Why would someone say this at petrol station?

[Lavenderwindow]

Pulled into Esso petrol station to top up. Man in car ahead had just finished and was walking into pay. I saw him briefly glance at me through windscreen. He is about my age, maybe a bit older. I am in my early 40s, able bodied, wearing my driving specs, not much to report.

I get out and start refuelling. As the man trots back to his car he says to me "I was gonna say, do you want me to do that for you?" (ie. refuel my car)

I look at him incredulously and say "No", give him a witch glare. He gets in car and goes.

I assume he is a misogynist who thinks that women can't operate a petrol pump? Fuming. I told DP and he thought the man was trying to chat me up. That is not any chat up line I've ever heard. Why would anyone say that ?

There’s a bit more context to me just seeming to be a prick.

Why so quick to judge him ( and start speculating about other men)? This tiny interaction seems to have made you disproportionally angry.

@BigWig78 wow this is SO rude!!!

What does it matter how she looks?! So are we only chivalrous to old hags now? What are you even saying?

@Lavenderwindow think he liked the look of you and was looking for an opening to talk to you more.

ETA: your reaction is quite sharp/strong. Maybe you can look at that. Why would someone offering to help you make you so angry (regardless of their " supposed motives").

You can just be nice back when someone is being nice to you. It's an option open to all of us.

I would have handed him the pump. Hate filling up. Bring back the days someone did it for you I say!

I have no issue with that. I'd happily have someone offer to take my suitcase down and I'd be very grateful to them. But that's because it can be heavy and troublesome and I am small. Filling a car is not like this.

My least favourite activity is filling up the car so I’d have thanked him and let him get on with it!

Thank you. This is how I felt about it.

I miss those days!

But don't men tend to offer you help? Men are always offering to carry my bags for me, lift suitcases for me. I am actually very strong and not in need. But sometimes I can tell they want to feel useful, want to make a human connection and there is nothing wrong with that, so I let them help. It is very seldom a chat up. More a need for social belonging.

If me I maybe would be taken aback slightly. Never been asked that before. Maybe he was trying to flirt or maybe he is married to someone who wouldn’t dream of filling their own car up with petrol. Whatever I would just assume it was a nice gesture. He was obviously brought up with manners to help others. I do feel a bit for men with some of these responses that he was being awful to OP to ask the question in the first place.

Why would an older person need help filling their car up anyway? It’s hardly a taxing job. I regularly see people in their 80s filling their car up and I’ve never ever seen anyone offering to help them do it. He sounds like a total weirdo.

Lighten up. Stop finding reasons to be offended.

As a heterosexual woman, I tend to target my attempts at flirting towards men I fancy. Presumably he 'targeted' the OP as she was the only person he fancied at the pump that day.

Maybe because they are not trying to chat you up. It doesn’t have to be with everyone to happen to op.

I too think it's an attempted failed chat up. It seems obvious to me.

Exactly, she's only in her 40s! Frail 😂

Maybe he is just really bad at flirting?

I have had an occasion when I was changing the wheel on my car in a car park because I had a puncture. The heavens opened and I got drenched. A man sat and watched me do it all on my own and as I finished he said “Better drive that straight round to the local garage love, to make sure you have done it right” which I thought was rather rude. I had also restored 2 cars at this point, did all my own servicing etc so changing wheels was something I did on a very regular basis. I did not need a garage to check I had done it correctly.

People like you are the reason people don't do nice things anymore 😂 😂 😂 why bother if they just get told off?

Yes but he has a penis so his automatically up to no good! 😂😂😂

Someone offered to do something nice for you. Could you not have said “that’s very kind, but I’m good here, thank you”.

He doesn't have to be a misogynist OP.

Some men just aren't very bright, and some men have a blindness to social situations in particular. They just think "What can I use as an excuse to talk to her and get to know her? I know!! I'll offer to be helpful and fill up her car for her!"

And that's it. It doesn't enter their heads that you'd find it strange, unusual or insulting.

Is saying you should have filled up someone’s car for them after you watched them filling it themselves a particularly nice thing? If so, how?

I agree, the OP was in the middle of refuelling, why did he have to comment at all, what was the motive? If she'd been struggling it would have been different, when I'm in a supermarket trying to get milk from the back of a shelf I'm very grateful when a tall man offers to get it for me.

If it was a chat up line why would a man assume that a woman wants this, she just wants to get her bloody petrol.

Maybe he offers his help because he likes the smell of petrol?

It’s one of my favourite smells.

Not for you maybe. Maybe you don't get bothered (by men) as much as other women do. When this kind of thing happens on a regular basis, it wears you down.