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Aaarrrgghhhh Christmas!!!!!

147 replies

gerbilgirl · 22/12/2020 20:30

Anyone else wishing Christmas would hurry up and be here?

This is our third Christmas together and each year the struggle in the build up to it is so hard!!

Our 6 year old is very vocal about how she is feeling which is great and is really taking on board ways we are giving her to help, so although is finding the build up hard is managing it better this year.

Our 10 year old on the other hand is in complete regression mode and just wants to be in her room not engaging with anyone unless she is able to be in control of them.

Come Friday they will be fine and really enjoy the day and each year it gets a bit easier but just wish this bit wasn't so hard on them.

I know I won't be the only one feeling like this at the moment but how I wish it wasn't like this for them!!!

How do you all make it through?

OP posts:
percypetulant · 28/12/2020 12:48

@calmandhappy

Oh no, a stranger on the internet is judging me!

Come and judge away. We're really thick skinned.

calmandhappy · 28/12/2020 13:05

@percypetulant except I wasn't judging, was I? You would hear the same thing universally, not in a judgemental way but in a factual way, that if you use alcohol to cope then you are on a slippery slope and yes you will be having a negative affect on those around you. No one said anything about not drinking at all. You are being judgemental, not me. And as for thick skinned, I can give as good as I get.

Stinkyjellycat · 28/12/2020 13:11

@calmandhappy
You haven’t answered my question (also asked by someone else). Are you a parent by adoption. If so, how was your Christmas? After all, that’s what this thread was supposed to be about.

Jellycatspyjamas · 28/12/2020 14:01

except I wasn't judging,

You were judging. You took a lighthearted comment about alcohol amongst a group of regular posters on a specialist board and have ran and ran with it. You haven’t remotely been ripped to shreds - people have simply taken your judgemental hyperbole to its logical end. No one here is using alcohol as a crutch, you’ve interpreted that through the lens of your own experience (which in adoption terms seems to be knowing one alcoholic adopter) and decided we needed a lesson in “sucking it up”.

My kids aren’t remotely harmed by me having a glass of wine at the end of a challenging day any more than they are harmed by me getting out for a walk, or reading a book or doing some craft activity to relax and unwind. All of which forms part of my self care - which I need to meet my kids needs.

percypetulant · 28/12/2020 14:01

Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!

(That's me sliding down all these slippery slopes)

percypetulant · 28/12/2020 14:03

(sorry, I shouldn't feed the troll)- I agree, how was your Christmas, parenting your adopted kids?

Ours is lovely now, I much prefer the days after than the build up.

Jellycatspyjamas · 28/12/2020 14:25

@jellycatspyjamas I do not know one single parent of young children in real life who drink in the way this thread suggests,

I’m not going to feed the troll but @calmandhappy I am going to ask you to explain this comment made on the first page. At this point there were two posts which referred to alcohol - one by @percypetulant making reference to a glass of wine while cooking, and one by me “wine, more wine than you can imagine”. Neither suggested a “way of drinking” - my comment was intended to be lighthearted and was taken as such by the people on this thread who know me through my posting here. You keep insisting that folk here are using alcohol as a crutch - where’s your evidence for that? Where is your evidence that people are drinking because they are triggered in some way rather than just winding down at the end of the day (as many parent do)?

No one here has posted anything that would suggest problematic alcohol use - show me where you think they have.

user1479136681 · 28/12/2020 14:35

I'm going to have a drink every time I get a notification about this thread 😂

@percypetulant I agree about the days after being so much nicer! Leftovers and lots of new toys to play with. We've been on some nice walks. I just love the feeling of a new season beginning too.

SimonJT · 28/12/2020 14:38

I’m currently drinking a bottle of proud beer, in a few minutes I’ll pop on the balcony to have a bit of vape time.

Won’t somebody think of the children.

Didkdt · 28/12/2020 14:39

@calmandhappy you don’t actually sound calm or happy, I was given some really good parenting advice wants those that plough in with the uninvited advice and dos and don’ts are the ones with the greatest difficulties in their inter family relationships and I should just ignore them.
Just sharing in case you wanted something to think about

As to the rest I raise a glass of red be it Ribena or Rioja and say Merry Christmas and let’s see what 2021 brings to the mix Wine

Jellycatspyjamas · 28/12/2020 14:40

The days in between have been nice, yes, lots of new toys and the kids are much less anxious. We’ve had a couple of nice days around the house - Lego, crafts, board games, some nice walks and afternoons in front of the fire. It’s been nice to relax and enjoy being together without the heightened emotions of the weeks preceding Christmas.

Didkdt · 28/12/2020 14:40

Wants should read “which is”

SimonJT · 28/12/2020 14:41

@Didkdt

Wants should read “which is”
Is it the drunk typing?

🤣🤣

percypetulant · 28/12/2020 14:43

@jellycatspyjamas

Exactly this. Next year, we have another full week off school before Christmas. Would it be wrong to declare the 18th Christmas Day, so we get the whole time as post-Christmas time?! Maybe I can blame brexit.

Jellycatspyjamas · 28/12/2020 14:46

Ah in Scotland the schools always run up til 22/23rd which I’m glad of - I’d happily declare the 18th Christmas though if it stopped you being driven to drink 🍺

percypetulant · 28/12/2020 17:47

Whispers- the glass of wine while cooking sometimes happens when it's not Christmas...

Won't somebody think of my poor children?!

Didkdt · 28/12/2020 18:02

I’m saying nothing WineGrin

Moominmammaatsea · 28/12/2020 20:57

Studiously ignoring the white elephant in the room...

I’m pleased everyone appears to have survived Christmas intact (and with their livers not too dessicated Wink).

So, we have Christmas here and then a birthday two days later. Thirteen this year! 😱

Last year, we had 12 preteen girls for a sleepover party (I know, I’m batshit crazy) but this year was, of necessity, very low key. Funnily enough, I’ve learned over the past 13 years, that my DD1 (AKA the birthday girl) actually hates her birthday day (too much anxiety and worry about people letting her down) so I now plan all the birthday treats (shopping with her money/cake etc) for the following day ie today. As a true Yorkshire woman, the bonus is that everything is significantly cheaper as it’s now in the sales!

calmandhappy · 28/12/2020 21:05

[quote Jellycatspyjamas]**@jellycatspyjamas I do not know one single parent of young children in real life who drink in the way this thread suggests,

I’m not going to feed the troll but @calmandhappy I am going to ask you to explain this comment made on the first page. At this point there were two posts which referred to alcohol - one by @percypetulant** making reference to a glass of wine while cooking, and one by me “wine, more wine than you can imagine”. Neither suggested a “way of drinking” - my comment was intended to be lighthearted and was taken as such by the people on this thread who know me through my posting here. You keep insisting that folk here are using alcohol as a crutch - where’s your evidence for that? Where is your evidence that people are drinking because they are triggered in some way rather than just winding down at the end of the day (as many parent do)?

No one here has posted anything that would suggest problematic alcohol use - show me where you think they have.[/quote]
calling someone a troll is really fucking rude jellycat, you might not think you are ripping someone to shreds here, but you often do, you are often really fucking rude - or is that just to people who disagree with you?

to answer your question, read back. I asked if the comments about drinking were a joke, and you responded by calling me judgemental (NB I was not being judgemental, I had asked a question) and then talking about a situation where your ad had become very upset and you said - your words - you had a glass of wine afterwards and that I should be understanding of that. I am not understanding of that and you can dress this up any way you like, move goal posts, be insulting, name call, but you yourself said you dealt with a distressing situation by going to get a glass of wine.

I just do not know, personally, ie within my circle, any parent who would even think about getting a glass of wine in that situation, and yes, whether you like it or not, you reaching for the wine in that moment is you using alcohol inappropriately as a crutch. You did not describe you getting a wee bit tipsy over the turkey cooking and dancing around to a jazzy version of "White Christmas", you referred to you using alcohol as a coping strategy.

And @percypetulant recommended drink, and said a glass of wine when cooking dinner helped her.

I am sorry but these are your (you and percy) own words. You are being abusive to me for asking a simple question - were these jokes - and then saying that if not you are using alcohol as a crutch, simple as that.

I have been around here long enough to know how these threads go and basically I am willing to make the point over and over in the hope that it gets through to you at some point in the future.

calmandhappy · 28/12/2020 21:15

[quote Didkdt]@calmandhappy you don’t actually sound calm or happy, I was given some really good parenting advice wants those that plough in with the uninvited advice and dos and don’ts are the ones with the greatest difficulties in their inter family relationships and I should just ignore them.
Just sharing in case you wanted something to think about

As to the rest I raise a glass of red be it Ribena or Rioja and say Merry Christmas and let’s see what 2021 brings to the mix Wine[/quote]
I was calm and happy when I first posted! However, the irony here of posters insisting that I should not dare to comment about alcohol consumption around dc is on some dark level cheering me up though.

I was given some really good parenting advice wants those that plough in with the uninvited advice and dos and don’ts are the ones with the greatest difficulties in their inter family relationships and I should just ignore them I haven't given advice. I have been asked for advice though - someone asked how I could make them a perfect parent just like me (i am nearly perfect, it is true). So sticking to the theme of alcohol, my advice is stop drinking for a couple of weeks, have lots of early nights, see how you feel. There you go! That was asked for, so it was invited. And as for me having difficulties with my inter family relationships, I can assure you that that is not correct in the theme of alcohol. As for other problems I might have, well, at least I cope with them without resorting to having a glass of wine or wee tipple to take the edge off....

percypetulant · 28/12/2020 21:19

@calmandhappy

You've studiously ignored the question asking how your Christmas was with your adopted children?

Jellycatspyjamas · 28/12/2020 21:24

I’m not being abusive, and I’m not the one swearing. And I was referencing a previous poster in calling you a troll. If you think I’ve been abusive please feel free to report the post in question.

At the time you posted your “I don’t know one single person” comment I hadn’t posted about my daughter (DD if you’re doing abbreviations, not AD) so you had already decided those two comments indicated problematic drinking behaviour - you made a judgment at that time and now will throw anything (including a tantrum) to prove your point.

ie within my circle, any parent who would even think about getting a glass of wine in that situation

I gave that situation as an example of the kind of thing we deal with in our house. I didn’t reach for wine as a first response but did have a glass of wine that evening after dealing with a number of Christmas induced meltdowns. In the situation I’m busy trying to help calm my kids, as I imagine parents “within your circle” would.

And in terms of my posting history either you’ve name changed for this little gem, or you’ve been reading my posting history, either way I really don’t care. I also don’t care if you think I’m rude here or elsewhere.

I’ve asked you to substantiate your assertion that the thread indicates problematic drinking - which you’ve not been able to do - and asked about your experience parenting adopted children over Christmas, which you’ve repeatedly ignored when I’ve asked and when others have asked. I’m not sure what’s rude about that. It’s certainly not less rude than dropping into an active support thread to suggest posters are on the slippery slope to substance misuse.

Moominmammaatsea · 28/12/2020 21:26

@calmandhappy, why, only ‘nearly perfect’? Goodness me, how low you set the bar for your children. I suggest you start getting up at 4am to recite the entire contents of Roget’s Thesaurus so your children don’t struggle so much to keep up in school. I myself am totally 100 per cent perfect, hence my children being vastly superior in every way.

percypetulant · 28/12/2020 21:29

Hand up! Waves! It was me who suggested you may be trolling the adoption board. It's a suspicion based on your posting to two threads that don't actually answer the OP, and don't give any of your own experience as an adoptive parent, but instead attack others doing that very difficult job.

I apologise if I was casting aspersions unfairly, and if you would, in fact, like to share your experience, as an adopter.

Moominmammaatsea · 28/12/2020 21:33

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