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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Letterbox

461 replies

MissFenella · 30/05/2015 23:42

Is it usual/typical for letters from parents to include 'when you are 18 and we meet again....' type stuff.

Letter from birth mum included a few 'wonderful future together' type references.

Putting aside the heart crushing 'she thinks I am babysitting' element (because that is about me not the girls) how would you couch the tone to your children?

OP posts:
Tangerineandturquoise · 22/07/2015 09:20

I have a feeling, and I could be wrong that Offredalba has been on this thread as a different username .

MyPreciousRing · 22/07/2015 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kewcumber · 22/07/2015 09:47

I'm sorry you feel like that Offredalba.

WereJamming · 22/07/2015 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StaceyAndTracey · 22/07/2015 10:44

Some people seem confused about the difference between

" I was hounded out " and " someone disagreed with me " .

And I love the arrogance of someone popping in to say

" right YOU LOT , I am here to tell you what is wrong with you personally , your family and your boards and YOU LOT need to sort it out " .

We need an adoption version of that " lo, a man has come to share his manly views "

And BTW, since most of us are over the age of 12, we are not impressed by

" you can't disagree with me because I have a Personal Tragedy and do Good Works in my real life " or

" I must be right because I've had lots of PM and other secret communications I can't tell you about which all say I'm right and you're wrong "

I am particularly amused by the

" here is my opinion, I won't be responding to any follow up posts as I want to have The Last Word " < misses point of discussion board >

StaceyAndTracey · 22/07/2015 10:50

This one

Letterbox
Daisiemoo · 22/07/2015 11:22

Oh wow! All I can say is it's taken me 2 days to read this thread .

StaceyAndTracey · 22/07/2015 11:25

Wine daisie ?

JamHoneyMarmite · 22/07/2015 12:22

I hid this car crash for a bit, and then had to peek at the wreckage again. Thanks Stacey, after all the pain and mess and outrageous insults with toddler foot-stamping on here, amazingly you made me properly snort Brew

FlamingPie · 22/07/2015 12:23

Agree with WereJamming - if you think a poster has over stepped the talk guidelines then report it. I have zero interest in hearing the "feedback" from one or two posters who are apparently speaking for the masses and demanding an entire group sort themselves out - arrogant much? Lots of birth families and adopters seem perfectly happy to come here over the years and get on just fine. No doubt others find its not for them and go elsewhere - that's life! I have parts of MN that I also avoid as I find I can't rub along with some of the views / posters/ culture.
MrsF was offered a viewpoint that she robustly ignored as is her right. Stacey offered a viewpoint (heavily using the posters own post to explain her thoughts) as is her right. The posters can respond, ignore, report as they see fit - adults after all. You can even post patronising bollocks about pearl clutching and look - we all have the right to read, respond, report or just laugh loudly at the said total bollocks.
One other thing - I don't need anyone to tell me how I should feel about my child's birth family. My feelings are mine and I deal with them as I see fit for me and my family. You can go round the world doing good deeds with birth families all you like - I couldn't give a shiny shit.

JaneDonne · 22/07/2015 12:42

This thread just keeps on giving doesn't it?

WereJamming · 22/07/2015 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StaceyAndTracey · 22/07/2015 17:28

Grin at jane and were jamming

StaceyAndTracey · 22/07/2015 17:31

And jam I mean . Phone can't cope with jam and jamming

Daisiemoo · 22/07/2015 18:20

Think I might re read the thread whilst drinking wine Stacey !

WereJamming · 22/07/2015 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Machin · 23/07/2015 06:36

I have a feeling, and I could be wrong that Offredalba has been on this thread as a different username

If you suspect sock-puppetry, why don't you report it instead of smearing posters on-thread (troll hunting?)

I think OffredAlba has a point. I'm sure (I know) that many lurkers are dissuaded from posting in this forum, despite having issues surrounding adoption that they need or want to discuss.

Maybe it should at least be renamed "adopters" or similar, as per the split forum suggestion.

Prospective adopters and birth families could really benefit from a separate, more welcoming, more inclusive, less dismissive, less 'club' environment to talk in.

StaceyAndTracey · 23/07/2015 07:11

If you're not happy, why don't you start you own thread , that will be " more welcoming and inclusive " for " prospective adopters and birth families " ?

I see that adoptees not welcome.......

StaceyAndTracey · 23/07/2015 07:22

And I also see, machin, that despite your interest and concern for " prospective adopters and birth families" , you have contributed to precisely one other thread on this entire board .

While the people you rudely dismiss as a " club", spend hours of their time over years , answering questions , sharing experiences and supporting birth families , adoptees , adopters and prospective adopters.

Which suggests to me that you are more interested in starting a fight than in helping anyone

Other discussions boards are available BTW

MaggieJoyBlunt · 23/07/2015 07:29

I see that adoptees not welcome.......

I'd suggest everyone should be welcome. They should be welcome here, but clearly many people are uncomfortable.

And I also see, machin, that despite your interest and concern for " prospective adopters and birth families" , you have contributed to precisely one other thread on this entire board

Precisely my point. I don't post here. I'm telling you why.

You are being dismissive in response.

StaceyAndTracey · 23/07/2015 07:46

No I'm not being dismissive, I'm disagreeing with you . It's not the same thing .

You are perfectly entitled to your opinion, and I'm perfectly entitled to not agree with it

Others mumsnetters are entitled to post here in whatever way they want , as long as they follow the guidelines. They don't have to do it the way you want either . Last time I checked you weren't Carrie or Justine

notanotherword · 23/07/2015 08:13

Stacey and others Does it bother you at all that many people don't feel welcome or able to post as a result of the dynamics on the board? Do you think that doesn't matter because there's such a warm supportive group already benefiting from this board? Or do you think they ought to feel able to get involved and are just being silly so therefore not your problem?

If I was part of a group that a number of others complained about finding exclusive, dismissive to other perspectives etc., I would at the very least accept that they might well be right.

Please explain.

StaceyAndTracey · 23/07/2015 08:25

No one said anyone was silly . That's your word not mine

I accept that you are completely right - some people don't like it here . Others do . I'm not sure what else you want .

Do you want " some people " [ undefined ] to change the whole board ( or is it the whole of Mumsnet ? ) in some way [ undefined ] to make some people [ defined as some prospective adopters and birth families ] who don't use the board right now, willing to do so?

So I say " yes you are rights, we are all wrong . Come and sort us out . Join in and make Mumsnet the way you want it to be "

And I get the answer " no I don't want to post here because I don't like it "

< bangs head on desk >

StaceyAndTracey · 23/07/2015 08:27

And , not another word, I see that you are new to both this board and to Mumsnet .

To quote your own words " please explain "

Velvet1973 · 23/07/2015 08:45

I can't help but think that this thread may have put others off posting because of the tone it has taken, which I have to say in my opinion, has come about by the bullish behaviour of non regular users coming on and posting trying to incite argument.
There will always be differences of opinions but when posters come onto a thread where adopters see things differently from that poster because of how different their experiences are and continue not to listen as to why they disagree but insist they are right and everyone else is wrong, I'm not sure what other direction the thread could take.
I'm a relatively new poster to the adoption threads and a new adopter and I have to say I've had so much invaluable information by being a "part" of this forum and not just dipping into 1-2 threads where I think there will be strong differences of opinion. I would also say I'm a grown up and would like to think I can see past one thread on an entire forum where 1-2 non regular posters have become heavily involved and it's ended up like this.
There are hundreds of other threads on here which show how supportive we are of those genuinely interested in joining in. There are birth parents on here, adopters and adoptees who use the forum regularly because they do get that support.
I liken it to a complete stranger walking into my house and telling me how I should have my furniture, do my cleaning etc because it's all wrong. They may have an opinion but if they're not prepared to listen to others in that environment as to why they see things differently the result is this.