Giving up v.severely disabled baby for adoption?

[mirage999]

Contraversial question I know - but is it possible or easy (practically, not emotionally) to give up a severly disabled baby (one that requires full time special care) at birth for adoption or have it placed in care?

I am trying to decide whether to go for the prenatal tests for Downs etc and have decided that if the results show there is a problem with the baby, I would rather let nature take its course and allow the baby to live (but be looked after by someone else) rather than go ahead and have its life terminated, thinking that this would be the lesser of 2 evils.
Has anyone done this and is it possible to have a such a baby adopted/placed into care?
I have 2 healthy children already and the reason for not wanting to keep a baby who was severely disabled as it I dont believe it would be fair on them. Plus my DH would not be supportive and I have no family who could help.
thanks in advance

bigeyes you have a point, but not all disabilities show up in pregnacey dd's didn't.

I refused to have the tests, because after feeling my baby kick, disability or no disability that was MY baby that was for ME to care for - but thats just me.

Riven, how is your DD btw?

of course people wonder how/if they would cope. It would be naive to think otherwise - especially if they have no experience of disability.

But there's a vast leap from wondering if you would cope with a severely disabled child to making enquiries as to how easily you could have it adopted before it's even born.

it was in the sn topic mn hq moved it.

I don't think a child with Downs is severely disabled tbh.

I think you need some counselling tbh.

mmj she did post it in the special needs section. But I reported it and it was moved.

Troll or Daily Mail shit journalist.

I wish the op would come back, as there are questions I would like to ask her.

Why is she thinking to this degree? Is there something that she has come across, maybe a friend has a sn child, Like Bigeyes has said we all have thought about this question but maybe like Riven has said, not to this degree.

Despite the rather insensitive wording in your OP, I certainly think it's a positive thing to grant a child with a disability life.

As others have said, though, you really don't know how you will feel when you are face to face.

There are families out there who adopt children with SN, and it is perfectly possible to give up a child for adoption. But seriously, you haven't even had the tests yet. There's forward-planning, and there's over-thinking. I think you're probably doing the latter.

I am a worrier and I did worry intensly throughout my pg. I have a healthy DS3. I do however teach a handful of children (mainstream secondary ) with a range of special needs from learning difficulties to wheelchairbound ages 11 to 18.

I would be scared of not coping I think if it were me and I would want reassurance how i would cope. There have been stories in media about parents of severly disabled children not coping with tragic outcomes.

Must go DS is pulling weetabix out....

I felt like that when I was expecting ds, but when dd came along and was disabled, I loved her just the same.
the op has 2 children already so surely knows that nothing is certain in life. would she dump one of them if they became disabled?

see how you feel after the birth, you cant make this decision without actually meeting your LO. also remember a test isnt an indicator of how a person progresses.many kids with poor prognosis have went on to achieve great things.id rather have a happy loving child with downs than a useless misrable waste of space junkie for a child anyday!

(it should poss be noted this thread as originally in SN then moved to adoption which is why poeple were offended first)

as you were

What I just dont understand, Why post this question and then not talk to us about it?

If I post something, I stick around and have a conversation about it.

Does sn maybe run in your family? (Im prob talking to myself here [gri]

In the OP's defense, it's entirely possible that she posted it and will return later to check for replies.

I don't think this is that bad a thing to think about, although I agree it was the wrong place to post, and ould have been better worded. People who are considering abortions (for whatever reason) are often asked if they have considered adoption as another possibility (indeed those that chose this route are often lauded). Given that most people when presented with the likelihood that their foetus has Downs Syndrome do abort (isn't it over 90%), thinking about alternatives isn't so awful is it? Many people do wonder how they will cope, and worries about the impact on other children are a common reason not to go ahead with the pregnancy. Whether or not those worries are founded is surely another matter?

Anyway, any child may be given up for adoption. Children with Downs Syndrome are not always severely disabled, although the severity may not become apparent for a while (thinking about the LD side, as opposed to health issues, such as hole in the heart etc). Siblings can find having a disabled sibling a blessing or a curse (as with any other sibling in many ways). And having support is very important. The trouble is with the testing is that to some extent you have a choice, and if you disagree as parents that is very very hard.

Troll

DS is wheelchair mobile.

My apologies riven and blu - point noted. I was only trying to be supportive I am sorry. In my defence though this is only how I ever see my young people.

OK so posting it originally in SN was a bit undiplomatic, but I think it is a question worth discussing. When I was PG with DS I had a nuchal fold scan (which showed low likelihood of Downs) and left it at that, apart from the 20-wk scan thinking that I would cope, whatever.
I will not be having any more pregnancies so no need to plan whether or not I would have tests etc but there was a time when I considered having another baby an decided against it partly because my age meant the likelihood of Downs or other problems increased. Because, having DS, I was less prepared to have to deal with a child whose needs would be very time consuming.
And should anyone in my immediate family become quadriplegic or severely mentally disabled, then I would look into institutional care for them. I think that would be a better solution than becoming a full-time carer myself as I know that I don;t have the patience for it and would end up hating the other person and myself.