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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

2017 potential adopters

144 replies

exercisejunkie · 27/12/2016 13:08

Hi,

I'm beginning my adoption journey in 2017, as a potential single adopter.

Please join me and we can learn, get advice and share as we travel this journey together!

OP posts:
earthyambitions · 24/01/2017 17:48

It was today, thank you 😊
All looking good. We willl hear in the next couple of weeks if we can start stage 1!!

Fooksakeduckie · 24/01/2017 18:27

Good luck earthy, hope you hear soon.Wine

Trae577 · 28/01/2017 06:47

Hi

Hope it ok to join this.

We have just started our adoption journey, we attended an information evening and SW rang to arrange intial visit which is in 2 weeks. Am so excited!!

Have read loads of different ones but what is everyones experience of this visit?

Good look everyone 😊😊

Fooksakeduckie · 28/01/2017 16:10

Hi Trae577, our initial visit was very relaxed, however beforehand I was not, I had deep cleaned the house from top to bottom and was a complete stress head but really shouldn't have been. The sw came out to our home and asked why we wanted to adopt and she explained a bit about the process that we'd go through pre and post official application and from that signed us up for prep groups and medicals. Good luck.

Trae577 · 29/01/2017 00:15

Ah fab thank you 😊

Am so excited and nervois at the same time!!!

esqualibur · 31/01/2017 17:15

Hello - joining this thread as we are about to embark on initial stages of adoption research, starting with an information day in Kent. Lots of info here already from everyone!

DeegeeDee · 01/02/2017 21:06

Welcome Esqalibur! We are also in Kent.

We are almost through stage 1, house visit from SW this Friday and first of our 4 training days start on Tuesday 7th. Not even sure what to expect from that.

DG

esqualibur · 02/02/2017 11:09

Thanks DeegeeDee!

Great to hear about your progress, exciting!! I may DM you on the agency you are using if that's ok as we are not yet sure which one to go with.

Poudrenez · 02/02/2017 16:51

Just approved today, so I'm de-lurking as a celebration! Good to meet you all. We're two prospective dads (gay obviously).

The panel was interesting. They basically overrode our SW's recommendation that we only adopt a white (like us) child. I wasn't expecting that, I got the sense they were sort of pro-us, whereas the SW has to be pro-child.

ZeeW · 02/02/2017 18:00

Congrats on approval Poudrenez!

Husband and I had matching panel today. It was a bit disheartening. Panels recommendation IS a yes, but only 3 of the 6 votes yes. So now we have to wait for the agency decision maker to say yay or nay. Less clear cut than a unanimous decision would've been 😞

Chocogoingcuckoo · 02/02/2017 20:08

Congratulations Proudrenez and ZeeW. I hope you don't need to wait too long and the ultimate decision falls in your favour. Did the panel give you reasons why, is it something you can work on?

Myself and dh are finding post approval to be the most difficult with the waiting and always checking for missed texts and calls and emails to see of we've finally been signed up to link maker. We've been chasing up our SW constantly after being told of a potential match. The not knowing and our fate being in the hands of the professionals is emotional torture!

Chocogoingcuckoo · 03/02/2017 14:53

Can I ask how long have folk waited between being approached about a potential match and a decision (any more info)? I understand things slow down over Christmas with holidays but we've now been in limbo for 9 weeks Confused The delays are apparently from the child's sw, what sorts of things can cause these delays or is this just a normal time frame?

DeegeeDee · 04/02/2017 15:22

No worries, Esquauliber, have answered. Congratulations Poudrenez and Chocogoingcuckoo - would be interesting to know why the split in the decision too.

Poudrenez, has the widened the pool that youre now looking at?

First home safety visit undertaken and like others said, it was from a health perspective, the cleanliness of the house seems secondary (although am sure if it was a filth bucket, that would have been noted). All questions on health, safety and amendments to make either for yourself or prior to you receiving a child, took less than an hour and we spent most of it discussing holidays. More from the training session next week. Good luck to all.

DGD

topcat2014 · 10/02/2017 20:08

Well, we really are at the beginning. - been to an 'open day', and got an appointment for a meeting with adoption services (ie council).

Just trying to learn the terminology off MN.

Currently have DD(10) - but way too early to mention anything to her.

ZeeW · 12/02/2017 20:37

The ADM got back to us on Friday... THEY SAID YES!!

So relieved, but I have next week off as leave before intros due to start, so it was a bit stressful only finding out 2 hours before the end of the day that it was actually my last day before everything kicks off!! Oh what a load off. Time to panic now though! Grin

ZeeW · 12/02/2017 20:40

Oh and the 1 no and 2 maybes were apparently because we had t demonstrated we could meet kids mental health needs. Which we (and our SW) thought was complete bollocks quite frankly! (1) that was covered extensively at approval - that we are prepared for the additional mental health needs a child coming from care WILL have and (2) kid doesn't have any above and beyond what any child in care has (at the moment) and (3) they didn't ask us about it at panel!!! If they wanted more info, we were right there!

Oh it was infuriating and made the last week and a bit just agonising. I felt sure the ADM would be overly cautious and go for deferral.

Phew!

Chocogoingcuckoo · 12/02/2017 22:21

Yay congratulations ZeeW, exciting times. 😀

Original poster
exercisejunkie · 13/02/2017 07:22

Hi all!

ZeeW fantastic news!

Newbies - welcome!

I finally finished and emailed my workbook to my social worker last night, it's due in today so cutting it a little fine! In reality it was finished last weekend just wanted to tweak it.
For those who don't know, the workbook is a detailed document that has a health and safety checklist, a financial form, and a long section on my education, family background, career, health, childcare experience and much much more! Oh and a chronology of my life since I was born.

Submitting it had a quite strange effect on me, I emailed it and then burst into tears, not sure if if was relief or fear or just the feeling ofvulnerbility at laying myself so bare in the document.

OP posts:
Poudrenez · 13/02/2017 15:57

DeegeeDee - sorry for the delayed response!

Yes, our range of potential adoptees has increased thanks to the panel's decision, they questioned the SW's recommendation that we only adopt a white child, and offered us the option of being considered for fostering to adopt, which we hadn't really gone into as we are looking for a 3-5 year old, and apparently f2a is more likely for younger children. It was quite an odd experience - our SW wrote a glowing PAR, but the panel seemed to think it was unnecessarily restrictive. She seemed to get told off by them, I felt a bit for her!

pebbles320 · 13/02/2017 17:06

Hi all, DH and I have talked about adoption for a few years but it was always 'maybe someday'. Recently we've started thinking about it a lot more seriously, especially as we are buying our first home this year and we've had a lot of discussions about 'a garden for the kids' etc.

We're still a few years off starting the process properly, mostly because we'll need to save up so that I can take at least 6 months off work once we have a match, but it'll be nice to lurk around on this thread and see how you all get on.

My main anxiety is around DH's mental health; he has OCD which is under control 90% of the time but I'm worried that it might count against him during the adoption process. That would be such a shame because his OCD actually makes him a really loving, caring person (he cares so deeply about really tiny details that other people wouldn't even notice) and he is incredibly patient so I think he would be a great dad to child who really needed a family. Does anyone have any experience of MH and adoption?

ZeeW · 13/02/2017 19:24

Hi pebbles, welcome! I have a history of mild depression and to be honest I thought they made more of it than needed to be, but one of our social workers eventually did come to see it as, well not so much a positive, but at least neutral. Personally I thought it should have been angled as showing resilience, not having stigma about mental health issues, knowing signs and to get help early etc. But it was a main part of the paperwork.

Didn't come up at approval panel or matching panel though, just in paperwork!!

earthyambitions · 13/02/2017 19:41

Congrats ZeeW!!
We have just completed out medical forms and official expression of interest forms which will all be sent off tomorrow. Then I think we are waiting for the workbook to arrive.

We've done lots of reading and have to admit that reading the extreme cases has been hard but I think we are feeling that we will be prepared for the worst and hope for the best. After all if we thought about the worst case every time we did something we'd never do anything!!

taddygirl82 · 15/02/2017 21:28

Hi everyone hope you don't mind me getting involved in this post!

I am just starting the process of adoption on my own. I've been thinking about it for a few years and following my divorce 2 years ago I feel ready now. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time. I have a phone interview next week and from this a home visit . I'm not sure what to expect from either of these .

Looking forward to seeing everyone's journey on here as well Smile

earthyambitions · 16/02/2017 10:49

Hi taddygirl, our initial phone call was about 20 mins of them asking questions about our home, family, health, reasons we wanted to adopt and hwhat we felt we had to offer. The home visit after that was much more in depth conversation about all of those things and lots of information about the process plus a look around the house and they wanted to meet our dogs. All very friendly and relaxed. Good luck 😊

beanhunter · 19/02/2017 11:46

Hi. Hope it's ok to join? We are strongly considering adoption. We have a 4.5 year old dd but haven't been able to conceive again despite several surgeries and ivf cycles. I don't think I want to do anymore fertility treatment but I'm certain that our family isn't done. We've talked about adoption in the past but for the first time it's starting to feel
Like the rational next step. We are due to move areas in the summer so I assume we couldn't start until then (and I know they like there to be time after fertility treatment - our last cycle was November) as we would move local authorities? Or could we use a voluntary agency and transfer across?
Grateful for any advice.