Schools phoning mums as the default

[Throwntothewolves]

I've seen this plenty of times on here, and in my own experience the school will always call me and not DH when they need to speak about DS. This happened in primary school, and now in secondary.
I'm at work when DS is at school almost all the time. DH is at home. Even if I say to call him they don't.

Can anyone working in a school who makes these types of phone calls explain why this is?

They should phone whatever number is listed first really.
Maybe take your number off their system.

Mine do this, even though we've asked them not to and they know I can't have my phone on at work. It invariably means DS has to hang around until I see the missed call a couple of hours later. DH, on the other hand, has an office job two minutes away.

Have you listed your DH as the primary contact? If mums complete the application form and then put their details first before entering their DH then they will by default become contact 1 until they tell the school otherwise.

If the priority is already set to dad and school are ignoring then I’d be raising it with them.

Our school calls whoever you put as first contact. We have twins and clearly filled out a form each so dh gets called for dtd 2 and I get called for dtd1. Fairly standard now and the mum default fairly outdated. Is it a small school? I’d check how they’ve put contact details on the system as it’s probably as simple as switching the order.

We always call whoever is listed as first contact (I’m a LSA).

I call priority 1 (secondary school HoY) and if no answer call priority 2. If it’s a serious matter I will always call both parents. Often I ask student who are s best to call as they know who is working from home on certain days / who is not contactable / abroad etc.

That's really annoying. You need to keep complaining every time it happens.

Why doesn’t your DS tell them they need to ring his dad, instead of hanging around for hours? 😳

I honestly think it’s an urban myth. All schools phone first contact and if they get no joy, the second contact. If the mother is second and keeps getting calls, she maybe needs to have a word with her partner who is clearly NOT answering the calls.

It's a big secondary school, but it was the same at primary school.
I assume I an listed as priority 1 to call. But if I don't answer they just leave a voicemail and don't call DH. I've asked that they do, but it doesn't seem to happen. In the case of DS needing picked up, I ask if they've called DH before doing so myself.
I don't want to remove my contact details completely, I just want the school to call DH if I don't answer.

I just wonder if this is an outdated but standard thing for schools.

Maybe change your voicemail message to "I can't answer the phone right now so please leave a message unless you are my sons school them please phone his father on the number we have provided"

I would say 99% of the time I would phone the parent who is listed first on the emergency contact form. The other 1% I will phone the parent who is most approachable as some parents are incredibly rude and I don’t have the time or effort to deal with them, so will phone the parent (usually the mum) who is not rude to staff.

when ours were younger and I got phoned, on the odd occasion I couldn’t pick them up I would phone dh and he would. Saved the school phoning both parents,

Why don't you switch your DH to the first contact then?

You need to go into the school and fill in the form again, or ask if you can update it online.

That’s all.

Ours call whoever is listed first but I’m a single parent so it’s always me they call anyway

They call whoever is listed as 1st contact first

The problem is, Mums tend to be the default form fillers, and we put our details first

There needs to be a conscious movement to put whoever is easiest to get hold of first

I do have a friend who is a teacher who always calls the Dad first - purely because she is annoyed by the ‘default option’ issue!

Well it doesn't happen often enough for him to spot the pattern, and presumably he thinks they're doing what we've asked them to do. But thanks for pulling my son up on his ineptitude.

My daughters school does this, even though I put myself as 2nd contact and have challenged them on it previously. Most recently, it was because she needed a packed lunch (their kitchens broke) and it took every bit of my self restraint to not tell them my husband is capable of making a sandwich.

My BiL is a headmaster and calls dad's as the default.

They can then get in touch with their spouse if needs be.

Half the mums love it with is great for him, half hate it which he also finds great as they feel they can't criticise his decision and he's an absolute wind up merchant 😂

Bit stroppy of you to reply like this to a completely valid question?

But hopefully if it happens again he’ll know what to do.

Ive had this before, when my DD was in pre school she was ill and they rang me (I was at work and not allowed my phone) they didnt ring her Dad who was at our house two streets away and could have picked her up straightaway, i was livid! They insisted they had us both down as contacts but couldn't explain why only I was contacted

If you’re that bothered about being contacted about your child’s welfare, just remove yourself from the list.

He should be calling whoever the first contact is.

School always rang me as first contact. But then 2nd contact (grandparents) if I didnt answer.

DH wasnt on the Emergency contact list as he worked over 200 miles away. They had his phone number elsewhere on the systen for any academic enquiries. (And they did call once for that)

Well yes that’s exactly the issue. 🙄