Teenager`s depression is ruining my life

[sincerestwonders]

I`ve been quite upset lately regarding my oldest child. Noticed upsetting and depressive behaviour in teenage girl, aged 17 (17y 9mth):

1. says she is lonely all the time, she is actually quite social and extroverted,she actually has no friends or peers her own age. She is home educated and we live in a very small town where the other residents and what peers her own age there are (of which there arent many as most of the towns residents are middle aged commuters) tend to ignore her/leave her out. Theres also a dire lack of social spaces in our local area for youths- most kid or retiree orientated.

2)says she is ugly, apparently we cant get braces/teeth fixed on NHS (too late to join waiting list), cannot afford private. Noticed she has been eating noticeably less food (observed her cutting all food into quarters, now only eats three quarters of what I serve her, drinking large amount of water). Shes 5ft 4, 75kg and wears size 12/14 clothes.

3)has no idea what to do post 18. The idea was to send her to college next year, but she expresses just a generic (apprenticeship) or low payed retail jobs. Definitely doesnt want to go to university, going to be difficult with 1 gcse, even though she is doing english and maths functional skill level 1 this year. I told her to do freelance part time like me but hasnt favoured this.

Personally I think she has depression. I was considering talking therapy, is this the best option?

The previous thread mentioned Hills Road College, so OP presumably lives in Cambridge. Get over to Cambridge Regional College and see how they can help. They support functional maths and English and have lots of vocational options. They also have transport from lots of villages around Cambridge.

This is what my siblings Mum wanted, she wanted 3 children, she got them then left my Dad and has made sure she’s kept all 3 dependent on her.

She won’t let my 19 year old sister have her PIP money because she pays bills with it, she drives around in my sisters motability car and tells her that she can’t have it otherwise she’ll have to move out.

18 year old is the only one who kind of rebelled against it but has gone completely the other way and is always out drinking and doing drugs and partying. I can only hope in time she makes a life for herself.

17 year old has ADHD and plays violent video games 21 hours a day. Sleeps for 3. His money also goes to her and she’s told him, if he wants his money he’ll have to move out too.

She has them over a barrel, none of them have any life skills to live on their own, no qualifications, no education. The eldest is riddled with anxiety to the point she believes drs are poisoning us with antidepressants and anti anxiety meds yet won’t attend any kind of therapy because she’s scared to leave her bedroom.

Such a sad post. Hope it isn't true. If it is you have massively failed to set her up for her future. To be nearly 18 without any usable GCSE results and still you think you can carry on with the home ed is shocking. You cant do it, she needs to be at a college which can support her forward and mixing with people her own age.

She can decide what she wants to do for herself on the next step at 18, hope she realises you have no control from then on and finds her own way. Uni ain't for everyone and definitely not for someone with 1 GCSE who has had poor education since 8 years old. Did you really even want her to do this? It doesn't sound like your goal was to set her up to launch at all. More like be dependent on you for as long as possible. You say you want her to do freelance part time like you, freelance in what? She has no skills. Let her choose her own path and support her choices.

Only eating 3 quarters of your food sounds like a sensible choice if your portion sizes are too big that she has been putting on weight. Leaving 1 quarter of it sounds like a good way to loose weight while still eating a balanced diet of home cooked food

@jamdodger3 the situation with your siblings is so sad, such a waste of 3 lives.

In my field i occasionally work with clients who have children simply because they are desperate to love, and to be loved. Its easy to see how that could extend to a need to be needed.