My Dad remarried and had 3 children now aged 19, 18 and 17.
Once she had the 3 children she wanted, she divorced him.
His ex wife sounds just like you OP.
She stopped all 3 kids going to school at 7, 8 and 9 and were “homeschooled”. To cut a long story short, my 19 year old sibling spends 23 hours a day in her room, has no friends other than ones she talks to on internet, she starves herself then binges for months then starves herself then repeat, she’s aggressive, has depression and anxiety but is too anxious to take ANY medication because she is convinced drs are trying to poison us. She has 0 GCSE’s. She can’t drive because her Mum keeps all of her PIP money to pay bills.
My 18 year old sibling just goes out drinking and doing drugs all the time, also no GCSE’s, started a hairdressing course but didn’t like being told what to do so quit.
My 17 year old sibling with ADHD regularly rips doors off the hinges, puts holes through their walls, stays in playing violent video games 24/7, also has no friends apart from online.
I’ll just add that my Dad spent his life savings on court for 5 years to try and get custody of them until two of them was convinced to lie and say that my Dad was violent towards their Mother on a regular basis (not true).
None of them can handle real life, none of them have true friends, none of them have jobs. They’ll be living with their Mother for life because of the damage she has done.
My Dad is broken because of it, all these years later, still. He is remarried and has been for 10 years. I can’t even count the number of times they’ve come down to stay for weekends and caused some huge drama, one time they lied and called their mum to pick them up and said my dad held a knife to the middle one’s throat in the kitchen. Luckily, what they didn’t know is that there is a camera in the kitchen as a pet cam for the dog when they pop out for a couple of hours, which showed them playing around with knives and my Dad was fast asleep next to his wife.
Yet, he still tries with them because they are his kids.
It’s sad to see/hear/read about parents who don’t do everything in their power to ensure their kids are educated, brought up without inflicting anxiety and trauma.
All I know is that my 2 children can be anything they want to be, they will always be told and encouraged by me and their Dad, my DH, that you can do anything you put your mind to. SCHOOL is hard, SOCIALISING can be hard, LIFE can be hard but what good are we doing by removing any and all stress from them? They won’t grow into adults who know how to function. It’s sad, really sad.