SS accidentally shared my address with Birth mother -help!

[YouAreMyRain]

Just had a call from SS PAS wanting to arrange an urgent meeting with me on Monday, involving a manager they wouldn't tell me what it was about. I had to keep pestering them to tell me, apparently there has been a "breech of confidentiality" by an area SW and my address was accidentally given to BM back in April! Fucking April!

BM has drug/alcohol issues and has been jailed for violence and robbery etc and when we met her years ago ALL the SWs in the office were terrified of her and dreaded her coming to the office.

Fuck.

With regard to the contemporaneous notes - keeping a copy of this thread would be useful too as it's contemporaneous from just after you had the call and then followed up as and when you had updates...

Good luck again - I wish I couldn't believe that they were trying so hard to fob you off with no need to bother complaining. But given that it's their backsides on the firing line over such a big fuck up I suspect that they are hoping that you don't realise this and that you will just walk away from the matter... Unluckily for them - you have the might of MN behind you to help keeping you pointed in the right direction for advice relevant to getting a complaint issued!

Don't rely on voicemails to register your complaint. Put it all in writing and follow the council's complaints policy to the letter - it should be on their website.

I'm horrified that this is happening to you.
Can I just add, definitely complain in writing but send recorded delivery or deliver in person & ask for a recipt to be signed. You don't want them claim not to of received things.

So what happend with the lawyer

Had the meeting with the solicitor today. I was hoping I would feel a bit less stressed but I actually feel more stressed now.

Basically I feel responsible for making a huge decision over wether to uproot us all or not. DD1's MH is not great atm, the timing is very bad for her for a move but equally the timing will always be bad for unexpected contact from BM.

Do I uproot us all and deal with the inevitable shit storm, or stay here in fear and hope we never hear anything from her? (and risk an emergency future move if we do).

It just feels massive. SS are not going to wave a magic wand and instantly produce a new ideal house for us in an ideal area. If they did it might be easier. But we would still have to deal with the emotional side/new school etc.

What is more likely is that we fight SS for months to eventually get a pitiful payment that covers our moving costs and not much more. End up in an ok house in an ok area and have to deal with emotional side and new school etc

Or we stay here with uncertainties and fear/anxiety.

Sorry for the ramble can't think straight

So sorry that they're not taking responsibility for what they've done to you & your family.
No idea if this is possible, but would you be able to get a restraining order against the BM to prevent her coming within X miles of you? It might buy you a bit of reassurance & time to make whatever decision is right for you all. I guess then if she did try & make contact it would be more official & the police would act?

True. In some ways any risk is too much.

In the meeting on mon, one SW had a copy of an internal email which I asked to photocopy as they were leaving. When I read it, after they had gone, it said that BM told the SWs that she had memorised our address and might turn up. Yet they sat there repeatedly telling me that she wouldn't remember the info and wasn't likely to turn up.

Youarmyrain- have you contacted BAAF?
I have sent you a PM with a contact there.
It strikes me that the one thing you need which they have not offered, is someone to support and handhold you through this. I wonder if BAAF would be able to provide this for you.

Sorry, but I would uproot. If you stay, SS can justify their actions, saying you didn't think it was serious either or you'd have moved.

If they get that each time they do this, they have to pay for people to move house, it might be the financial incentive they need to act on this.

Adoption uk gave me the children's legal centre contact who told me to go on the law society website and find a solicitor.

Baaf told me to contact adoption uk.

Not very helpful.

These organisations keep saying "SS have fucked up, they need to safeguard you all and support you emotionally and psychologically and rehouse you etc" but how do I get that done? The solicitor I saw thinks any payout will be small.

If I was guaranteed a payout that would cover a "family futures" assessment and input in the future (which I think DD1 might need anyway even without all this) I would feel able to plan to meet her needs.

As it is, her needs are really high, it has taken us two years (post attempted suicide at the age of 6) to fight for this current psychotherapy and I am not confident that the system is adequate to support us as she grows even with the status quo.

If I could see a safety net it would be so much easier. Living here now is a nightmare but the implications of moving are really scary.

My daughter struggles with change, so I can absolutely understand why moving is a scary prospect.

I have to say though...On balance, I think I would still consider moving.

some background

previous thread from last summer

more recent thread

I know deep down that I need to move but I'm really scared of the stress and upheaval. I know that once its done, its done iyswim. I feel sick.