Do you assume your dc will go to uni? And will you be disappointed if they don't

[Vegetablespringrolls]

Just wondering as ds1 was adamant he wasn't going to university, then decided he was at the last minute. Ds2 was always planning to go. Dc3 doesn't want to go but he's only in year 11 so plenty of time to decide. Younger 2 probably not able to but you never know.

I've been talking to someone who is assuming their currently primary school aged dc will be going to university. I don't know, it just seems odd to me that you would even think about something that far in advance. I understand saving money for "the future" and we have done that too but university has always been something the dc have chosen or not, it's not something we ever expected them to choose.

My DD just started her degree this year. I never went to University, so no expectations from me.

I'm awfully worried about the amount of debt she'll incur, its an odd humanity degree BUT she loves the subject and its a 'what can you do with a degree in xxxx from xxxx University? Anything you want!" - She has a plan, so we'll see...

I can't help wishing she was a carbon copy of her hugely talented STEM friend, who with 4 A stars & all the 9s turned down Imperial Aeronatical & Cambridge to do a paid apprentiship with degree at top aero company.

Realistically though how many 18/19 year olds have these options? Certainly not my humanity one who'd blow the house up trying to change a lightbulb.

As a poor parent i really wish STEM was her jam.

Yes and yes.

It has never really occurred to me that my son wouldn’t go and it’s something we’ve talked with him about since he was little (4ish). It also something our friends expect of their children.

My parents valued education for the sake of education rather than simply a means to a career. So, I think that probably influenced how I see university for my son.

I never really considered it unless they wanted something very specific. As it happens both my DDs have gone. Eldest has done incredibly well with the starting of a great career and my youngest is close to graduating.
i never expected it, or thought about it too much assuming neither would take that route so I was pleasantly surprised when they did.

i have friends who are disappointed that theirs didn’t go

I do think there is anti-uni vibe at the moment in the UK. The problem is other countries aren't following that trend and I do think we will be left behind. Our cohorts are 80% international now. The Chinese really really value education. In 10, 20 years this will have consequences for the industries that we are currently leaders in and our global reputation for expertise.

Mine are only little, 5 and 1, but I’m actually assuming the opposite, subconsciously it seems. I want them to know they can, and that they really could be anything they wanted to be, but also that it definitely isn’t the be all and end all. I didn’t go to uni, although had a place lined up, health reasons stopped me going, and DH didn’t either. We’re both doing well, and are very happy with our lives, with our own business, so I guess the children will see first hand uni isn’t necessary for everyone.

My DC13 is unsure if he wants to go but so far I can't see how he would manage - he is ADHD and is really struggling with getting organised with doing homework etc, I'm not even sure he would do well working in an office job etc. But he has many other talents (he is very business oriented, intelligent, creative and full of ideas) so I hope somehow we will find a suitable path for him. I'm keeping an open mind. My main goal is for him to find a way to earn a good living and be happy. I have seen so many examples of parents insisting on university degree for their children only for them to be stuck in hated dead end job at 30.

We both worked in higher education so we did expect that path.

DS started off with a paper round at 13. After his A levels he worked at an airport for almost 2 years on a night shift. He just didn’t fancy getting in to debt and he likes working. So he applied for a degree apprenticeship and he got in. He graduated with a 1st class degree last year having worked FT as well as studying. It’s really competitive, more so than getting in to University and more importantly he had a guaranteed job.

DH subject area had a clear career path, the social science dept I worked in never had.

Yes ive always assumed my dc would go to uni. We’ve spoken about it since they were young. Dd has been and got her degree, ds will be going next year. Youngest dd has a few years yet before she even needs to think about it. I assume she will go, but if she decides another path i will support that too. I want my dc to have a good education and career, I have a degree and so does dc’s dads. It seemed natural the dc would too

Im glad I went in the 1980s when a degree still counted for something and grades had not been dumbed down as they are now. AI is taking all the graduate jobs. Better train to be a plumber, an electrician or a plasterer.

This 100%

It's a 'brave' person who a) wants their child less educated than their national peers and b) wants their nation's population less educated than comparable countries.

Mine are 10 and 8. Do I assume they will? Yes. Will I be disappointed if they don’t? No.

I regret we didn’t explore avenues other than university for DS. He graduated with a good degree but since has only worked in non-graduate jobs and is currently looking for work. His student debt is enormous and growing! The jobs market is extremely tough for young people these days 😞

DD19 is at university. It was always right for her. Very academic and has a career plan. DD17 has just dropped out of A levels. She had an awful time at school She has applied for t levels for next year and will go straight into work after that unless things change .University is not on her radar at all .I'm not disappointed- there are so many other avenues and it would be a massive expense to go just for the experience. She would be pretty unhappy too.

This is the problem for us parents with kids who don't get on with STEM. It's all very well saying ' well just get an apprenticeship instead' In what? Many are extremely competitive, even in STEM. If your DC have no aptitude for science maths or tech, their best chance of a good career is University. I have one DC who is doing a humanities degree. If there were Civil Service apprenticeships he would have applied, but they have been frozen. If he could have found a paralegal/legal apprenticeship he would have applied but there were none. He has a friend who did find an apprenticeship after A Levels who has just been let go after a year on the apprenticeship and is now looking for any job because she cant find another apprenticeship employer. She didnt do anything wrong. She just finished her apprenticeship and they decided they didnt want to progress her onto the next level as there wasnt the work for her. It's not a golden ticket. My younger DC is good at stem but is not sure he wants to do it or go to University. As long as he's doing something then I am taking it that my pushing on education ends at a Level 3 qualification, so after that, if he wants to go out and get a job or apprenticeship then that's fine. At least he has options as he will hopefully have good qualifications behind him.

I don't think they really do. I think they want other people's children to be less educated than theirs!

Yes perhaps this!

All the talk of debt, whilst ignoring the higher earnings even after debt paid back.

My only child is only 7 and I’ve already gone on a bit of a journey with this. I am the first person in my family to go to uni and I have a masters too — being smart and academic was always a big part of my identity and sense of self. I had stupidly assumed my child would be similar (I don’t know why, it sounds daft in hindsight) but she is becoming her own person and is very different from me. So now I would say I will just support her to find her talents and interests and if uni is part of that then fine but if it isn’t that is also fine. We live in a very academic place with a lot of pushy parents and I feel sorry for their kids having so much expectation placed upon them.

Well, you could boil most of the education threads on here, certainly the private education ones, down to precisely that maxim. British parents are terribly anxious about their child not being able to compete on a level playing field, and are desperate to give them a boost compared to their peers.

DCs are 4 and 8 and yes I expect them to go to university and I would be disappointed if they didn't. I was the first generation of my family to go to university and I've always loved learning for its own sake (I have studied two additional degrees in later life for pure interest). It is not so much about preparing for work for me, but just about the experience and being educated, so I would be sad for the dcs if they missed out on that. DH comes from a family of educated professionals and university was the default path in his family.

The eldest is preparing for 11+ exams for selective London schools and at the schools we are considering, almost everyone goes to university, so there will be an expectation from their teachers and peers that they will go. We aren't deterred by the cost, as the dcs have been in private school since nursery.

I agree. There are an awful lot of ' My DC got 9a* and 4 As at A level and now does an engineering apprenticeship at BAE so don't bother with University for your kids...'

Or the better job prospects.

Lifetime earnings are still higher for graduates aren't they? I agree a lot of this 'degrees are worthless now' stuff is gate-keeping by the ambitious parents and others are falling for it. Higher paying jobs still require a degree, any degree, or a degree apprenticeship. People forget that the good apprenticeships like the BAE one still involve study, exams and a degree from a UK awarding body.

Starting off in the postroom and working your way up really isn't a thing anymore.

I always assumed it, DH and I both went, and our university experience has shaped much of our lives, our friendships etc. DH was more cautious about making that assumption. DS is now at University and seems to be really thriving after some tricky years at school with bullying, Covid etc. so I’m glad that he’s having this experience. We are fortunate in being able to support him quite a bit though, which will help keep the student debt down.

if he’d chosen a different path that suited him, I wouldn’t have been disappointed, but I’d probably be disappointed that he was missing the experience of it.

The goal / ideal would be for her to go. If it doesn’t happen , for whatever reason, there are options. I wouldn’t be disappointed if she went for the other options.

I think it’s safer not to make any assumptions about your DC’s life. This includes university, marriage, careers, grandchildren, location etc. They’re entirely separate people and should be free to make their own choices