Do you assume your dc will go to uni? And will you be disappointed if they don't

[Vegetablespringrolls]

Just wondering as ds1 was adamant he wasn't going to university, then decided he was at the last minute. Ds2 was always planning to go. Dc3 doesn't want to go but he's only in year 11 so plenty of time to decide. Younger 2 probably not able to but you never know.

I've been talking to someone who is assuming their currently primary school aged dc will be going to university. I don't know, it just seems odd to me that you would even think about something that far in advance. I understand saving money for "the future" and we have done that too but university has always been something the dc have chosen or not, it's not something we ever expected them to choose.

No and no
university is incredibly expensive and doesn’t suit everyone
there are other routes to the world of work including apprenticeships now

No. In fact, I'd quite prefer it if they went into a good apprenticeship with a reputable company. My ex did that, i went to uni and followed a professional qualification pathway. He was qualified and earning a really good wage much sooner than I was.

It was always assumed in our family that we would go to university and we all did. I went just before the end of plan 1 loans, and those on plan 2 have it much worse. I graduated 20 years ago and still have £16k of student loan debt remaining, despite having been paying it off for the last 18/9 years via PAYE. I dread to think what a degree will cost in 10 years time when my youngest would be of that age.

Ds1 knew what he was interested in whilst still in secondary school and was spending time widening his knowledge on it. He knew the easiest route in was through university as that was a requirement of his field. If he could have taken an apprenticeship he would have. It panned out and he landed a graduate job in his chosen field on a great salary and an incredible career path.

He doesn't see the debt as anything other than the cost of going to uni. He doesn't worry about it. He only cares about his net salary. His degree bought him his job, He feels the same way about a mortgage, that will be a much larger debt to have and lots of people are willing to take that on.

Ds2 was unsure about what he wanted to do until sixth form where he got to study a new subject but again, the degree will open doors into his field. I never expected either of them to go and we were willing to support them no matter what. In fact if we took Ds1's SATs results as a projection of where he would be he would not have even been doing A levels.

Two of mine did go to university, but both decided it wasn't for them and dropped out for different reasons. They are both doing really well in their careers now. The other decided to go as a mature student and is thriving there.

I did kind of assume they'd all get degrees as both DH and I did, but they're forging their own paths in life and in no way am I disappointed in them.

Mine are all adults now (and graduated), but no, we didn't assume they would go.

We've always encouraged them to keep options open, and follow what seems right for them, at that time. We've been very clear that what you decide to do at 18 doesn't define your life. You can not go to University, but decide to go later, and equally, you can go to University, but not necessarily use your degree when you have it.

We certainly aren't in any way disappointed in the dc that is loving the job they have that they could have started without having been to University.

Mine are too young to be thinking about this but actually I would rather they didn't go. Obviously if they wanted to or it was a career which needed a degree then that is fine, but I think there are better opportunities available through apprenticeships and the workplace.

Yes and no.

I assumed it would be an option if they wanted to go, that they would be capable and might want to go for a do specific career choice or the experience, but equally i assumed they might pursue other careers or jobs via different routes. I guess my assumption was they would be motivated to do stuff.

but as it happens one has SEN and a degree isnt a very likely option and we arent sure what employment he coukd manage either; and the other wasnt going to go to uni, worked for a bit, found it hard to progress so has now gone to study something I wouldnt have expected him study.

Yes and no.

I expect he will be able to (academic parents), but we'll be researching career paths with him and helping him think through what would suit him best when the time comes.

The average number of degrees in my family is something above 2, whilst my husband is the only one with a degree in his. Getting a degree was a given to my parents, but those were the days it was suddenly no longer the case that a degree was an open door to a high salary.

My parents very much had the attitude "you can do anything" - except with zero actual support in working out a career that suited me. I don't intend to be that cavalier with offering help to something that occupies half my son's waking hours!

I thought youngest ds would. But the situation with the student loans over the last 10+ years has meant that we would now prefer a degree apprenticeship. He'll apply to university as well but that's the back up plan.

I did assume as I went and actually don’t know many people who didn’t. But my eldest stepson didn’t go. When my son was doing GCSEs it was apparent that academics was not for him. So pivot and he went for a vocational qualification (horrible timing this was just as Covid hit). My DD however was very studious (3 x A*) and there was no question. However she initially wanted to do a creative degree but after her results decided on a more academic course. But she thinks uni is a con and unless essential for whatever career (medicine, law, engineering etc) she thinks save your money! But it is so common that many employers want a degree no matter if it’s relevant or not - and that’s a separate but important point.
Im not disappointed my son didn’t go. I am disappointed that world events prevented him from doing the necessary work experience and that he was severely let down by someone early on and not sure if he’s recovered even now several years later. He did not get the head start he should have and he has a real confidence issue, despite being very friendly and outgoing. This has held him back. My DD is quietly confident and can tackle most things - determination is her middle name.
Uni is certainly not fit everyone, the so called ‘uni experience’ is a terrible lie for so many people. Unless absolutely sure and very focused on whatever subject I wouldn’t do it.
As for apprenticeships? Gold dust people, gold dust.

I think if you’ve been to university yourself you’re maybe more likely to assume DC would also. I have a degree and so does my husband but we were the first generation within our families to go to university, so maybe the assumption that my kids will isn’t quite as baked in as it would be if the generations before had also gone. I think it’s likely my eldest will as she’s said as much, the youngest isn’t sure yet. It certainly isn’t an expectation I have, I know they are both capable of it academically but it’s their life and ultimately I just want them to be happy. So no, I won’t be disappointed if they don’t.

Rightly or wrongly, I did expect it. They are both smart, top half of top set smart. And they did and are doing well in grad jobs and on internships. We are lucky and finances aren’t a constraint in regard to fees etc. DH and I both went and we wanted them to have ‘the experience.’ And they did.
Its absolutely not the right thing for everyone though. You should play to your strengths.

I used to assume they both would. But it seems unlikely one will. Reckon the other one will. Not disappointed at all. They need to choose the right path for them and the world isn't the same place it was when I went to uni (1990s).

DD1 yes, DD2 no.

But I won’t be disappointed if dd1 chooses otherwise. There’s statistically plenty of life available for her to go if she wants to.

You never know what will happen. My son was very academic and was always going to university. He left after a term as he hated it, and got an apprenticeship. I was gutted, but he's 23 now, earning well, has bought a house, and no regrets. You can't know where kids' lives will take them.

DD will definitely go, she knows what field she wants to go into and needs a degree for that.

I think it’s 50:50 if DS will go.

I don’t expect them to go and have made it clear I will be incredibly proud of them whatever they do.

Yes and yes. But mine are toddlers and I thrived at university. If they didn’t for good reason I’d try and hide my inherent concern but also a decent chunk of the next two decades will be pointing them towards the university route.

You know there’s people here who’s kids have been to - or are at - uni, right?

Yes I always thought they would, and they both did. I never pressured them or shared my expectation with them though.

My ds22 is doing an apprenticeship. He tried college and hated it. Just wasn’t for him. I have an older dd who loved university and is just finished her masters.
I have 2 more kids and I’ll be keeping an open mind and listening to them. Plenty of options these days.

Both of mine went to uni and tbh it was pointless. XH declared that no child of his was going to come out of university in debt so it was a massive chunk out of my salary.

I don't think it is worth going unless you are academically-inclined or need it for your chosen career.
DN, not academically-inclined, did a 'mickey mouse' degree, did ok, but despite having enjoyed it said it was a waste of time and money. An apprenticeship is often a better option.
DC hoping to do apprenticeships and get their degrees that way.

I did, I was but I am over it. You get the child you need not necessarily want as they say.

We have been through hell but her happiness is what's important now. I was so shallow .

I am saving money for the (both primary age) DC to be able to go to university, but that doesn't mean they have to, and the money will always come in handy whatever they choose to do.

Whilst I don't expect university, I would (secretly) be a little disappointed if they left school without some kind of further training or career plan, be that university, trade collage, apprenticeship, career specific training etc.

Absolutely not, her life is her own.

I'm not even sure I'd encourage her to these days, unless she was set on a particular career. The debt is onerous.

Inherent concern? AI will be coming after white collar jobs - perhaps that will be more of a concern? I suspect the tables could well turn in the future and more people will be advising their children to train in a trade.