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Original poster

SS accidentally shared my address with Birth mother -help!

90 replies

YouAreMyRain · 02/07/2014 17:16

Just had a call from SS PAS wanting to arrange an urgent meeting with me on Monday, involving a manager they wouldn't tell me what it was about. I had to keep pestering them to tell me, apparently there has been a "breech of confidentiality" by an area SW and my address was accidentally given to BM back in April! Fucking April!

BM has drug/alcohol issues and has been jailed for violence and robbery etc and when we met her years ago ALL the SWs in the office were terrified of her and dreaded her coming to the office.

Fuck.

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Original poster
YouAreMyRain · 02/07/2014 21:46

They won't tell me any more until the meeting on Monday so no idea exactly what was shared, I think it was my name and address and DD2's new surname (which sadly is an unusual one, there are 500 pupils at their school and they are the only ones with that surname, I've never met anyone with that surname who isn't related)

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Original poster
YouAreMyRain · 02/07/2014 21:47

I'm on Rightmove now looking at rented properties Sad

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HappySunflower · 02/07/2014 21:50

So sorry that this has happened to you. :(

Can your ex husband and solicitor be available over the next few days?
I would be putting pressure on SS and insisting upon a meeting ASAP. It is just not fair to leave you in this position, waiting for answers for another five days.

excitedmamma · 02/07/2014 22:23

Wow... I'd be livid and terrified... sorry you are having to go through this YouareMyRain....

We had a similar situation whilst fostering... but at least we knew about it straight away... thankfully nothing happened for us

I think you have a good plan so far and need to pull in as much support as possible... definately talk to the school ASAP.

Angry for you...

TheMightyMing · 02/07/2014 22:27

Surely this is a DPA breach of the highest order!!! I'd be speaking to the ICo and going legal.

MyFeetAreCold · 02/07/2014 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
YouAreMyRain · 02/07/2014 23:05

What's ICo?

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notapizzaeater · 02/07/2014 23:13

Information commissioner ?

pissedglitter · 02/07/2014 23:19

Monday is too far away, I would call and demand an appointment much sooner

Sorry this has happened to you

GiantIsopod · 03/07/2014 00:05

That is terrifying. I have nothing useful which hasn't already been said, but that is shocking. Monday does not appear to be an urgent appointment Hmm

craftysewer · 03/07/2014 00:20

I have never known anyone that has adopted but reading your post it seems you have been treated appallingly. I certainly think you should insist on an appointment for no later than the end of this week and I would also be considering reporting this. Why on earth would SS give the birth mother a photo of you? If she is allowed anything, surely it would only be images of the children?

OurMiracle1106 · 03/07/2014 03:21

I so wish I was your child's birth mum as even if I knew where my son was I wouldnt go there or stalk them as it's only unsettling our child and making his life harder. Having said that if he was placed significantly close enough that I might accidentally bump into him I would be inclined to ask to move away so that I could at least try to prevent that from happening.

As a birth mum social services also done similar to me, in that they revealed my address which had been made confidential by the court to my violent ex who had threatened to kill me and also stabbed me. Fortunately, since i have moved but it did lead me to question whether I was safe to give them my new address or whether I should use my solicitors as a care of address to protect myself.

FamiliesShareGerms · 03/07/2014 06:57

Oh this is awful. Ring and demand an earlier meeting - today if you can get your lawyer and ex there, if not, tomorrow.

Original poster
YouAreMyRain · 03/07/2014 10:04

Ourmiracle I have read your posts before you sound so lovely and really considerate about your sons needs and feelings. I wish my DDs BM was able to think like you x

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SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 03/07/2014 10:23

I am so sorry (and also angry) that this has happened Sad.

I am very glad to hear that the Police have taken it seriously & will be keeping a look out.

With regards to the taxi stopping - did you think that seemed a little odd/suspicious before finding out about this? It does seem to be a huge coincidence, although it may be a good thing that she has not yet approached you (if it is her).

Would you recognise the BM if you saw her again do you think?

I have not adopted myself, but two of my siblings have adopted DCs (separately with their DPs - not together Smile) and I can well imagine how they would feel about this. It is an absolutely awful breach of confidentiality which has compromised the safety of yourself and your DDs - someone should be giving you some serious answers before Monday IMO.

Flowers
Italiangreyhound · 03/07/2014 11:56

Oh Miracle how awful for you.

Thinking of you Rain.

TheMightyMing · 03/07/2014 12:54

Yes the information commissioner - this needs to be dealt with at the highest level to prevent it happening again.
I think I would be finding out exactly has been shared. I would also be considering having someone present to take notes - in fact you should take a solicitor and insist in advance that they foot the bill.

Original poster
YouAreMyRain · 03/07/2014 14:18

So far today I have spoken to the school, spoken to the neighbours, spoken to adoption uk (and taken DD2 for a FAS assessment appointment!) I am still trying to get through to the children's legal centre number that adoption uk gave me.

I am considering getting CCTV and alarm fitted ASAP at SS expense.

Yes, I did think the car/taxi stuff was suspicious at the time but I though my (now ex)H had hired a private detective as part of the divorce. We ended up settling out of court quite amicably so very much doubt it was him.

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Original poster
YouAreMyRain · 03/07/2014 22:21

I have spoken to the children's legal centre and they were brilliant. I can highly recommend. Now for an early night and hopefully some sleep tonight.

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HappySunflower · 03/07/2014 22:23

That's a lot to have achieved in one day- you must feel somewhat drained from it all
Thanks

MerryInthechelseahotel · 03/07/2014 23:02

youaremyrain this is shocking! I wish you all the best for sorting it all out! Sw gave my address once to a mum (who was considered dangerous) of a foster child so I can empathise with you. I didn't relax for months and months, in fact until the child moved on to adoption. I know it's different but I can imagine how horrendous it will be for you. Thanks

Devora · 03/07/2014 23:26

Oh my word, this is scary. I'm so sorry this is happening to you, Rain.

Original poster
YouAreMyRain · 04/07/2014 00:32

I feel strangely detached, like it's happening to someone else. The impact of this on my family will be huge. DD1 is very troubled (Camhs/anxiety/struggles with reality/poss ASD) and on top of the recent false allegation she made against DP, I'm not sure how we will get through this. It just feels like too much.

I know I can't stay here. I have fought so hard to keep this house through my recent divorce because above everything else I just wanted security for my DC. Now SS are giving me no choice but to unsettle and disrupt them again.

I had an operation last week as well. Still feeling very tired and sore. Can't sleep.

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HappySunflower · 04/07/2014 13:00

Have you heard any more from SS?
You are probably still in shock that a thing like this could happen. The knock on effect to your life is just so unfair.
If the same thing happened to us, I know that I would want to move to. I would have to, I would be forever looking out of my window.

adoptmama · 05/07/2014 06:25

So sorry this has happened. I too would not feel safe at home and would look to move and I understand how unsettingling and stressful that is. Especially at a time when you want your focus to be on your DCs. Hope the assessment went well - you've got a lot of 'normal' stuff going on, on top of what the SS have done to you.

I'd certainly be suggesting to SS that not only do they foot the entire cost of your move - rental deposit, movers, packers etc but that they also foot the bill to have you housed elsewhere in the meantime. Not some nasty little emergency B&B but a proper family hotel in a nice location so your kids can simply feel they are having a little summer holiday as school ends.

Good luck on Monday and hope the weekend is not too stressful for you.

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