This is an interesting post. I know I'm digging it up from the dead here, but it seems kinda relevant.
I suppose the problem a lot of people have with the OP is that she wanted to know how easy it is to give up a disabled baby before he/she is even born.
Whilst that might seem cruel, it's a valid point in many ways.
I have a disabled son, nearly a year old. I'm confused about so much. In many ways he's amazing, but I'll be honest with you, he's ruined my life. My wife is unstable at best, I look strong on the outside but inside I feel like I'm finished. Every day I wonder what it would be like if he was dead, and what it will be like when he does die, and whether my life is better for having known him, or whether it's been ruined by it.
I still love my wife, but it seems to be more of a respect thing than anything now. That whole side of our lives seems to have gone. She struggles to cope with him, maybe it's partially because she's with him all day. When she goes back to work it could be different. Doubtful though. Don't get me wrong, it's not the fact she doesn't have time for me any more. I fully understand what she's going through. But I think she thinks it's easier for me, and in many ways it is, but at the same time I'm being doubly screwed as I have both their problems to deal with. I know that's selfish, and I know this is Mumsnet so I'll probably be chastised it for it, but hey ho.
The worst thing is, when she loses it with him, I'm hugely protective of him... when it happens I hate her for it.
I'm torn between loving them both, and hating them both. Sometimes I wish both of them were gone, sometimes I wish I was dead. Shame as my life used to be amazing, guess this is karma somehow.