Another one of those threads

[Ted27]

I try to stay away from them, but eventually get sucked in 😩

I remember that user name.

@TeenDivided my DDs were Oyster and Shrimp 😀what was your user name (PM if you prefer!)

I was Libertas! I wonder if I still am?! 🤨

I was wizzywoo on there and recognised several.people on here by snippets of their stories and experiences. Nice to see all those old pseudonyms.

I recognise wizzywoo!

AUk really destroyed that community - so many people I wonder about.
I often think of Lily whose daughter died after such a long battle with eating disorders. She was such a lovely young woman - a great loss

Oh I wish I hadn’t read that thread!

I didn’t get all the way through it as it was making me too angry. Thank you for all the wise and measured responses.

Our amazing boys both have very complex needs including profound learning disabilities. I HATE when people view them as ‘less’ than their neurotypical peers and site additional needs as a reason not to adopt. My son’s are ‘my own’ and their additional needs do not take away the fact they are affectionate, loving and perfect just as they are.

Ultimately it’s got to be a great thing that these people wouldn’t adopt but there is just no reason or excuse for outdated and hurtful language and spreading myths

Well I’m sat up with what is clearly someone elses damaged child.

I can’t imagine being so self centered that the thing I love the most about my children is their dna, rather than their personality, smile, funny quirks. I think its quite sad really.

@Ted27
you are so right. I still dont really understand what happened there and why.

@SFCA
you are so right. Our boys have extremely complex needs as well and they are already invisible and of little worth in lots of peoples eyes so to add adoption / child in care stigma on top.is more than I can take . I try to challenge the prejudice and stigma where I.can but at times it just gets too much at times.

@Simonjt
Ah of course that's it! What an idiot I am!
The next time I have a night like last night where I get little sleep.caring for my child with seizures I must remember to find his REAL mother to take over. I keep forgetting he is not really my OWN gorgeous boy!

@flapjackfairy
We already knew about the prejudices and stigmas around disability in general society but what really shocked us was the ableism from some professionals in social care! When we told a social worker we were going to adopt our ‘unadoptable’ (don’t get me started) little boy she was genuinely astonished. She us asked why we would do that and then preceded to tell us how amazing and selfless we were. We are not amazing, we are not selfless he was already our son in every other way and we wanted him to be legally ours too. I feel like he was reduced to diagnoses and tubes and no one was seeing who he was as a child. I have spent years saying parenting our boys is different not worse but there is no getting through to some people.

@Simonjt
Well said! How shallow some people are. I hope you managed a little sleep

@SFCA
I hear every word. When we actively set out to adopt a child with v complex needs we were greeted with suspicion even though we already had a long term fc with complex needs who had been with us a long time.
And dont get me started on the saintly comments. I constantly tell anyone that we are just a normal family and see out kids as no.different to any other family . They just have a lot of medical needs etc . There are no saints in our house and I tell them that because it makes me feel extra pressure to try to be perfect . And of course that sets me up for feeling bad when I fall below my own and others expectations.
I feel v sad that people cant see how wonderful my boys are .

Hiya friends, it's lwren, I saw my arse a few months ago and deleted my account but cannae get my name back.

I didn't read the thread but good on your super ma's for taking no bollocks from anyone.

Youre fucking superheroes for the way you handle stupidity from uninformed bellends online!

I did not read the thread so I am not able to comment. Have been hiding as my lovely DH died 6 months ago and our youngest had to go into residential care which has left me devastated and feeling guilty. Adoption (8) was totally joyous for us despite them all being disabled. I don’t know what I have written is appropriate but would like to thank all you “oldies” for keeping me going.
flapjackfairy where are you? 😍

@Lwrenagain , your post made me smile as the expression ‘saw my arse’ is a personal favourite of mine!

@mumof2many1943 , I’m so sorry to hear the very sad news of your husband’s passing. I’m sending you my heartfelt condolences. I hope you are getting good quality support in real life? I’m sorry too to read about your youngest having to move into residential care.

@mumof2many1943

so very sorry to hear about your husband

its probably pointless telling you not to feel guilty about the residential care, we know that was probably one of the the hardest decisions you have ever had to make. Sometimes its for the best - even if it does not seem like it now
xx

@Lwrenagain

Im sorry adoption has turned out like this - I think you would have been awesome!

Congratulations on your forthcoming arrival - you must come back and tell us all the details ( but not the gory bits!)

@Ted27 , I’ve reread the thread and I realise that I didn’t pick up the very sad news about the death of Lily’s daughter. How tragic. I hope Lily is coping and being supported well? She was so generous to me as a novice adopter on the AUK site.

I went to see her before Christmas (7 hour journey) She was very happy and remembered me and her 3 siblings I came away happy but sad. Despite the distance it is the right place for her. Sadly her three siblings are not happy for her. Real parenting skills I am finding hard. Thanks for listening it has been cathartic.

You sound like a very dedicated mum to travel so far to see your youngest. Did it put your mind at rest to see her happy? I’m sorry to hear about the conflict with her siblings. Please feel free to vent away here; this is a little oasis of safety away from the sometimes madness of the mainstream threads on MN.

@EmmatheStageRat

Yes it was desperately sad, not exactly unexpected but still so young. She battled her illness for such a long time but it destroyed her body- I think she just slipped away in the end. Lily found her in her flat.
I know some of the AUK people went to the funeral so I would imagine they are still in touch.
She worked in a vets and was well known in their community, walking her dog, a lot of people turned out for her.
Lily always wrote so beautifully about her, a lovely, but very lost soul.
Lily gave her name in a post after she died and I asked if she realised she had written it. She said yes because nothing could hurt her now. Her name was Jade.

Yes I read some nasty comments on that thread. The only ones I can understand and agree with were the ones who'd prefer having biological children. I think people who adopt are courageous if that's the right word. 🤔 got a splitting headache so can't think straight atm x