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Original poster

Aaarrrgghhhh Christmas!!!!!

147 replies

gerbilgirl · 22/12/2020 20:30

Anyone else wishing Christmas would hurry up and be here?

This is our third Christmas together and each year the struggle in the build up to it is so hard!!

Our 6 year old is very vocal about how she is feeling which is great and is really taking on board ways we are giving her to help, so although is finding the build up hard is managing it better this year.

Our 10 year old on the other hand is in complete regression mode and just wants to be in her room not engaging with anyone unless she is able to be in control of them.

Come Friday they will be fine and really enjoy the day and each year it gets a bit easier but just wish this bit wasn't so hard on them.

I know I won't be the only one feeling like this at the moment but how I wish it wasn't like this for them!!!

How do you all make it through?

OP posts:
percypetulant · 22/12/2020 20:55

So hard. I found myself wishing they'd broken up from school later, although the build up there has been difficult the last few weeks, anyway.

I don't have any tips, other than alcohol. And screens to get a break where you can. Get out as much as possible, although that's even not the magic it usually is.

It will pass.

Jellycatspyjamas · 22/12/2020 21:02

Wine. More wine than you can imagine.

My 9 year old is properly excited for the first time - she fully trusts that she’ll get gifts that she’s asked and is so very excited. But that means she’s also so very anxious - so lots of anxious destruction of toys and clothes in our house. Both kids have the emotional stability of a toddler and have simultaneously lost all hearing Grin

We broke up today until at least 18 January, I’ve planned lots of helping round the house, long walks and wine. I know what you mean though it’s like a bubble has burst come Christmas Day.

I did find myself thinking this afternoon (as chaos reigned in my house) that this is exactly what I longed for for so many years, it may be tougher than I thought it would be but my god I wouldn’t swap it for anything.

percypetulant · 22/12/2020 21:11

this is exactly what I longed for for so many years, it may be tougher than I thought it would be but my god I wouldn’t swap it for anything.

Sometimes, I remember pre children Christmases. They were peaceful, restful etc. But I dreamt of this, and I wouldn't swap it. But I do find a glass of wine while cooking tea helps!

Ted27 · 22/12/2020 21:14

This is our ninth Christmas and its always been really positive for us.

This year we are both very down, we cannot see family and in fact havent seem most of our family since last Christmas and my parents since July. He is devastated that we can’t go now.
I’m just really fed up working at home, my life has closed down to my living room, I feel very isolated.
We are going to a lights trail tomorrow and will have breakfast with friends on Christmas Eve, but thats it - no panto, scout camp, theatre, parties. I think we both wish it was over now

sneekymum · 23/12/2020 04:42

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Jellycatspyjamas · 23/12/2020 08:31

@Ted27 I get it, we’ve not seen most of our family this year, my girl was saying last night that everyone’s left her again so we had a chat about how hard this year has been - tears for us both. I’m fed up working from home abd now will be homeschooling again come January - so feeling a bit done with it all except my two are still super excited so I’m having to drag it up from somewhere. So bloody tiring.

SimonJT · 23/12/2020 11:27

This is the first time we have actually done christmas so I’ve tried to keep it low key.

We have a christmas tree but thats the only decoration, not a huge amount of gifts as he gets overwhelmed by birthday presents.

But so far he is coping really well, hes excited without being over the top or it being a mixture of excitement and anxiety.

So 🤞🏽 It keeps going well

Niffler75 · 23/12/2020 13:07

@gerbilgirl Hi! Totally get it! We are on our fifth Christmas here. My son is doing really well this year but in the past we have had regression, anxiety and tears!
Things that work for us. Keeping demands low and lowering anxiety levels, having the same low key activities and food. My son has a safe space in his room and he can retreat when he needs to take a break. A visual timetable so he knows what is happening.
My son gets dysregulated if he gets too excited. Lots of nice things can cause anxiety. Tiredness increases this by a factor of 10!

user1479136681 · 23/12/2020 18:51

This is our first Christmas and LO is too young to really understand it atm. However I have always struggled with the build up myself and find it so stressful! I was thinking about what we'll do to make Christmas relaxing for him in the future and realised I'd accidentally planned my own ideal Christmas.

All the grandparents are sad to be missing the first family Christmas with their first grandchild. But I'm kind of relieved we won't have to travel all over the place and disrupt his routine.

Jellycatspyjamas · 23/12/2020 19:16

I’d resist being the one to do all the travel at Christmas as much as possible. The idea of trying to drag my two away from their gifts on Christmas to see family doesn’t bear thinking about - I took the position that if family want to see them on the day, they need to come to us, for coffee not dinner. We usually see family on Christmas Eve and on Boxing Day but the actual day we stay home so whatever the day brings, we have space to deal with it.

SimonJT · 26/12/2020 18:43

How did we all do?

My son was up at 5am yesterday, but managed to stay in his room until about 5:30, he had two meltdowns before 8am so I was a bit worried, but after that he was okay and managed to have fun without being over excited. He was even asleep by 7pm and he didn’t wake up until almost 9am today, thats his latest ever wake up!

user1479136681 · 26/12/2020 18:52

For us it was poor-fair. LO woke up at 5.30. We paced the presents but he was too excited to nap and had a few huge meltdowns. He had fun opening his presents though.

Jellycatspyjamas · 27/12/2020 08:47

We went well, kids were up at 7 on about 7 hours sleep but were in good spirits all day, no tears or meltdowns. We did abandon Christmas dinner in favour of beans on toast (which my youngest asked for and ate), I figured they were so tired that a full sit down meal would be a recipe for disaster. We had Christmas dinner on Boxing Day instead and I’d honestly do that now until they’re much older. We enjoyed the meal for what it was instead of kids being focussed on their new toys.

calmandhappy · 27/12/2020 09:56

I truly hope that the posts here about alcohol were jokes. It would be really sad if anyone couldn't get through Christmas with young children without anaesthetising themselves! They were jokes, right?

calmandhappy · 27/12/2020 09:59

@Jellycatspyjamas I think that having the big dinner on boxing day is a good idea too.

Jellycatspyjamas · 27/12/2020 12:23

I truly hope that the posts here about alcohol were jokes. It would be really sad if anyone couldn't get through Christmas with young children without anaesthetising themselves! They were jokes, right?

Young children, with complex additional needs, who have very compromised self regulatory skills, for whom Christmas has very difficult memories, whereby Christmas is hugely exciting and hugely anxiety provoking leading to destructive behaviour? Yes, after I found my girl crying inconsolably on Christmas Eve having damaged her most favourite cuddle you ever because she thought Santa had tricked her into thinking she might get the gift on her list (singular because she can’t ask for her needs to be met) and then realised it might not actually happen - I did pour myself a glass of wine. It’s not about “getting through Christmas with young children”, it’s about dealing with near constant flashbacks that happen at this time of year.

Were you always such a sanctimonious, judgemental soul or do you have to work on it?

Ted27 · 27/12/2020 12:40

@calmandhappy

the rest of mumsnet is awash with posts about alcohol consumption and drinking whilst pregnant, is it just adoptive parents that aren’t allowed to have a glass of wine ?

Ted27 · 27/12/2020 12:45

we had a nice enough day, the bits I was awake !
I’ve been working 10 hour days, have insomnia and been existing on 3 -4 hours sleep a night for months. I’m exhausted and when I finally stopped on Christmas Eve, I think my body just said enough.
We had some nice phone calls with family and friends, posh breakfast, lasagne for dinner in the evening and played a silly game. Yesterday we watched a movie and had burgers in buns, he was otherwise happy enoough watching the footie and on his PS4.

percypetulant · 27/12/2020 12:57

@calmandhappy Meh, a wee tipple is fine, we're not all rolling around slurring our words. We're not perfect.

calmandhappy · 27/12/2020 14:31

Oh dear, so it wasn't a joke, or it was?

@ted27 if you did a post on AIBU now about having to drink copious amounts to cope with xmas when you have small children, you would get the majority of posters saying what I have said.

@jellycatspyjamas I do not know one single parent of young children in real life who drink in the way this thread suggests, other than one, and that person is an alcoholic. Me saying that does not make me sanctimonious, judgemental soul. Are you a sanctimonious judgemental soul, though?

Young children, with complex additional needs, who have very compromised self regulatory skills, for whom Christmas has very difficult memories, whereby Christmas is hugely exciting and hugely anxiety provoking leading to destructive behaviour surely having children like this is a reason not to drink, not a reason to drink?

a wee tipple is fine, we're not all rolling around slurring our words so you were joking when you advised copious amounts of alcohol. That is good. As you were then.

SimonJT · 27/12/2020 14:35

I see the fun police are here

Jellycatspyjamas · 27/12/2020 14:50

I’d reply to you but we’d end up derailing a thread asking about Christmas as adoptive parents. Why don’t you share how you found Christmas as an adoptive parent instead of picking holes in people who are getting on with it?

How was your Christmas with your adopted children then @calmandhappy?

user1479136681 · 27/12/2020 14:59

This is quite hilarious

Niffler75 · 27/12/2020 15:16

Oh crikey! Happy, happy, joy, joy! 🙄

calmandhappy · 27/12/2020 16:48

Saying that if people are using alcohol as a crutch it is worrying is completely different from saying that drinking for fun isn't allowed. There is a huge difference. I think getting tipsy for fun is great, getting drunk is great if you are using it socially and enjoying it and laughing, all great.

Drinking because you are triggered or finding things difficult is not great and is not fun. I am really sorry if you think I am being a bitch and spoiling your fun saying that, but it is true. If (and I mean if) that is what you are saying, then you need to get help. I do in fact know an adopter who has become alcoholic and it isn't a laughing matter, and it started like this.

This is not derailing the thread at all. If no one had suggested alcohol or commented as they have, I wouldn't have said anything about it.