Why would someone say this at petrol station?

[Lavenderwindow]

Pulled into Esso petrol station to top up. Man in car ahead had just finished and was walking into pay. I saw him briefly glance at me through windscreen. He is about my age, maybe a bit older. I am in my early 40s, able bodied, wearing my driving specs, not much to report.

I get out and start refuelling. As the man trots back to his car he says to me "I was gonna say, do you want me to do that for you?" (ie. refuel my car)

I look at him incredulously and say "No", give him a witch glare. He gets in car and goes.

I assume he is a misogynist who thinks that women can't operate a petrol pump? Fuming. I told DP and he thought the man was trying to chat me up. That is not any chat up line I've ever heard. Why would anyone say that ?

Why did he not offer help to a man then?

Interesting perspective 😀.

I think he was probably just being kind. I would have just politely said "no, I'm fine. Thank you anyway" rather than being rude.

I’d have said ‘no thank you but I would love you to top up the air in my tyres’

I hate that job.

Then (if he agreed) I would say a breezy ‘ thank you so much’ and speed off.

Misogyny is trotted out too much imo towards any man who tries to be nice.

we have a MASSIVE issue with misogyny in the UK without holding every man who was trying to be nice or to flirt mysoginistic.

If a woman offered to do it for a man there wouldn’t be this level of disgust or probably even rudeness in response 🤷‍♀️

Did you take a while to do it? I read it as he was saying you were being slow to get around to actually filling the car.

I think the reason people are questioning it is that it's actually really unusual. I'm 50 and nobody has ever approached me in a petrol station and asked to fill my car. So it is a really weird thing to do
Misogyny usually manifests itself in a slightly different way than this, so I think that's why people are questioning that it wouldn't be usual for misogyny. But maybe it has, I would say you just have to chalk it up to a very strange experience that your will likely never have the answers to!

My husband usually fills up the cars. I avoid it if I can! If I was and someone offered to do it for me, I would have snapped their hand off 😂
On a recent trip abroad, the staff at the petrol stations do fill up for you, lovely!

If you fancied them - yes. It's an opener.

He didn't get the response he was hoping for - oh thank you that's a kind offer etc. so he moved on.

No biggie.
I would just get on with my day.
X

I would have asked if he was going to pay for it for me too, if so, crack on haha

Misogyny is trotted out often, because that's almost always what it is.

No WAY would this man have offered to do this for another man. He just saw a helpless iccle female, who was probably incapable or too precious and fwuffy to put petrol in her OWN car. So the big brave white knight decided to step up, like the big old hero he is.

As for your comment 'people wouldn't be up in arms if it was a woman offering to do this for a man..' Utterly moot point. Because this would never EVER happen.

Darn. I should definitely have done this.

Would he have been so 'kind' to another man?

No. No he would not.

No it's not. It may have been chauvinism, but that's not the same thing as misogyny, and it doesn't help anyone to throw that term about over things like this when actual misogyny is such a real and important issue.

I get ‘bothered’ by men on a regular basis, despite my age. But I really don’t see the problem. If a man offers ro help me load some bags of compost into my car then I accept with thanks, if they offer to do something I can manage easily, then I say thank you but I don’t need help. I don’t think I’ve ever found it necessary to be rude to a man who offers to help me, whether they are trying to chat me up, are being old fashioned, or just being kind. I appreciate anyone with good manners, and Im happy to accept that the majority of men are likely to be stronger than me, and will accept offers of lifting etc graciously. Whilst Ive never had anyone offer to put petrol in my car for me, it really wouldn’t bother me and I would decline politely. What does it matter if someone offers to help, so long as they’re not doing it in an intimidating way?

Indeed! It's not really that strenuous or challenging, is it?

I wouldn't care if someone offered to fill the car for me while I went in and paid. I certainly wouldn't get all offended and post about it on MN. He probably thought he was being nice but of course men can't just be nice on MN, they're always being offensive no matter what.

Its a bit like the cinema thread.

Now a random man being flagged off to a bunch of online strangers for asking if you wanted help.

Agree with you.
Some women are just going to far.

You could say the same about any interaction. We can buy our own drinks too. And carry our own bags and open doors ourselves 🙄

My post wasn't bashing the original poster's grammar. Her grammar wasn't in question.

My post was to say I personally found the use of the present tense irritating. My addition of the AIBU option was a joke indicating the fact that I knew I was being unreasonable.

We seem to only be seeing the prick and not the context.

If that was me, I would just have smiled sweetly and said, no thanks I can manage. Why do we need to glare at people?

We will never know unless you see him again. My theories are:

• He thought it would be nice to offer to assist as his good deed of the day.

• He is a serial killer and you were his next victim, the witch stare scared him off!

Well maybe he fancied her then. Whatever way it's not something I would get offended about.