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Original poster

If a friend asked you to be a surrogate for her?

128 replies

LovingTheRain · 10/05/2009 17:06

What would you do?

OP posts:
SalBySea · 10/05/2009 17:09

say no.

anyway, isnt it something that's usually offered rather than asked?

smallchange · 10/05/2009 17:10

I couldn't as I've not finished my family yet. I'm not sure I could emotionally in any case.

I did think about egg donation when a friend was going down that route. I've always thought that again I couldn't emotionally, but actually if it was someone I knew so that I would be able to see the baby grow up and be cared for, and ds would be able to have a "cousins" relationship with the baby then I could.

theBFG · 10/05/2009 17:10

I would say no.

I think that surrogacy is a very personal thing, and tbh I think it's something that should be offered, not asked. Because by asking you are putting an immense amount of pressure on the person you are asking, not to mention putting pressure on the friendship if the friend said no. iyswim.

TabithaTwitchet · 10/05/2009 17:12

My friend and I have actually discussed this (as a hypothetical scenario). I think that in principle I would want to do it but I don't think I would be able to until I felt my own family was "complete". At present I want to have more children than my husband does, so I don't think I could be a surrogate, and hand over a baby that I want myself. Which probably makes me incredibly selfish...

InsomniacMumontheRun · 10/05/2009 17:17

I agree with theBFG. I think it should be something that is offered and not asked, but then I've never been in the situation where I've needed to ask such a big 'favour' and I suspect not many would be discussing such a personal issue like needing a surrogate openly enough for a close friend to offer IYSWIM.

On the otherhand, if it were a very close family member that asked me, brother or sister for instance, then if I were able then I probably would consider it.

Such a confusing and emotive issue.

FabulousBakerGirl · 10/05/2009 17:19

Lovingthe rain - have you been asked or do you want to ask?

I wouldn't do it. Too risky medically for me and I did consider egg donation but DH said no and now I agree tbh. I feel I would be giving away something that is genetically mine, a potential baby.

Itsjustafleshwound · 10/05/2009 17:22

I also think it should be something that is offered ...

It is not just a case of rent-a-womb or offering something going spare - there just seems to be so much at stake and I would be unwilling to put myself through it - pregnancy with my own children was hard enough !

TheFallenMadonna · 10/05/2009 17:33

I wouldn't do it because I hate being pregnant and have complicated births and miscarriages. And I'm old...

I don't know what I would do if that weren't the case.

Disenchanted3 · 10/05/2009 17:36

I always planned on doing this for my SIL, her mother has had several attempts, all failed and MIL is past 45 now.

I don't think I could now after my own 3rd pregnancy, it was very very hard, I'm not sure my body could tolerate it.

My mind is willing though

Geepers · 10/05/2009 17:55

Yep I would, but I have been a surrogate before and am currently pregnant with my third surrogate baby.

Original poster
LovingTheRain · 10/05/2009 17:59

Have got 4 of my own already and would like a few more. SIL is struggling and it was mentioned to me at a family do that maybe i might consider having one for SIL as i already had 4.
I agree with what has been said about not having a complete family yet myself and tbh i don't know if i could hand the baby over. Maybe when my family is complete i'd be more inclined to consider it but until my family is complete i don't feel i could.

OP posts:
Original poster
LovingTheRain · 10/05/2009 18:00

Geepers, were they your eggs? Was it hard handing the baby over?

OP posts:
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 10/05/2009 18:03

I possibly would, but it would be dependent on lots of factors.

I am a newly single mother with two wonderful children. I have no urge for a new committed relationship to a man and no urge for more children.

If I was asked, I'm not sure, but I would consider it. I wouldn't do it using my own eggs though.

justaboutspringtime · 10/05/2009 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

oxocube · 10/05/2009 18:08

Could never carry a baby and give it away so no but would be very happy to donate eggs and not be curious about where they ended up. I think either is a wonderful gift for childless couples. Am sadly probably too old now at 43 to donate even though my family is complete

Geepers · 10/05/2009 18:16

LovingTheRain the first two babies (twins) were not genetically mine, this baby is. It wasn't hard at all after the birth, you have to remember they have two devoted parents who have loved them from the beginning. I love the babies too, but in a niece/nephew way and not like my own children.

FabulousBakerGirl · 10/05/2009 18:21

LTR - would you answer my question please. I am interested in your situation.

Eve4Walle · 10/05/2009 18:23

I have already offered to do this with eggs and sperm from the couple.

We are considering it at the moment.

Flamesparrow · 10/05/2009 18:25

I've discovered I would have to say no.

I always said I would seriously consider being a surrogate (for my sister, prob not a friend), but my sanity is hanging by a thread this pregnancy, I couldn't put my family through this again for anyone.

Original poster
LovingTheRain · 10/05/2009 18:36

I thought i had FabulousBakerGirl! Did you post again and i missed it? I replied to your question about 5 posts down from when you asked.

SIL is struggling to get pregnant and it was mentioned to me that maybe i could be a surrogate for her. She hasn't asked me herself and i doubt she's even considered it as they haven't even looked into IVF yet. It was just a very 'helpful' family member that thought i mught have one for her!

SIL is also a very good friend of mine and a lovely Aunty to my DCs.

OP posts:
Original poster
LovingTheRain · 10/05/2009 18:39

I didn't specify in the title details of my particular situation as just wanted people's general views on it

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TrinityIsLovingHerLittleRhino · 10/05/2009 18:41

I couldn't do it even for my sister

makes me feel bad but I just could not cope with it

TsarChasm · 10/05/2009 18:43

I could never do this.

What if the child knocked on your door years from now having had an awful life after all with the adopted parents, asking where you were when they needed you.

I couldn't live with that. I feel that applies to egg donation too.

Also, could you keep quiet and distanced if you see them parenting in a way that strongly upsets you? I couldn't; not with that bond.

lljkk · 10/05/2009 18:44

I couldn't do it, maybe for my daughter, something like that. No one else.
I could donate my eggs, without hesitation, though. I even offered to donate eggs to my cousin after she had 2 failed bouts of 35. But she wouldn't have me as I am the wrong side of 35 .

Original poster
LovingTheRain · 10/05/2009 18:45

TsarChasm i hadn't thought of that but you're totally 100% right. I couldn't bare to see them parented in a way i didn't agree with.

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