Where to start - giving up alcohol

[Changing70]

Hi,
I’ve changed my name for this as I’m just so embarrassed.

At the age of 47 I think I finally need to admit to being an alcoholic.

I’m drinking on avarage a bottle of wine a night - sometimes more.

It’s having a major impact on my family, my life. Suffering from anxiety I know that I am making myself a million times worse.

Somehow I manage to hold down a full time job, but the pain that I see in my husband’s eyes is real. I cannot ignore this any longer.

I have become so unhappy over the last few years. I find it hard to speak to people or even relax and enjoy myself. I’m literally at the end of my tether.

I am hugely ashamed by what I have become, but I really don’t know how to make that change. Whenever I’ve had a few days without drinking, I feel fantastic but somehow always manage to hit the self destruct button again.

I am genuinely concerned that I am at the point of no return and that I am slowly drinking myself to death.

There is an AA group extremely close to my house, but it’s almost too close if that makes sense? I’ve half composed an email to the local addiction service (to afraid to call) and I’ve also booked a gp appointment (can’t be seen for 2 weeks) - but I just so frightened.

I’m just desperate for help! My husband thinks it should be easy, but it really isn’t.

Exactly! It's how I justify multiple gym memberships (one is for the pool, one because they're easy to find all over the country and one is because they're awesome for weight training.) I love spending the money on something that actually has health and beauty benefits.

Ps just getting started, congrats on the 18 months!!!!!

Just checked and it's worked out that I have saved £250 in the twenty five days so far but as you say, it's nice to see it there in black and white, and do something that's good for you - mind body or soul!

How old are your kids? I only ask as I followed advice from mn to talk to gp, this led to a referral to a service who simply contacted ss and gave me no support at all, and the waiting with ss was incredibly stressful, they came to visit and then it was 4 months later that we finally had a letter saying no problems case closed.

Anyway my advice is stick to anonymous support if you have younger children, unless you really need gp. There is plenty out there.

I've not had a drink for about 5 years now but i did it myself, just stopped.

Good luck!

snicketywickety I spent the same amount on booze!

I'm at £5600 today!

Although I love my gyms, I do wonder what it would be like to have saved that money in a jar.

Oh wow £5600?! That is amazing! But think of all the good you are doing with the gym memberships etc. And spending it on something that you enjoy, well worth it I say!

Did you find when you gave up drinking, you sort of replaced it with something else? Apart from the gym... I seem to have become addicted to chocolate and fizzy water now, never really liked it before, but now my evening treat is a cup of tea and testing out new chocolates actually panic if I haven't got any in the house, much in the same way that I used to worry if there wasn't enough alcohol in the house...

Now if only I could quit the fags, I would be the very paragon of virtue...

I initially indulged in some sweets - like, during the first week. I was at a loss for things to do and I went to coffee shops and had cake and coffee when I felt anxious.

But I wanted to lose weight (it was a major reason I quit) so I started going to the gym and I try to avoid sugar.

I replaced drinking with fitness, for sure.

Hi,
Congratulations. I don't have tips on AA, but in case you want other kinds of tips, I find it's good to have some very grown up soft drinks lying around. Pomegranate or elderflower cordials, V8 and tabasco for a Virgin Mary, Seedlip and tonic etc, so you can still get that ritual clink of ice into a glass and feel you are marking the end of the working day.

If it's acceptable (not sure it is) it's also worth looking out for zero alcohol beers. Some of them are really good and taste (to me) almost the same as the real thing. The dark red, unsweetened grape juice mixed with sparkling water is a good red wine substitute. Purdeys or Aqua Libra are good instead of white wine.

snicketywickety I smoked for 38 years and kicked it finally using an e cigarette. I'm sure it's not good for me but it feels better than real fags.

Rumred that's good to know. Probably should give it a go, got to be better (and cheaper) the disgusting fags...

Do you mind giving me recommendations?

it isn't easy! Been sober for 34 years and can still remember like yesterday. But my grandkids have never seen me drunk.
Wish I could say the same for my own family

The best ones I've used are e leaf. Not cheap but not too pricey. I've got the 30w istick currently. It's a nightmare choosing. So many...
I didn't smoke more than 5 a day, more at weekends., and 6mg strength liquid worked for me.
High Street shops usually advise well but lots cheaper buying online usually.
Also coils need changing every month or so, which noone told me when I started
Any questions I'm happy to answer if I can..

Hi
Really interested in this as I have also come to the decision that I am drinking too much. I really find wine so addictive and just cannot stop at one glass. Usually have at least 3 large glasses if I'm drinking and that's practically every night. It is upsetting my husband because I've had chemo and he worries about my liver.
I'm not sure if I can go teetotal. So much of our social life revolves around drinking and eating out. How do people manage not to drink at these events?
Well done OP for making the first step.
I've just joined Club Soda, and have made notes of all the recommendations in the thread.
I also didn't realise how much help there was out there. I did see my GP about drinking and they said I could self refer but I haven't been brave enough yet.
Thanks everyone for all your very useful suggestions.
Good luck all.
Sarah

This is exactly my situation too OP.

My teenage children have started to notice how much I'm drinking too .
Can I ask if you join Club soda do your friends see it on FB?

Was about to post a very similar thread but all the advice on here has really helped!

I've had a bad relationship with alcohol since I was a teenager, suffer with depression & anxiety and have finally got to a point where I've realised my whole life revolves around being drunk to make me feel numb.

I'm high functioning with a decent job, but I don't want my dd to grow up seeing me drunk most nights. I quit smoking & cocaine 3 years ago (before fertility treatment) but this feels like it going to be more difficult?

Had a chat with my husband last night and he was really supportive so I'm now gearing myself up and getting the right tools in place before setting a date.

Have been looking into joining UK SMART Recovery who do local meetings as well as regular online ones throughout the week - does anyone have experience of it? There's on this evening so I'm tempted to join of my first step!

Well done to those who have managed to achieve sobriety and good luck to those at the beginning of their sober journey

Maisie no, the Club Soda groups are private and nothing you post there is visible to your friends. You just need to be careful that you post in the group and not on your timeline as some people do occasionally! But it is completely private. One of the reasons I cut down (I've been moderating for 9 months, maximum 1 bottle of wine over 3 weekend evenings) was because I was worried about what my kids thought - none of the parents of their friends were drinking wine every night!

I have just celebrated 2 years sober. Towards the end, I was drinking at least bottle of wine every night and often more. Giving up drinking was the hardest thing I have ever done but I wouldn't go back.

When l stopped, I knew that there were other women out there, just like me, but I didn't know who they were. Getting sober is tough and sometimes I felt very isolated. I wanted to meet other women who would 'get it'.

Last year I set up Club Sober, a local support group in Harborne, Birmingham for women choosing to quit drinking. We meet for coffee on a Thursday evening every three weeks or so to offer support, encouragement and a safe place to share the highs, lows and everything in between, of getting and staying sober. The next meet up
is this Thursday, 17 May. If anyone is in the local area and would like to come also my please feel free to PM me.

Soberistas.com is a fantastic support group x Good luck x