How do you deal with it when your adopted children have truely AWFUL names?

[Moomin]

Yes, I know that in the grand scheme of things it maybe shouldn't really matter after waiting all that time to finally get your child(ren)... but have heard this weekd of a couple I know through a friend who are adopting siblings who have names they never would have chosen in a MILLION years. The kind of names that may severely prejudice the children in later life.

When I was adopted (donkeys ago) changing a child's name wouldnt have been that big a deal - my first name was kept the same although my parents changed the spelling but my middle name was changed. These days, with the way adoptions are conducted to give much more knowledge and access to a child's background and even their birth parents, I can't see that changing a name would be recommended maybe?

dd goes to school with a girl whose name was changed. dd knew her from being two and a half (nursery) and she had her original name then. then they joined the two together and then the old name was dropped. by three and a half/four she was known totally as the new name and dd does not remember that she had another name so i think it depends on the age of the child.

My name was changed when I was 7. When I was about 10 I decided that I hated my new name and was known by a nick name, which I still use.
Sometimes I think I feel like I don't really have an identity and which my original name had stayed.
It was nothing to do with adoption though.

I think name changing is a good idea where the original name is culturally and/or socially at odds with cultural and social environment of the adoptive family.

Ideally the new name should be neutral in either culture / social segment, so as not to distance a child unnecessarily from his/her origins but also to ensure that he finds his/her place in the adoptive family and its environment.

Yes, these names are certainly NOT reflective of their new cultural or social environment. But the new parents seem to think they are stuck with the names from what my friend said - they are trying to come to terms with it. The children are under 5. I think if it was me, I'd do my best to try to chnge them

just choose a pet/nick name for them and ensre they are know as that.

Can you try talking to them in a general way?

For example, when choosing a name for my daughter I needed one that "worked" in all her cultures: English, Christian, French and Jewish, and didn't mark her out as particularly any one of those cultures but was acceptable to all of them, and would help her on her way in later life.

Parents, not just adoptive parents, have to deal with these issues every day in our multicultural world.

you just put up with it and stop being so poncey.

My brother and SIL adopted 3 children all with names they wouldn't have chosen. They gave them an extra middle name when they were atised but, other than that, they are their names so that's what we call them.

It doesn't matter one jot what they are called

It doesn't matter what thaey are called, but it would be nice to be able to use a name they don't hate!
Re cultural differneces, a girl at the local infants school was called Nactia - it's russian and pronounced, unfortunatley, Nastier. She changed it herself when she went to juniors, to Anastacia.

I still call her Nastier, as it suits her. [bitch emoticon]

DO you really believe that Tommy? Even if you truely think so, there are plenty of people who discriminate and judge because of a person's name. You onyl have to look at the opnions banded about on the choosing a baby's name thread.

And it's actually been proved that children with certain types of names do not fare as well as childrne with more traditional names (yes I know that will probably tie on with the socio-economic background if the child stays in that environment) but still...

It's nowt to do with me anyway, I don;t know them well enough to speak about it with them, just know from our mutual friend that they are a bit worried about it (amongst all the other million things they must be feeling at the moment). Don't think it's 'poncey' either.

Have to say as an adoptive mother with three children with "chavvy names" i truly sympthaise (sp), ours have names that i would never have chosen in a million years, but their birth parents have and what right have i to take that away from them. Ours eldest is also spelt quite strangely as well. We have given them new middle names and in time hope that they might choose to use them.

Anyway most Social workers don't like the names being changed unless it is posing a threat to the children ie highly traceable, living close to birth family.

Will say that we did have a few names that i just wouldn't consider so therefore refused to look at children with those names.

On the other hand we live in a v small village and no one else has children with our names and at school with 90 children again no one else does so makes labelling uniform easier and no mixing up alike the 4 girls called milly.

Yes, good points mway. I guess the point you make about the social workers is just why this couple aren't considering changing the names. My thoughts were that they could change middle names and also maybe adapt the existing 1st names into nicknames that aren't as 'distinctive' (for want of a better word).

Lol about the 'nice' names being so common - spose that's one advantage!

my dd came with a name i strongly objected to, i could never call it out loud, had to fight social services tooth and nail to get name we chose, we had to keep original as a middle name. she was only 14 months though, a couple we know have a 4 year old who is refusing to change hers, at that age i wouldn't push it.
they could start with nick names or abbreviations and hopefully they will stick.
because of their backgrounds many come with very weird names, dreading our next one.
with our dd the foster carers called her a double barrelled, foofoo hifi, then dropped the foofoo.

I think that it is a real problem. I can see that it is not good from the child's point of view to change and I know that Tommy was quite right in the message that it doesn't matter but it would matter to me. I wouldn't mind if I was neutral on it but there are a lot of names I positively hate and I don't like names with the wrong spelling. I think that I would find a nick name and gradually move over to it or if they had two and the second one was better call them both and gradually drop the first. I expect that posters will say this is wrong-I know it is but I can't help being fairly snobbish on names! I know someone who adopted 2 children aged 6 and 4 but they had lovely names so she was lucky.

mumwhereareyou did you really refuse to consider some children because you didn't like their names?

Think of the worst possible chavvy names you can think of; the type that would be given to the children of Vicky Pollard as a p-take and you'll be in the right ball-park. I know it shouldn't matter, but to many people it would. Including me - I don't think I could stand it

i know a couple who adopted a baby boy last summer and they were not allowed to change his first name

The adoptive parents are going to be making all the major cultural and social decisions for their children - if their first names (the first cultural/social decision we take for our biological children) are at odds with all the other cultural and social aspects of their life, that in itself will be a problem.

lol at the use of "cultural and social" as a euphemism for class.
say what you mean, why don't you?

I am really confused here. How bad can these names be?? Can you tell us?

And how old are these children? Because unless they are very tiny it would surely be confusing for them to have their names changed anyway.

(I don't mean you in particular, Anna btw. just a general comment about some of the blatant snobbery on this thread.)

I really really wouldn't care what a child was called. I have a bit of a weird name and it has never done me a jot of harm.

Maybe you don't, but I used it first and explained myself fully (French/English/Jewish/Anglican) which was emphatically not about class

yes, I accept that Anna but this thread is about certain names beng "chavvy" which is emphatically about class

I think we all know that certain names sound chavvy whilst others sound posh (or at least middle class, I hope no one is trying to deny that. But it IS just a name after all. Does it really matter?