Teenager`s depression is ruining my life

[sincerestwonders]

I`ve been quite upset lately regarding my oldest child. Noticed upsetting and depressive behaviour in teenage girl, aged 17 (17y 9mth):

1. says she is lonely all the time, she is actually quite social and extroverted,she actually has no friends or peers her own age. She is home educated and we live in a very small town where the other residents and what peers her own age there are (of which there arent many as most of the towns residents are middle aged commuters) tend to ignore her/leave her out. Theres also a dire lack of social spaces in our local area for youths- most kid or retiree orientated.

2)says she is ugly, apparently we cant get braces/teeth fixed on NHS (too late to join waiting list), cannot afford private. Noticed she has been eating noticeably less food (observed her cutting all food into quarters, now only eats three quarters of what I serve her, drinking large amount of water). Shes 5ft 4, 75kg and wears size 12/14 clothes.

3)has no idea what to do post 18. The idea was to send her to college next year, but she expresses just a generic (apprenticeship) or low payed retail jobs. Definitely doesnt want to go to university, going to be difficult with 1 gcse, even though she is doing english and maths functional skill level 1 this year. I told her to do freelance part time like me but hasnt favoured this.

Personally I think she has depression. I was considering talking therapy, is this the best option?

I remember you from your previous posts. Have you done anything that was suggested since you posted then?

I read all your responses on your last thread OP and you really do sound like one of these people who is just dissatisfied with everything in life.

now your dissatisfied with your poor dd because the choices you forced on her have led to her becoming depressed.

look into college for her and encourage her to get a part time job somewhere that lots of other young people work. Stop smothering her and stunting her growth. We do not own our children, they are people in their own right, let her live or you will not have a relationship with her as an adult.

Help needed all round here.

Please support your daughter to get in at a college ASAP. At nearly 18, time really is of the essence - she deserves so much more than this.

The other thread says she has 2 GCSE’s, this one says 1 GCSE

This is abuse.
I also don't know what you're doing at home all day with her if youre neither homeschooling her enough to pass qualifications, nor attending the dentist.

apparently we cant get braces/teeth fixed on NHS (too late to join waiting list)
Surely if she needed braces this would have been previously flagged by your dentist years ago at one of her regular check ups? Both my kids were put on the waiting list for orthodontic treatment when they were 10 as our dentist could predict at that point they would likely need it (he was correct, and they both got braces at 12).
I don't understand how this was not raised by your dentist when she was younger - unless she doesn't see a dentist?

I asked in the other thread that got deleted but will try again.

What are the reasons for homeschooling and what qualifications is your dd currently studying for? With 1 or 2 GCSEs an apprenticeship isn’t very realistic - they are highly competitive and most others will have 5 + GCSEs

Why was the need for dental work not identified sooner?

Does she go to any homeschooling groups or any sports clubs, music groups, Scouts / Guides etc? Most young adults her age make friends at school so she will have to try harder as that’s not an option for her.

I would be encouraging her to contact your local careers advisory service for guidance and advice, as she’s way beyond most of her peers so will need to pursue a less typical route to achieve success.

First priority get her down to college on Monday 1st thing. Why wait till after Christmas ? do it now. Don’t put it off, you are wasting her life she needs some serious guidance and proper advice. Don’t let her carry on like this until her twenties.
if she only has 2 gcse she should enroll for a level 1 or 2 full time course with English and math GCSEs or functional alongside it. Unfortunately now you can’t do much without English and math. She needs to be at college full time, that where she will make friends.
If she needed a brace she would have been referred surely? Both my kids were checked when they lost all their milk teeth. One got braces one has grown in to his teeth.

I just re read your post I think you need to serious reality check. How did you even think uni would be an option with 2 gcse

OP does she have any SEN? I just reread your post and you say she is doing functional skills level 1 maths and English which I know is very very basic and I am surprised she has even one GCSE if she is working at this level because you do need a certain level of literacy/numeracy to get a decent GCSE grade.

Poor girl, no wonder she is depressed. You have failed her so badly. Every single thread you start also mentions her exact weight. No wonder she is starting to develop issues with her eating. Oh and the thing about violence by staff in primary schools necessitating you home educating her is nonsense. You took her out of education because you're a narcissist who didn't want your child to have a life of her own. You've managed to get her to achieve two GCSEs and she's nearly 18 so a total utter failure.

Oh, I remember reading that thread but I hadn’t put the two together. If you really do care for your daughter and her future I’d really suggest reaching out try and get some help for her and your family. It all seems very sad to me. I wonder what your childhood was like?

Jesus christ shes back again.

Oh is this the op who was posting about her dd and DofE quite a while back? She had more than one thread about that, some quite unrealistic expectations, and wouldn't be told.

Is she likely to pass her English and Maths level one this year? If she is, the first step would be to apply to local colleges to re-take her English and Maths GCSEs next year. If she is not, then she needs to be attempting a re-take of level one. In doing this, she will likely meet others who struggle academically or for whom school was not great, which will hopefully help her to form friendships and not feel so alone. She could also do with either a qualification in retail, possibly an apprenticeship, or just a part-time job in the field to get her some experience.

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time.

It seems that one of the downsides of homeschooling is lack of opportunity to make friends. Can she get a job where she might meet some people (McDonalds etc?)

I wouldn’t worry about her eating 75% of the food, it’s potentially quite a good thing. She is far from being underweight (I’m 5.4 and weigh 55kg, weighed even less at her age but still healthy.)

For the teeth - what about a loan? I do think nowadays there’s more onus on having good teeth than there used to be.

I was depressed at that age - it’s really tough. I did get through it with the support of my parents. They were very loving and kind. I got sent to stay with other family for a week to give me a break, is that an option? It might help you as well.

I feel so very sorry for the young woman in this. It's so obvious to most of us what the issues are but OP posts over and over again and nothing changes.

You really need to be helping her get out there and making a life @sincerestwonders and as well as everything else, I don't know why she couldn't be on the waiting list for NHS braces etc. It seems to have badly affected her confidence and should have been a priority (like basic English and Maths, if she was able to get a 9 in another language whe should have been able to do English at least)

Good lord, I’ve just read the previous thread.

Poor girl, youve completely fucked up her childhood.

The best thing you could do for her is help her get into
a college away from home.

She needs to get into college and try to catch up. She’s very behind. You’ve really damaged her and her childhood and it’s now virtually too late. She’s needs to get away from you.

Please, please send her to college. She can retake her GCSEs (some local colleges will offer this and she will get access to learning the subject properly and preparing for exams). Even if her pathway is delayed, it really doesn’t matter.
Get her on a pathway. Go visit your local colleges.

College will have a support team (usually there’s a CAMHS therapist who works with the college) who your daughter can lean on for support, whether or not she has diagnosed SEN. College support for students is usually very good and accessible.
Please give your DD a fair chance at education and socialisation outside of the home. I say this as the mother of a 16 year old whose secondary education has not been straightforward. She is now on a much firmer, happier, healthier trajectory. She’s in college and thriving. Yes, it’s a struggle and she’s likely neurodivergent but the fact that she has a chance to try and become ‘more’ has helped her embrace her self worth, and along with this, all of life’s possibilities.

Please don’t shrink your daughter’s world. It’s ok if she needs her world to be a bit small (sometimes small feels safe), but there’s a difference between having a smaller, peaceful existence and a shrunken one, where all dreams and ambitions vanish.

Let her find her identity and possibilities.
Let her live.
Oh and get on a payment plan and get the braces!

I am a lone parent working minimum wage, OP. I understand how expensive braces are. I went private for DD’s braces. Where there’s a will there’s a way. Honestly, try and make that happen. DD’s plan was £200 per month in London. That’s a lot, I know, but explore your options. Do this for her.

Last time you posted she had two GCSEs, did she lose one down the back of the sofa?

I just knew you were going to be the DofE mum.

You've failed your daughter on so many counts and seem to have little grip on the real world. You thought she could do some freelance work... doing what?! Graduates with actual education and life skills cant get jobs currently, what have you set your daughter up with to offer an employer?

This cannot be real

You again.

This is why homeschooling should be banned (unless there is SEN and everything else has been tried first and even then it should be very closely monitored).