*reading - quit lit! Sober Diaries is excellent and only 99p for Kindles right now.

Thanks again.

OP posts:
snicketywickety · 11/05/2018 06:42

OP there is a great little app called 'sober time', where you can see how many days you have not had a drink, calculate how much money you've saved, set yourself goals and it gives you little inspirational quotes each day.

I decided enough is enough and that I needed just to stop drinking completely, and I find it very satisfying to see the days adding up (currently on day 25!), gives you a real sense of achievement, and it stops the temptation as I don't want to have to reset it and have to see the days go back to 0! Like a competition with myself, if that makes sense, and I am determined to win! I am going to try and make it to 50, so halfway there, and then perhaps 100, etc. It's nice to see your progress actually there in front of you.

Good luck, and you know what? It does get easier. After about four days, I didn't really even think about drinking, whereas before I would fret if I didn't have a drink in the house, etc etc (definitely danger signs there). Plus I feel so much better, once the initial after effects had worn off, feeling groggy in the morning and tired.

Keep at it Thanks

JustGettingStarted · 11/05/2018 07:35

I have the Sober Time ap, too!

I love the money saved tracker. I've saved thousands!

snicketywickety · 11/05/2018 08:25

It's great isn't it??!! It's really quite sad but I look forward to the days adding up each morning! And makes me feel less guilty about buying myself little treats like expensive bubble bath!