Why would someone say this at petrol station?

[Lavenderwindow]

Pulled into Esso petrol station to top up. Man in car ahead had just finished and was walking into pay. I saw him briefly glance at me through windscreen. He is about my age, maybe a bit older. I am in my early 40s, able bodied, wearing my driving specs, not much to report.

I get out and start refuelling. As the man trots back to his car he says to me "I was gonna say, do you want me to do that for you?" (ie. refuel my car)

I look at him incredulously and say "No", give him a witch glare. He gets in car and goes.

I assume he is a misogynist who thinks that women can't operate a petrol pump? Fuming. I told DP and he thought the man was trying to chat me up. That is not any chat up line I've ever heard. Why would anyone say that ?

Sounds like the time when I went to get the tyres changed on my car, was reversing into the space, maybe a whole 5m to back up in a straight line and another customer felt it prudent to signal me in like he was directing a plane coming off the runway. When I got out of the car he, gave me a thumbs up. The garage owner and I just looked at eachother in disbelief. Some men are just morons and stuck in the 1950s.

If he was aiming to try and chat her up he wouldn’t have been thinking that. He’d have been thinking that it gives him an excuse to chat to her while he does it, plus she’ll maybe feel more positive towards him for doing something for her.

I’m not saying it was the best way to go about it. But I don’t think it necessarily means he thinks women aren’t capable of doing it.

I mean, he might be a misogynist. But not many misogynists I’ve met happily offer to help women. They just sneer at the sidelines.

Some people will get angry and offended over absolutely anything. Poor guy, now being slagged off all over social media.

Snurk.
Or OP needed a tiger in her tank (that's one for the oldies.)

OP can you just accept you're attractive and/or frail-looking?!

Sadly, we women always assume the worst because some men really are the worst and we have a built-in defence mechanism to protect ourselves. I don't blame you for having the reaction you did. Unwanted attraction is annoying too, but that's how the human race propagates.

Once I was doing my tyres and the man behind me tried to tell me I had the wrong pressures. I didn’t.

I wouldn’t have been offended by the offer of filling the tank though. Just caught off guard maybe.

No - but I’m not looking to meet anyone new, or look for an excuse to strike up conversation. Same as when a man offers to buy a drink at a bar - it’s not because he assumes the woman can’t buy her own drinks. I might hold the door open from someone who looks capable of opening their own door though.

I think it’s just weird and sad you’d assume a politely phrased question was an attack on your capabilities. Can’t we just assume people are being nice and wanting to make a connection until they show us otherwise? A “no thank you” and “what a kind man” would have got you to exactly where you are now in a better frame of mind.

I’m not naive and I’m not suggested you should have got him to help you and followed him home because men can be dangerous, but he’s not indicated anything like this at all.

Do you think he offers every woman he ever comes across at a petrol station to fill up her car? That migh make him a misogynist.

Otherwise, no.

I think it's very bizarre actually. I'd think he had a bit of a screw loose

God, he was so obviously trying to be friendly/flirty. There's nothing at all to indicate he thought you couldn't fill up your car. Do you think he thinks no women at all can fill cars? I imagine you think 'misogynist' a lot.

I was taking some bin bags out at work this morning and at the same time the bin men arrived to empty the big bins. The driver was sitting in his cab while the other guy was at the back of the truck sorting the bins. The driver got down from his cab and took the bags from me to carry them to the back of the truck. All I thought was that was kind of him.

In your story OP I wonder if you are wearing office wear /a white shirt and the man thought you wouldn't want to get dirty. Whatever was on his mind I'm sure he meant well.

Well no one was likely to do that because offering unecessary help really isn't what misogyny means.

Maybe check your understanding before bandying terms like that about. There is a real problem with misogyny and it's an important campaign.

This isn't even close to misogyny, and using the term like this makes it seem like a bunch of women making a fuss over nothing much, which it most definitely isn't.

I once had a man approach me at a petrol station to tell me I was filling my car with the wrong fuel (petrol as opposed to diesel). He was absolutely adamant that my model of car didn't come in a petrol version (it did) and I should be putting in diesel. He was, I suppose, trying to be helpful but it pissed me off when he refused to accept my assertion that it was, in fact, a petrol car.

It wouldn’t bother me. There was an older cleaner at my workplace who would often be there at the end of my working day and offer to carry my bags down the stairs. I let him. He was from a generation where guys do chivalry.
A guy my own age though, like the one at the garage? I’d assume he was chatting me up!

Yeah I’m easy going but that is 100% offensive. Doesn’t he see that half the people are pumps are women.

Sorry, but I’d be thinking he thought you were older than you looked, and maybe he just thought because you didn’t immediately jump out the car you were not that able bodied, or were struggling? What was the weather like? Was it during a downpour or one of the recent storms?

Why do some people jump to the 'Omg, he doesn't think i could do this myself, the bastard' rather than 'aw nice of him to ask'. Is this what kind of society we now live in?

Im female, 50 and I open doors for folk. I will pass things over, or perform a helpful gesture when I can. And ive brought my son up to do the same. Are we now saying he shouldn't do that shit and if so, what sort of selfish shirty place are we living in now

He sounds awkward and I'd be a bit confused about it but I wouldn't get narked 😅

This first time thread is the most blatant engagement farming thread you'll see today.

Why are you offended at someone offering you help? Have you never done something kind to help someone even if they didn’t need it? Not even held a door open for someone capable of opening their own door? Was that also offensive?

Maybe he was from foreign parts and they do things differently there.

Possibly, if it was really nasty weather and I was already out of my car. Possibly, if they looked a bit distracted like I often am when putting petrol in my car. Possibly, if I wanted to initiate conversation.

You cannot have reached your early 40’s not to realise he was trying to engage you in conversation and yes, chat you up.
Your DH is right. Your indignation is misplaced.

Maybe the man was a bit old fashioned and thought he was being helpful? There was no need for a ‘Witch glare’. I used to work with a woman who had never put petrol in her car herself - it was just something that she thought women didnt do 😆

Only way to resolve this is for OP to post a picture of herself and we can vote if she is indeed attractive or frail looking.