Do you assume your dc will go to uni? And will you be disappointed if they don't

[Vegetablespringrolls]

Just wondering as ds1 was adamant he wasn't going to university, then decided he was at the last minute. Ds2 was always planning to go. Dc3 doesn't want to go but he's only in year 11 so plenty of time to decide. Younger 2 probably not able to but you never know.

I've been talking to someone who is assuming their currently primary school aged dc will be going to university. I don't know, it just seems odd to me that you would even think about something that far in advance. I understand saving money for "the future" and we have done that too but university has always been something the dc have chosen or not, it's not something we ever expected them to choose.

Hopefully not.

unless there is really no other way to be in the career they want, I would hope they would gain qualification through apprenticeship. I see so many kids come out of uni saddled with debt with pointless degrees

I assumed all of mine would go and they all have degrees now and are employed in their field (Engineer, Physio and nurse). We are in the US though and they require degrees for everything so it’s hard to imagine a decently paid job without the education. The days when you could “work your way up” disappeared.

Trades here are also good if you can get an apprenticeship and in a union, but DH did that and the physical labour takes its toll on your body eventually. Most people can’t work till full retirement age (unions can mean you don’t have to as they mostly offer pensions), but there are gaps with healthcare etc .

DC1 (14) was talking to DH the other day and said they aren't sure that they would want to go to uni and come out with a load of debt and no guarantee of a job. I always imagined they'd go but would be absolutely fine with them getting an apprenticeship or something more practical instead in the current economic climate.

Yes and yes. Dh and I both have phds. Dc are on track for 4 good a levels. So they would have to have a very good reason not to go.

We always assumed dc would go just because we did ourselves but now with one who went straight into the working world and working his way up in a decent admin position and so much up in the air due to stupid
ai, no, absolutely don’t mind either way

I thought I'd encourage my DS to learn a trade and become an electrician or something. However, from toddlerhood it became clear he's ridiculously clever but wildy impractical, so was always going to pursue an academic career - and with what he wanted to do yes, I'd have been disappointed if he hadn't gone to uni since he needed it for his career.

I’ve always assumed they would, they’re both academic, and I want them to have the experience that I had - the fun and the meeting new people and expanding their knowledge and interests - though I think all of that is harder to gain now. I have always planned to finance it as much as possible.

I think that’s an expectation that they’ve internalised and they assume they will go too. Compared to me where it wasn’t on my radar until I was in the sixth form and I didn’t know what the teachers meant when they said Oxbridge.

However financially I suspect we all (then and me!) would be better off if they went into a trade instead. They’re not very handy though! So if they didn’t go I’d be both disappointed for them missing the experience but secretly relieved too.

I assume they will go to university. They’re still very young, so it’s impossible to say whether they’ll be academic or not. But I have a degree, as does my husband, and so do pretty much everyone in my family, most of my friends and colleagues. It can be hard to imagine a different path when you don’t really know anyone who has taken it.

No and no.

Several in my family went to Oxbridge and most RG. Ex DP academic too. But I wouldn’t push a path. They want to go to uni but I made it v clear no pressure from us. I think there is a bit of snobbery involved in being dead set on your DC going to uni.

We've been through this already, and the answers where 'no' and 'no' (despite DD being very self driven) but in reality always prepare in case as it costs money! DD changed her mind literally six months off the application dates. She chose a niche subject and only four unis offered that subject. For her it paid off, she's into her second job relating to what she studied (doesn't pay masses but it's what she was passionate about). It wouldn't have been an option for her, but her BF took the apprenticeship degree route and earns almost twice as much.

One did go, the other two didn’t. No expectation or pressure from us either way. Ironically the one who’s earning the most didn’t go to university and obviously has zero debt.

The world is a different place now. Uni seems to be a massive waste of money. So many people graduate with good degrees and still cannot find work. Apprenticeships are better.
I would not be upset if my child didn’t want to go to uni.

I'm an academic, I don't want DC to go to uni unless it's for a genuine love of knowledge in a certain discipline.

I wouldn’t be disappointed, in fact I’ve actively discouraged it. Times have changed significantly and having a degree is neither here nor there unfortunately these days as every second person has them so they’re not ‘special’. It’s absolutely not a guarantee of gaining employment aside from a select few. IMO it’s far too expensive to do one for fun. I think an apprenticeship is way better. Unless of course you need a degree for your chosen career but to go for the experience and getting saddled with £60k worth of debt isn’t something I’d encourage if there is an alternative route.

I did assume that but the assumption is waning as eldest DC gets older. I will be a bit disappointed, yes, but I already see that it might not be the best route for my older DD. So maybe by the time she gets to that age my feelings will have caught up with the facts (my real child’s choices, not what I assumed an imaginary child of mine would do) and there won’t be disappointment in the event.

I’d rather my kids didn’t go. Dh and I never went. Unless they have a clear career path (which at 17/18 I doubt) where they’d need a degree I’d rather they do an apprenticeship or similar and not be saddled with 60k worth of debt like my niece is who finished her English degree this year. She struggled to find a job and the job she has found, an English degree is not required.

I hope the times will have moved on by the time my two are uni age. I think it’s a complete waste of money for the vast majority of people.

I’m going to assume no based on her loathing of school. We do actually have the money for her to go without debt but the days of going just for the experience are long gone as far as I’m concerned. I’d rather she put the £50k+ towards other professional training or a house deposit.

i kind of assumed they would because it’s what I did 🤷‍♀️

DS1 went for one year, really didn’t like it. It didn’t suit him at all. He had no interest in ‘´the student expérience’. He’s clever enough but he was just fed up of desk-based studying. So he set himself up with a mechanics apprenticeship and started that this year. It’s going great - he’s still learning, really practical skills. He’s earning a wage and the discipline of getting up and going to work every day really does suit him. Idk what longer term plans he’ll have, but I’m really pleased he’s found something that suits him, and which was his choice.

i wasn’t disappointed, but i expected other people to be. Surprisingly pretty much everyone thinks it’s a great idea - getting practical hands on skills rather than another indifferent languages / business graduate seems to be a good thing in this day and age.

Yes and yes but I don’t think going to university in this day and age will necessarily lead to career possibilities and progression in the way it used to do so.

I guess somewhere deep down I have been assuming she will yes. She’s only 6 though, I’m an older mum and the world has moved on a lot since I went to university.

It was always assumed (rightly) that I would in my family. But it was pretty obviously the right path for me, I was a total geek and really academic. I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily done me the most favours and I’ve not had a particularly straightforward career path, but I wouldn’t swap it for anything. That said, my sister is far more successful than I’ll ever be and left school without a qualification to her name (she did go back to study and qualify in her field later, alongside parenting and working full time, she’s incredible!)

Remains to be seen whether it will be the right path for DD - shes far more confident and outgoing than I ever was already, with a much wider range of interests unlike me who used to just hide in a book at all times. If anything I actually needed the university experience to force me to leave home and gain that confidence.

Yes, and yes, is my honest answer. 2 down, 3 to go/see.

Neither of mine did. Wasn’t disappointed at all. Meant all that money for fees etc was all mine!

I don’t know really, our oldest is only eleven so is very much just toying with what he would like to do in the future. Education is a little different here as if you do an apprenticeship, you do it at school who then find you an employer for the day release, you typically then leave school trained, or in some job areas you do another year in a paid apprenticeship to fully qualify in that particular job. If either of then decide to go to university thats fine, fees are £0 here and as students typically live at home universities tend to offer a wider range of courses.

I’m not bothered if either go or don’t go to university, I just want them both to take the right path for them.

No, I actually hope they don’t.

My secret hopes for both my kids are that they find some kind of apprenticeship or job somewhere with great career progression, where they can learn transferable skills.

The world isn’t what it used to be, in many cases now degrees are an expensive waste of time. I also think university contributes in some cases to arrested development, binge drinking and poor MH