Things you learned about life from MN

[VoltaireMittyDream]

I grew up before the internet and reality TV, so all you could know about people came from fiction, and the world around you.

I never knew any cocklodgers growing up.

All the men (and most of the women) I knew were uptight, tortured workaholics - which wasn’t great either, and the men still demanded a disproportionate amount of emotional and administrative and domestic support from their female partners.

But until I joined MN I had no idea how many men out there take no pride in a work ethic or professional identity, and feel no responsibility to pay their own way. And it is SO common on here - across class and education levels and cultures and nationalities. All these freeloading men! I never knew!

I also had no idea how much variation there was in couples’ approaches to money. Long-married couples with strictly separate finances who insist on being paid half for a pint of milk. Families where all child related costs come out of the mother’s earnings & the father’s money is all his own. Couples where it’s totally normal to talk about money, and couples where it’s completely taboo.

And sex! I’m in awe of the people who have sex every day even when their fastidiousness requires them to cover the bed in special sex towels beforehand and boil wash the sheets immediately afterwards and hose themselves down with disinfectant before and after.

I also had no idea how all-consuming elder care was until my own experience brought me to the Elderly Parents board, and I discovered a whole massive parallel universe of ageing parents whose ‘independence’ comes at vast emotional, professional, and financial expense to their daughters.

What other different realities have people had their eyes opened to on here?

where do you live? 1952? This is bizarre to me. I would say most of the men I know do a very similar amount of housework to the women, albeit jobs are sometimes divided rather than both doing an equal amount of each.

I think it does depend what your example was growing up though. My dad was always doing housework and so me and my sisters have all married partners who contribute a lot. OTOH perhaps women who grew up seeing their mum do it all think fuck that for a game of soldiers and go the other way.

Even with my friends with the least useful male partners I don't know any that doesn't do any of those things though.

I learned that altough I already knew we all parent differently , some parents really are better than others and imo not everyone actually loves their children the same way .

that it's wise to evaluate the tread

Apparently people are expected to carry them downstairs to the kitchen bin. I find it baffling. Just put a bin in the bathroom!

I love this. I agree. I’m constantly amused and baffled by rich london parents, seen lots of precious new born threads, laughed at the weirder ones but also witnessed an absolute ton of advice and suppprt

I’m sure they do. But why would they be spending their time watching videos of people pronouncing things in different accents?

I’ve lived in London and the SE for most of my adult life. Most couples I know are 40-55, British born, left-leaning, and work in tech, HE or arts & media. There’s no overt belief that women should do all the shitwork, it’s just that for all their progressive posturing, the men do fuck all around the house, even when their partners have hugely demanding full time jobs. Sometimes they might cook if it’s a particular hobby of theirs, but that’s about it.

Sadly I have learnt that the World will not be a great place for my disabled son when I die as people resent disability and their taxes being spent on them - I think that one poster resented my son going to the cinema with his PA

I learn that people who earned about £50,000 per annum believed that they were paying for disabled people when they were barely covering their own gov costs

I learnt that there is huge resentment to wealth but also huge amounts of wealth on mumsnet

I learnt that there is still a class system and elitism

I learnt that some people have desperate lives and ended up with terrible partners or could
see all the signs and still allowed an unsuitable man to move in

@lljkk me too! I'd never heard that people slept without pants. Just hadn't occurred to me. I've never ever slept without pants except after gynae surgery 😂

Quite & of course I am aware of different accents (2nd gen immigrant) but it was the comment that it blows my mind people don’t pronounce the er that confused me. Yet I am the one accused of not hearing different accents 😆

@Gwenhwyfararound 40? I definitely don’t see that, so many reference being born in the 60s & 70s

We don’t have bins in either of our bathrooms. Why? It just never occurred to me. I just carry any bits out with me to the nearest bin when I leave. It is a while ago, but I wouldn’t have left used sanitary protection in the bin for someone else to smell or dispose of.

That domestic abuse is depressingly common.

That people would rather be friends with their children than parent them properly and teach them what they need to become functioning adults and members of society. TBF, this is evident in real life, you don't need to read it here.

A lot of people do sweat the small stuff and really shouldn't.

That’s really heartwarming. As a sen mum, thank you.

Conception board led me here. I learned so much about conception! Then with parenting I felt support especially with cosleeping and I realised how common it truly was. Support realising my child really did have sen. So lots of good things!

Agree with the terrible men and if a man doesn’t physically abuse his children the thread will always start with “he’s a good father but…”

I didnt realise people wore pants in bed! I was taught from a young age to never wear pants with pjs.

I never wear them in bed. I wear a nightie, not pyjamas.

Never! It’s not healthy to sleep with pants.

But why, why is it not healthy to sleep in pants?!

Huh? Why is it unhealthy?! It's a piece of cotton 🤔

I've learnt:

That there is a wider variety of outlook and experience than I could have imagined -in pretty much every area of life. I find this endlessly fascinating.

That so many women live sad, unfulfilled lives behind closed doors, on eggshells or in abject fear of the men in their homes, trapped by shame, finances, threats, weaponised mental health and a culture of silence. Learning about the architecture of men's violence and benefiting both directly and indirectly from MN advice initially helped me feel less alone and subsequently to exit a problematic relationship. These days, I try to listen behind the words, both in my social circles and professionally, just in case.

That the perception of what it means to be well off, or comfortably off, is not necessarily aligned with my experience.

That the harms of gender ideology were not simply private misgivings when my family were initially affected more than a decade ago, and I began to see its impact in my professional life; FWR has been an incredible resource and source of support.

That 'the plane will take off anyway' and 'when China and India stop x and y...' sums up a mindset which essentially makes it OK for individuals to justify making decisions which are not in the best interest of the climate or planet.

To listen and pay attention to seemingly arbitrary advice and shared experience from women older than me, about the aging process -I've found they've been right as I'm edging into perimenopause.

I do though. The world is fascinating.

As a serious question, do you then carry floss, toothpaste tubes, sanitary protection, cotton buds etc around until you get to a bin?

I have learned that some mothers in their 30s and 40s strongly dislike hearing from women around their parents' ages and would prefer them not to be on Mumsnet.
I have also had some invaluable advice about tax and legal issues.

I also learned the carrying thing on here. Made slightly more sense when I found out some people apparently don't pre-separate bathroom bin rubbish and would be going through it for recycling. But frankly even then it's less odd to just put the shampoo bottles straight into the recycling in the first place and not have a norm of people carrying used sanpro around.