Schools phoning mums as the default

[Throwntothewolves]

I've seen this plenty of times on here, and in my own experience the school will always call me and not DH when they need to speak about DS. This happened in primary school, and now in secondary.
I'm at work when DS is at school almost all the time. DH is at home. Even if I say to call him they don't.

Can anyone working in a school who makes these types of phone calls explain why this is?

You’re making an issue where there isn’t one. Most database management systems (MIS) used in schools list a name first and then second and you can also specify priority 1 and 2 etc. so just write to school and make sure it is set how you want it. Every family is different. In suspect you put your number first when you filled in enrolment forms

Exactly this. I suspect that's what's happened.

I was eventually violently rude to my DSs secondary school. I was a teacher at another school 40 miles away (which they were aware of). DH was retired and at home, 10 mins from the school. DS repeatedly told them 'Don't phone Mum, she's teaching'.

They still continued to make me first port of call. I eventually emailed to explain that despite his penis, DHs father was capable of picking up a sick child and that they really didn't need to try and phone me. I was usually standing in front of a class of thirty 15 year olds and wasn't going to be able to walk out, drive for an hour and collect him, thereby leaving all my classes without a member of staff for the rest of the day. I pointed out that I'd personally filled in the form, giving them DHs dad as 1st contact, followed by his grandparents (3 miles from school) finally followed by my number. I pointed out that I had written in capital letters next to my telephone number 'ONLY CONTACT ME IN DIRE EMERGENCY AND ONLY THEN IF THE PREVIOUS THREE CONTACTS HAVE FAILED TO ANSWER. I AM AT WORK AN HOUR'S DRIVE AWAY AND WILL NOT BE ABLE TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY'. I had HIGHLIGHTED the capitals in a highlighter pen.

They still phoned three times one fucking week. I then told them I had serious concerns about their safeguarding procedures and really hoped that in cases where it stated a child's parent was NOT to be contacted that they weren't doing so.

I didn't hear from them again, but I daresay they had me written down as a nutter or 'difficult' parent.

I work in a school and we ordinarily call the number listed as 'Primary contact'.

As the children get a little older (out of Reception year) I will usually ask the child who would be best to call first.. most of the time the children know what parent is/isn't available for a call.

To answer your question though, yes, it's primarily women who are the default recipient of these phone calls 🫣

I'm interested that you ask the child, rather than what the parent/carer has requested?

Regarding asking the child - someone has to be put down first, even if it’s 50/50 who will be able to get out of work that day.

DH and I each worked from home a fair bit, but rarely on the same day. I forget now, but we probably each were first contact for one of our two DC. We also each occasionally travelled for work.

In our case, asking a child would have been sensible (and if the kid doesn’t know, then no harm done)

Well the protocol is to go on what the parent/carer requests.
If Priority 1 doesn't answer, they go to Priority 2 anyway. The child doesn't necessarily know parental commitments for the day.

Indeed, the child doesn’t necessarily know, but they might, particularly if they are 8+ and know mum goes to the office on Tue and dad on Wed or whatever. And if they don’t know, no harm done by asking. Like I said.

I understand protocol, on grounds of not being a complete idiot. I’m simply pointing out why it might be useful.

On our system there often isn’t a priority listed - I’m obviously using that when there is 😂

Ok. However,, the child may think, it's fine, Mum is at home today, when actually she's got a lot on. I'm just pointing out why it might not be useful and possibly problematic.

I see! Not a great system! 😊

We ring whoever is on the list first. Maybe you need to ask them to change the contact.

Ok so you (or your dh) need to ask the school to change it around so he’s first on the contact sheet. If you explain he’s easier to get hold of they willingly do it. You can’t blame them for not being psychic. In a genuine emergency they would ring everyone one the list.

I always call person 1 first. Before I call person 2, I would want to know who they are, if possible and if not an emergency.

With a fairly urgent issue, "mum/dad/auntie/grandad didn't answer. Should I call Jim about you missing PE kit/toothache/to ask about the fight you just had?" can be a helpful question, if you've no idea who Jim is and whether he will care or be in a position to take action.

Child needs hospital - I would just work my way down the list.

Regular behaviour or learning call - I normally just call priority 1, to prevent several people panicking about missed calls from school.