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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

2017 potential adopters

144 replies

exercisejunkie · 27/12/2016 13:08

Hi,

I'm beginning my adoption journey in 2017, as a potential single adopter.

Please join me and we can learn, get advice and share as we travel this journey together!

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somethingwitty3432 · 14/01/2017 17:09

Can I join too please? We are waiting to start stage 2 of the process having completed stage 1 in December. It's been an amazing (and eye opening!) journey so far. The training was amazing & just made me super excited - I think I had cold feet to begin with but the more I'm learning the more I'm looking forward to it all.

Deegeedee I wondered when I should tell work but part of stage 1 requires a reference from your employer so it ends up coming out quite quick! It's strange really as someone TTC would never dream of sharing that early. I was so worried but work have been v supportive - surprisingly so!

Would love to stay in touch with everyone on here. My friends & family are great but clearly just can't quite get their heads round where we're at!

earthyambitions · 15/01/2017 07:56

Hi Somethingwitty, congratulations on getting through stage one 😊. We are just waiting for a date for our first home visit and our heads are already swimming with questions and information. Feeling very excited at the moment. Everybody seems to be quick to tell us how hideous they've heard the process is so we are trying to stay very relaxed and open minded about it all!

exercisejunkie · 15/01/2017 08:37

Hi!

Something witty- congrats! Must feel like you, climbed half a mountain!

Earthy- good luck, my LA don'5 do home visits until stage 2 luckily! My spare room is a mess right now! Hoping to have it re painted and papered before them!

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earthyambitions · 15/01/2017 08:50

Ha yes today is big clean incase they come next week! I'm guessing week after is more likely. We are thinking about references at the moment. LA said it would be a good idea to start thinking about it now. We need two family ones and two others. Family are not a problem. We have a couple of friends that have known us both for a long time but we don't see that much of them anymore because they live an hour and an hour and half away now. We would be likely to contact them for advice etc but less likely to use them for day to day support because of where they are. Otherwise I have friends I have worked with that I can ask and that are more likely to be the main support network because I see them all the time and that would be able to talk about me as a parent but DH's friends could talk about him but haven't really seen him in much of a parenting context. They see him in relation to specific hobbies rather than at home. I don't know his friends that well. Not sure what is the best way to go with it!

exercisejunkie · 15/01/2017 10:23

Hi earthy!

I've just filled in my references form!

I put my sister as my family one, she's got two children and we're very close so made sense.
Personal ones I put one of my oldest friends, she has a young child and is a senior theatre manager in a big hospital so will be great!
an old colleague who is a very good friend, I went to her wedding and did a reading, she's not local but we have both worked with children with SEN our whole careers so she'I'll be a good reference.
My third is my old bosses who are now good friends, they gave twins one of whom has additional needs, they have fostered in the past so know the system well.

I also have additional ones from a speech therapist and an occupational therapist Both if whom I worked with for a good few years to support the pupils in my classses and have kept in touch with regularly.

It is a big decision.

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somethingwitty3432 · 15/01/2017 17:26

Congrats on starting stage 1 exercisejunkie - it's a big step but not as scary or intrusive as you might think. All the tasks are actually really interesting (family tree, chronology, eco map support network etc) and the training is brilliant.

Earthy re references we spoke to our duty social worker on this as we've moved around so much all our family & friends were all over the place. The advice we got was choose ppl who've 1) seen you interact with children 2) who live near by & could offer hands-on support 3) have known you for a long time 4) have experience of adoption/fostering/children with SEN or behavioural issues. We were only allowed 1 family member & ended up changing our minds after her advice.

And everyone re home visits - I panicked so much about this I cleaned the house top to bottom but I needn't have stressed. The social worker was super friendly, came only into our kitchen/diner & the only other room she wanted to see was the rooms we proposed the kids would sleep in. I'd envisaged her opening every cupboard & looking under beds! She did want to see our cat to 'interview' him tho.

I hope that's reassuring for anyone about to start stage 1 anyway! I hear stage 2 is a lot more intense & intrusive but I'm hoping people will say otherwise & it'll be smooth sailing (fingers crossed!)

earthyambitions · 15/01/2017 18:10

Fab that's great advice 😊

exercisejunkie · 15/01/2017 19:18

Thank you somethingwitty! Really useful advice

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CannotEvenDeal · 15/01/2017 22:18

Evening all, admittedly I don't know anything about the usual stages of adoptions but I wish you all good luck!

For adopting dsc you need to inform your LA 3 months before applying for a court order and so I am going to email our LA tomorrow about applying to adopt dss and set up a home visit Smile

Hope everyone has a good week!

Piglizard · 18/01/2017 13:53

I did the big clean yesterday, as had a visit today from the SW of the children we would like to adopt! Seemed to go well, and should near in the next few days if they are happy for us to be matched 😊 Keep going earthy - they do ask lot of questions as part of the approval process, but everyone involved wants you to succeed and they'll be very supportive.

earthyambitions · 18/01/2017 20:24

Thanks piglizard and fingers crossed for you. We will be doing a big clean at the weekend because we have our first home visit on Tuesday. Feeling excited and terrified!!

ZeeWesty · 21/01/2017 17:57

Hello! I'm joining Mumsnet as I finally feel like I can, as husband and I are are going to matching panel for kid next month. I've only got 3 weeks left st work! Eep! (Can I hide from responsibility for maybe a tiny bit longer?! But also have kid here right now?!!)

earthyambitions · 22/01/2017 09:16

Hi zeewesty, congratulations! How long has the process taken for you? We are just starting out and the day we finally find our child seems a long way in the future at the moment!

ZeeW · 22/01/2017 11:10

We put our form in in august 2015, we had a month delay between stages 1 and 2 due to a huge once-in-a-decade holiday we already had booked, and then we asked to delay approval panel by another month so we could get our finances a bit more in order, and we went to approval in April 2016.

There was some delay in anything happening after approval as someone in the office at the LA died suddenly, causing a backlog both with their work, and shock/upset for their colleagues.

Had our first match in June but it wasn't right.

Had our second match in July. Shortlisted with another couple so we had to interview for kid in august! By then in our minds kid was ours though, so it's a good job they went with us!!!

Had a matching panel date in October, but husbands bad sinus infection throughout august turned out to be an immune system disorder! Panel was cancelled whilst he had hospital tests, biopsies, biotyerapy, and an agonising wait for a letter to come through from his consultant confirming he's still ok to adopt, even though this is something he has forever now!

In November they told us the next available panel they could have us on was February. I got a bit angry at the world at this point, to put it mildly! And Christmas sucked. But soon. Soon. :)

So 18 months from application, including a 4 month illness delay, and 2 months of slowing the process down.

ZeeW · 22/01/2017 11:23

Oh and I think I've settled on a username now :)

somethingwitty3432 · 22/01/2017 14:52

Wow zeew what a journey! Well done on getting through it all & fingers definitely crossed for you.

Piglizard how did the meeting with the child's social worker go?

earthyambitions · 22/01/2017 18:54

Blimey ZeeW, you've been through the mill with it all haven't you. Must feel good to be on the home stretch so to speak!

Fooksakeduckie · 22/01/2017 22:44

Hey, we've been approved awaiting a match. Just short on 2 years since initial phone call to register interest in adoption was made. Been pretty patient and understanding but now I'm very ready to be a family and move on from constant cycles of courses, meetings, panels and of course the deep cleans just incase there's a sw visit haha. Been signed up for link maker but not sure how I feel about it. Anyone else at this stage?

zigzagbetty · 23/01/2017 08:03

Hi We are doing foster to adopt and will be meeting our 12 week old girl on week Tuesday! It's taken us 2years and 4 months from initial enquiry but from start of stage 2 it's about a year. I would say be assertive when things aren't moving as social workers have a lot to do and you may slip down the to do listGrin
Can't belive I'm going to be a mummy at last Smile

zigzagbetty · 23/01/2017 08:06

Duckie The wait from approval was THE WORST! especially when everyone else on our course was getting matched. Link maker was something we tried and we were in discussion about a baby on there just before we got locally matched. I found I had to just persevere on there and hide any profile which is not right for you so it is not as overwhelming!

Fooksakeduckie · 23/01/2017 08:38

Betty it really is the worst! Thanks for the tips.

earthyambitions · 23/01/2017 19:13

Congratulations zizagbetty! We are considering foster to adopt. Did you feel like you were given enough info to feel comfortable about the risk?

zigzagbetty · 23/01/2017 23:08

We were given information leaflets at our course day and our sw made sure we fully understood the risks before we got approved. With this match there is a small risk that it might not work as with all foster to adopt and they gave us all the info about the different things that could go wrong. We asked loads of questions about family and potential people contesting but our is a pretty straight forward we think. Tbh we fell in love as soon as we saw her pic so are probably not being properly objective Blush
We wanted a young baby and for thee to be as few placements as possible so fta makes sense to us!

RosieTheQueenOfCorona · 24/01/2017 10:25

Is it your home visit today earthyambitions? Good luck!

exercisejunkie · 24/01/2017 13:01

Zigzagbetty - congratulations! I'm in stage 1 at present and have heard a little about f2a and I'' leaning towards that but wondered how much you know about your little ones background and if you have any projection of their future development, it's been drummed into me that alcohol use by birth mum is worse that drug use, SEN does not worry me, my background is SEN teaching and nannying but I guess worry is in the back of my mind and my families mind. I'm a single adopter so my family want to know from the start what we should expect. Feel free to pm me, I realise you cannot break confidentiality.

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