Do you assume your dc will go to uni? And will you be disappointed if they don't

[Vegetablespringrolls]

Just wondering as ds1 was adamant he wasn't going to university, then decided he was at the last minute. Ds2 was always planning to go. Dc3 doesn't want to go but he's only in year 11 so plenty of time to decide. Younger 2 probably not able to but you never know.

I've been talking to someone who is assuming their currently primary school aged dc will be going to university. I don't know, it just seems odd to me that you would even think about something that far in advance. I understand saving money for "the future" and we have done that too but university has always been something the dc have chosen or not, it's not something we ever expected them to choose.

I hope he doesn’t , I hope he gets into a good company entry level and works his way up . Many people in the company I work for have done that. From post room to director level

My husband and I are both university/postgrad educated in law and finance.

Despise our education, will not be pushing our kids to go to university, particularly now with the prevalence of AI. Who know what the future job market it going to look like?

My son is very good at maths and was invited to attend a maths circle after school. Part of the circle is that they go and tour a load of universities. He now wants to go to uni to read maths.

We will of course support him if he really wants to go, however will be strongly encouraging a trade/apprenticeship.

Yes and yes. DS wants to design rockets and he's good at maths.

DH and I are very similar to @whispycloud (solicitor and actuary). University served us well. I think it will really suit DS.

Mind you, he also liked the sound of the BAE Systems apprenticeship when we went to their hangar at Farnborough air show.

I’ve raised my LO with the assumption/expectation that they will go to primary/secondary school and university.

I was raised with the same expectations.

Yes and yes. Honestly, I would have found it very difficult if they had decided not to go. But they have all done very well academically so uni is the obvious route. If they were different people with different strengths I guess I might have felt differently.

I told mine that they absolutely did not have to go, that there was no point getting into debt. One went and it was necessary for their career, one is there now and I’m not sure if it will be beneficial, it depends on their future career. The other started Uni later and didn’t need to for the job they are doing, they are occasionally irritated at themselves for going and getting the debt. I think they only went because everyone else had a degree.

No and no. I want to give them every opportunity to be their best selves. That might not be uni. My eldest was adamant they didn’t want to go to uni till the year their cohort had to apply, I had encouraged them to do the application regardless, they are now in their first year. Youngest is starting GCSEs and so far career choices are something in computer programming or a truck driver. I will support both options as well as I can

Honestly - yes, I do assume they will go to university. It's all I know really. I don't have a single friend or family member who didn't.

Of course, intellectually I know there are lots of other options and if one of my kids looked into something else and it seemed sensible, I would support them but I would be surprised and it isn't something I would actively push

When they were primary school aged yes I did assume they’d go to uni, but things have changed a lot even in the last 10years

DS is 18 and in year 13, he was previously adamant he wanted to apply for a degree apprenticeship but we encouraged looking at uni as well just because the degree apprenticeships are so competitive and you apply seperately anyway so may as well do UCAS now and push the decision until next summer. However having now been on a few open days and spoken to people in both types of departments he thinks it will keep his options much more open to go for a traditional degree with a year in industry, but that’s a lot to do with the subjects he’s interested in and he’s very academic.

DD is only 15 and in Year 10. She currently has designs on Art School but I’m encouraging not making plans for 4 years in the future yet because things seem to be changing so fast. I won’t be disappointed if she doesn’t choose to go to uni, though she’s academic in a different way and I think emotionally that stepping stone it provides to adulthood would be useful. The work landscape is just changing all the time so what’s applicable and appropriate this year might not be in 4 years time any more.

No. Our son is looking likely to go down the technical college route to get a trade which I'm fine with as going forward I think trades will perhaps be the best option against AI.

I would encourage anyone who is capable of succeeding at university to go. It's useful to have a degree. But I'm not at all disappointed that Ds didn't go. It would have been a miserable experience for him. He's doing his own thing and I'm proud of him for knowing himself and having the courage to walk his own path.

I was always very pro university - I’m so glad my DS has no intention of going. So much debt, most jobs apart from a small minority have alternate means of entry.

A degree has been devalued to the point it’s almost pointless..

When they were younger yes, I have a degree and honestly it feels like a very basic qualification, the minimum required, as many people around me have master or PhD. It's not something I actively thought about but I am pretty sure I just assumed that it would be something they would do automatically - degree is the new a-level sort of thing.

But, not anymore. The world is changing and I see too many young people with degrees struggling to get started on the career ladder.

My dd is at uni, she needs the qualification for what she wants to do and I am pretty sure that she will need to then specialise with a master too. It's a really hard course, she is often, exhausted, stressed and financially it is really tough.

At the same time, she loves her course, she is passionate about it. We spoke last night and she spent an hour telling me about a guest lecture she went to and all the intricacies of his specialism. For me she is in the right place.

My ds is another story, he will apply next year and he is already talking about it. But it is all about how he will apply to the same uni as his best friend and they will share an appartment etc. He is very bright and it might just be his age but he doesn't have the passion and the intrinsic motivation to succeed in the same way as his sister.

Last year he did a mini internship and he got such a lot out of it, he talked a lot about the different processes (science based but in industry) and he absolutely loved the comraderie and 'banter' in the workplace. I would love to see him go down the apprenticeship route, I think it would suit him better but ultimately it is his choice.

No, but due to health and the side effects of cancer rather than anything else. If we weren't in this position, I don't think I would make an assumption either way. (Which doesn't mean I wouldn't save for it, just in case he did decide to go. Even if he didn't he could use the savings for something else. Given the UK education system and costs, if he wanted to go to Uni, I would strongly encourage him to go in another country.)

Formal education doesn't suit some people. It isn't the only way to learn and progress, although the UK in particular has become very small in what is accepted and what is not. My entire family was university educated and placed a high value on it, but it wasn't for me. School was one long trial and I was happy going to work instead of uni, and starting a job at the bottom and working my way up. In the end, I had to go to Uni for other reasons, but it was a means to an end. I got a 2:1, but didn't enjoy it at all and classes were such a joke (so few in a week that really, the 3 year degree could have been done in 18 months) that I pretty much worked the whole way through it.

So, I wouldn't make assumptions either way, but I would encourage my child to explore all options.

I'm really happy my children didn't go to " uni" as it seems to be a bit of a cesspit of unfree thought these days.

Look carefully at the success rate of each university for students securing an industrial placement. DS2 applied for loads before getting one, very many on his course didn’t. The are massively competitive.

No, only one of mine has gone to uni, it’s worked out well for her as she’s now in a job which she loves.

one works in a factory as a fork lift driver but does have management experience. He’s happy. He actually earns more than my daughter does by doing shift work and will probably earn more when he gets promoted

The other is a nursery nurse and doing her level 3 which is work based.

she has no desire to go to uni

my youngest dd is in college and has said she is considering uni. I won’t be disappointed if she doesn’t go though.

ive got a degree, never used it for various reasons. It’s not the best all and end all these days.

They don't want to? Wouldn't that be a good enough reason?

The line between encouragement and pushiness is razor thin. Reading this thread, I am incredibly grateful that I did not have have such pushy parents. I was expected to work hard, always do my best and either continue in education or get a job. I was trusted to follow my own path and I went to uni under my own steam because it was what I wanted. I intend to do the same with my DC. I will help them look at all the options and routes, but ultimately they decide.

I strongly believe that children exist to pursue their own dreams and enjoy their lives, not serve as a flattering reflection on the parents. No wonder so many young people suffer with anxiety and depression these days.

Yes I assumed from birth that my DC would go to uni. Both exDP and I are graduates and generally very academic, same for my parents. His dad was a doctor. DC1 graduated with a first and DC2 is about to graduate, hopefully with a first. In all honesty, yes I probably would have been disappointed had they not gone to uni because it would have been against all my expectations. However, if one of them has decided not to go, I certainly would have respected their decision.

DC1 in particular is particularly academic and went to a top uni. It would have been absolute madness for them not to go to uni. They were not very good at maths in primary….. but got an Astar in A-Level maths and did a STEM degree with a heavy maths element. I discussed this with DC1 when aged 19 or 20 and they they said they were just bored with the routine and repetition of primary maths and GCSE maths was only slightly better, but in large part because the teacher was so good. They said their favourite GCSE maths classes were when they did exam
papers due to the lack of repetition.

DD was adamant she did not want to go to university but then changed her mind. It was a bit of a last minute decision. But she's in her second year now and enjoying her course.

I always assumed DD would (DH and I have two degrees and a professional qualification each). But I wouldn't be disappointed if she chose not to. She's doing A-levels now and is taking it for granted that she'll go to university.

So many people saying get an apprenticeship instead - it really isn’t that easy. You have to know what field you want to go into, then find a suitable company who actually offers an apprenticeship in that area, and one that’s close to home unless you can afford to live out - they are extremely rare! It’s not really a case of ‘just do an apprenticeship instead’ - I read that statistically you are more likely to be accepted at Oxbridge than on one.

Unless their chosen career requires a degree they won’t be going to university. All they come out with is a truck load of debt which is pointless if they could have gotten the job without a degree. I will be encouraging apprenticeships as a first line and university as a last resort

I don't disagree but getting on a good apprenticeship is incredibly hard and harder than getting on most university courses.

No absolutely not. DS1 completed his foundation degree and had his graduation 2 weeks ago which was lovely but ended up getting a full time job over the summer which he enjoys, so decided not to go back for the 3rd year. I was happy either way for him. Ds2 is only 13 and trying to figure out which GCSE options he's going to take 😆 He has too many interests lol He's never mentioned college really let alone uni. I'll be happy with whatever he decides to do as long as he's doing something