I drink a bottle of wine every day and can't seem to stop

[felttippens]

The days that I try not to do it im left feeling very lost and depressed.

It is making me fat, lethargic and rubbish

Tips please of how to get this dreadful habit in check - Id like to still enjoy wine but at a less destructive/more sociable level

I don't drink anything other than wine really- if I have a lager or something I don't feel compelled to drink more but one glass of wine and before I know it ive finished the bottle

Help!

[Lilybensmum1]

I just didn't drink I do honestly know now, it's like I have just 1 glass and before I know it I had the whole bottle.

[Lilybensmum1]

I meant I don't honestly know how!!!

[chocoholic89]

It's only been a week for me. But I spent 4 days in bed with hangover guilt and being paranoid coz I made a idiot of myself in front of people goin on my benders. When I drunk at home things would happen between me and dp that wouldn't happen if drink wasn't involved.
Goin back to when I was in bed I got small childen to be a mummy to and thought wtf am I doin? Get up and be the proper person I am not the gobby drunken mess that I can be. I think drinking was a escape for me but I would do it for Everthing. Sad happy bored. Sunny!

[chocoholic89]

It's horrible all the emotions you go through when you'v got a hangover. I was in a proper mess. Was worried about fri and sat night coz that's when we would normally drink but I can gladly say it went well even tho I am awake. Start again and I think some people on here are wanting to try to limit them self with 1 glass but I think that's dangerous teritery as many of us think what the eck av the bottle.

[chocoholic89]

Just love ur self. The reason is you x

[Lilybensmum1]

Thank you I will try again, I tried to go to bed but can't sleep mind going over, you describe how I feel I have 2 little ones so what the hell am I doing apart from wasting my life! I might try aa. You sound like you are doing well it's good to hear.

[chocoholic89]

Lots of supportI've people on dry14 thread aswel. If you need to talk.

[idrinkandiknowthings]

I tend not to have hangovers, but I do sometimes let my 9 and a half year old daughter sleep with me and in the morning I look at her innocent sleeping face and think, "I'm failing her".

I want to want not to drink, if that makes sense? I enjoy the wine, I just want to NOT enjoy the wine. I have Allen Carr's "Easy Way To Control Alcohol". I get a couple of chapters in and then shelve it. I need to get it down and read it to the end.

[chocoholic89]

• idrinkandiknowthings..hope you are ok have u tried to do it one day at a time. Get up plan a day with your dc. Picnic walk something to keep you occupied.This is what I am doin.I know the feeling of not wanting a drink but yeah I do but it doesn't help the morning after when you wake up with shame and guilt around you children.

[Ifiwasabadger]

I’ve been watching this thread as I would like to cut down on my drinking but I never seem to manage to do it. I aim for 50% abstinence throughout any month but usually only manage around 10 nights without booze. Well done to everyone here who has cut down or cut it out completely!

Idrinkandknowthings I also have the alan carr book but it did nothing for me….

I absolutely love wine, the whole ritual of it after a long hard day at work – the cold bottle, the opening, the sound as it pours into a gorgeous wine glass, the smell, the taste. It’s what demarks my evening from work and parenting duties and allows me to slip back into being me. I’m very social and both my personal and professional life feature booze a lot- it would be completely out of character not to drink – in fact when I was pregnant everyone asked as soon as I stopped drinking – it’s very unusual in my circles to abstain. In fact, it’s unheard of.

I do Dry January every year and struggle and find it miserable. I can’t go out or socialize, I feel like I have no treats in my life (wine is my only vice!) and I end up going to bed at 9 pm every night and having a dreadful night’s sleep. I do go down a notch on my belt but it’s not weight I need to lose.

Can you please help me with a list of why I should cut down? For most things I list, I have a counter argument, so would really appreciate some more reasons!

Pros of less wine:
Less calories (although I am slim and eat healthily so not a massive motivator)
Save money (not on a budget at all so again, not a motivator)
Less likely to have a stroke (a PP mentioned this and it scared ,e)
Better sleep…? This doesn’t work for me - when I stop drinking I sleep terribly.
To feel I can do it and I am in control not the other way around
No guilt about drinking and feeling like I shouldn’t. (The last two are perhaps the biggest motivator for me)

[Lilybensmum1]

Hi ifiwasabadger can I ask how much you drink?
The biggest benefit is to your health, you may not need to loose weight but olbviously the risk of cancer and liver problems increase greatly.

I think the main thing is do you want to cut down you don't sound like you want to stop, I tried to moderate but I can't , the way you describe wine is how I feel I love buying a bottle, the sound of it pouring and the first sip. I didn't drink every night and probably would have 3-4 bottles a week but it was too much. I want to be healthy and stay healthy.

I think the important thing is you need to want to cut down the fact you are on this thread suggests you think you have a problem.

I am a hcp and I remember caring for an alcoholic man who was about 50 he was married with 3 children he was in and out of my ward with liver problems and was told he was going to die if he didn't stop, he said he would try, his family had to sit and watch him die, I remember seeing the children weeping over their dad, that was along time ago and it didn't stop me drinking too much but I have now decided I have to stop I do not want my children to see me die through self inflicted diseases. I don't want my children thinking its normal to drink a whole bottle of wine or 2 on my own in the evening. I value my life, my DC and my DH I'm doing it for them. My head feels clear and I can feel my depression lifting, I thought the drink was helping I now see it was making me worse.

I don't know if any of that helps but you need your own reasons to cut down or you just won't do it, the dry thread in relationships is good for support it has really helped me.

[Ifiwasabadger]

Thanks for the response :)

Amounts depend really….if I’m having a busy and social week it can be higher than others. Easily 3-4 bottles as you said. I’m never falling down drunk but booze features a lot.

Yes you’re right I guess the fact I’m questioning it means I sense there’s something awry. I do have a very addictive personality and there’s alcoholism in my family so I want to nip anything in the bud before it gets out of hand.

I’ve not had a drink this week – been in bed by 930 pm each night. not asleep until gone midnight - joy! During dry January there was lots of chat about other things to do instead – but I do those already - I don’t have a tv so always read a lot…exercise…..bath etc etc.

Not drinking means such a boring life – I know I need to ‘re-frame’ that but for me it is a dreary existence….denying myself something that I really enjoy…..that isn’t life threatening in the same way as smoking, drugs etc.

[Lilybensmum1]

I can see your dilemma!! I too am a bit addictive with alcoholism in my family which scares me all the more.

What do you actually want to do? Cut down to 2 bottles a week? You sound like a determined person who can achieve! Are you married? If so does your DH drink. I get what you say about the boredom, do you drink after the DC are in bed or in front of them?

It sounds from your posts you don't feel the need to change which is fair enough, it sounds like you function very well within your current drinking level. I can't think of any reasons to suggest you stop drinking apart from the vast health benefits.

Have you looked at the dry thread? See if you can identify with any of those posts if not maybe you don't need to alter. Although as I said previously the reason you are asking questions suggest the want to change something.

[Ifiwasabadger]

Yes i'm married and DH drinks too - in the house and out. one of our great pleasures is weekly date/dinner night where we go out and shoot the breeze at a bar and catch up and unwind. during dry january it honestly wasn't the same without a glass of wine.

we have one DD, i usually only drink in the evening after she's gone to bed - it's my signal to switch off and unwind. i have a high pressure high level job and it's my treat. i should also add that we live in a hot country so the joy of having an ice cold drink on a terrace or outside bar all year round is a huge huge temptation and pleasure!

not sure what i want to do....i guess be more mindful and manage to drink only 50% of the days of the month or even less. I'll pop over to the dry thread and have a look, thank you :)

[pipppopin]

I was the same. 1 bottle of wine a night easily, more at the weekends. Moody, depressed, overweight. Thought about alcoholism with fear & confusion constantly. Finally went to AA meetings for 1 year, educated myself about booze, met a lot of people, heard a lot of stories, really started to understand my relationship with alcohol. That was 6 years ago & I remain sober & in a very good place emotionally. Don't think about booze from one end of the year to the next. My mood is on an even keel & I wake up knowing that whatever I feel is authentic - not manipulated by the high & lows of heavy drinking. I don't believe that I have the disease of alcoholism but it took going into AA and following their programme solidly to come to that conclusion & manage my sobriety independently. I spend most of my time overseas & when I return to the UK i am struck by the national obsession with booze It is everywhere & constant social drinking has been normalised. I recently joined an online dating site & noticed that 90% of UK female profile photos feature a glass of wine! What is that all about???

[Lilybensmum1]

This is exactly what makes sobriety so hard it is everywhere, you feel the odd one out for not drinking. pipppopin love the name you have done so well I hope to be able to remain lifelong sober too! And yes to knowing how you feel is authentic it took me a while to realise how much of a depressive alcohol is as I was using it to be sociable and cheer me up.

[pipppopin]

Hi Lilybensmum1 . I think what people need to recognise is that much of the nation is pissed, unhappy & that sobriety is so much fun. Nights out don't last long but are cheap & never end in tears. I was given a few great tips at AA: always leave the house with a pot of 'vanishing cream' in your handbag. If you have a car, drive. As you leave the house know that your drink tonight will be a lime or soda. Give it no more thought than that. Have 'lime & soda' on the tip of your to tongue when someone asks you what you want to drink. If someone asks why you are not drinking tell them antibiotics, bladder infection, job interview in the morning, trying to have a dry month etc. No-one is that interested, most just want to get drunk. Pretty quickly, folk will start to get pissed & at that point, it is time to go. Mentally apply your vanishing cream & slip away home (i used to put a pretend dab on my wrists). You will not be missed. No-one will notice. In the beginning you might feel like you are missing out. But slowly & surely you will grow to love the vanishing act. Home before midnight, money in your pocket, mood in good order, fresh as a daisy in the morning. And sober sex on nights like these is

[Lilybensmum1]

I like the sound of all those ideas will keep those in mind thank you, and I'm sure my DH would thank you for the other recommendation . It's great to chat to people who have achieved sobriety and grab some tips along the way.

[pipppopin]

Lilybensmum1 Sobriety also frees up head space. For years I worried about alcohol - is there booze in the fridge, is my liver fucked yet, which wine makes me least flushed, is the offy shut, should i talk to a doctor?On and on and on... So much of my thinking revolved around booze. When I quit, and after 6 months really grappling /educating myself about drinking at AA,I found I had this crystal clear space in my brain & that all the replacement thoughts & actions were authentic, positive & calm. Good times & an amazing personal achievement followed. Some terrible shit has happened in my life too since I got sober but I shudder to think how much worse it would have been if i was still drinking.

Enough from me. I have not shared in a couple of years. It feels oddly good to have done it on Mums Net tonight.

[Lilybensmum1]

Pipppopin thanks for sharing it's what I want to hear, those are the things I want to acheive through not drinking. Its good for you to share, as it reminds you of all the positive changes you have made and how far you have come, you should be proud of what you have achieved.

[Wriggler79]

Hi, can I join in? Been reading through and getting a lot from this thread.
I 'met' my partner (we'd known each other when younger) two years ago when I was getting out of a bad marriage. His lifestyle bothered me initially because I rarely drank, however my feelings for him outweighed this and we seemed to be building a good relationship. He's a happy, sociable drinker usually. FFW two years and I've been sucked into his lifestyle which I'm extremely unhappy about. I now associate booze with relaxing and want some as soon as I get into the house. I drink 3 or 4 cans of cider/up to a full bottle of wine/whatever, every two or three nights. I've had weeks where I drink every night. It makes me anxious the next day, and I've had panic attacks at work when I've felt a bit tired/hungover as I associate that feeling with hangover anxiety so I don't even have to have much for this to happen. Worse still, I've been drinking around the DCs and because I have someone here who thinks it's ok/doesn't want to confront their own issues, nobody is telling me this is wrong. (Without meaning to sound pathetic; I'm very passive and easygoing. I'll usually go along with whatever's happening as I hate conflict and struggle to explain myself confidently).
Last weekend was a turning point. I was out Friday with my DP and we ended up not only drinking, but having several lines of coke. I felt like I was going to die (heart going mad) and was ill all day Sat and part of Sunday. Have been reading these threads and thinking about making changes. Had 3 days dry then DP was having a drink last night and I was tired, poor judgement and said I'd have one can. Had three. No big deal in hangover terms but I'm annoyed this morning, was sat looking fed up and explained to DP why. He later came through and said "don't be angry". This I think is him not wanting me to be cross with him. He doesn't want me to interfere with the lifestyle he wants, and that's fine, I know I can't change it. But I also know that if I'm making changes he will try to persuade me that drinking is fine, because he doesn't want to look at his own life/worry about his health etc. So it's hard before I've started. Considered going to AA as I feel I need to talk to someone in person. But there aren't any groups during the day on my days off. I also need to talk to DP about how I'm feeling. That's the really hard bit! I think I might need to build up my own confidence before I start talking to him about drink.
Anyway this is very long, thank you if you've read it all!

[Lilybensmum1]

Hi wriggler sounds like you need to get your head straight first re drinking before talking to your partner, it sounds quite difficult if your dp enjoys and will carry on drinking for you to get support but if you want to do this you can!

For me I'm 11 days sober does not sound like a big deal but it's the longest for me, the feelings of anxiety you describe is what I woke in the middle of the night with after drinking, I can't tell you how amazing it is not to be like that I feel like a different person, I can see my depression was partly created by my drinking which is ironic as it was my excuse to drink.

I spend a lot of time on the dry thread and that is the main thing I have used to get me to this point, I'm not saying it's easy I'm sure I have hard times to come, how old are your DC? Mine are 7 & 8 they have been my motivation to quit they don't need yo see me drinking. You have made the first step now push on through the hard bits.

[Wriggler79]

Hi Lily, thank you! And well done on your 11 days, you're much further than me and it sounds like you're feeling benefits from it, that's encouraging. I've been reading a lot of the dry threads in the last weeks, lots of scary stories and people struggling with similar issues so really helpful.
My kids are 11, 9 and 7. They live with their dad through the week - I moved away towards my family, we went through court over arrangements and tbh the schools are better where he still is anyway. I have them Fri til Sun. They're fab and I need to do this for them as well as my self-esteem!
I texted my best friend this morning saying I needed a natter and she was in so I've just been down and confessed all. Hadn't been honest with anyone til this point and have been covering up etc, so I feel like this is a big turning point. Talked about this weekend; I want to go to the seaside with DP as kids not here but have a feeling he'll want to go to the pub Friday afternoon then spend the rest of the weekend lazing about watching tv. Have decided I'm not drinking Friday and will take myself to the seaside if he doesn't come on Sat. Or does that sounds bad? I'm sick of everything revolving around booze! It's so boring.

[Lilybensmum1]

I think in the early stages you need to remove yourself from the alcohol, it just might be tough if your dp id doing something seperate, I honestly thought my life would be boring without alcohol, I used it to destress got some family issues that are really tough going but it just stopped me facing reality.

I feel able to cope better and see things clearly live life alcohol free but I'm not saying I will never drink, it's one day at a time. Good start for you keep strong try to identify and plan for triggers!!

[Wriggler79]

Since my 'turning point' this week I've realised I've been avoiding facing reality too. Thank you, yes I'm going to plan for early nights and I might list my triggers on here later, I think there are a few