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Downstairs neighbour pulls his blind down and stares at me every morning when I take my daughter to school. what would you do?

177 replies

Usernamemustcontainspecialcharacters · 19/10/2026 08:35

I’m looking for some advice because this situation is really starting to affect me, and I don’t know what to do about it.
I live in a block of four flats, and my downstairs neighbour lives alone. Every morning when I take my four-year-old daughter to school, he pulls his blind down and stares at me through his window.
What makes me particularly uncomfortable is that I’ve noticed it happens when I’m taking my daughter to school, but not when I’m on my own or when my partner is with me.
It’s happened again this morning, and I’ve been left feeling sick to my stomach. I don’t know why he’s doing it, but the fact that it keeps happening in this particular situation is making me increasingly uncomfortable.
I should be able to leave my own home with my daughter without feeling watched or anxious. I don’t want confrontation with a neighbour, but I’m starting to dread these encounters, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to feel comfortable where I live.
Has anyone experienced anything similar? Would you ignore it, speak to the landlord, or report it if it continued? I don’t want to make assumptions about his intentions, but I also don’t want to dismiss how uncomfortable this is making me feel.
I’d appreciate honest advice, especially from anyone who’s dealt with a neighbour who repeatedly watches them like this. Am I overthinking it, or would you find it unsettling too?

OP posts:
Mulledjuice · 19/10/2026 10:31

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 19/10/2026 10:28

Is he old? Young? Middle aged? Does he live alone or does he have someone else with him?

I am just picturing a middle aged man with a rather rigid lifestyle who looks out at the sound of voices and checks everyone's bin to see if they are throwing away recyclables. A nosy neighbour, basically.

how is his age relevant?

Fleurdavril · 19/10/2026 10:31

Your partner/ husband probably needs to knock on this neighbour's door or catch him at the time when he peers into your bin. Your partner then informs the neighbour that HE (as opposed to you) has noticed said neighbour checking your bin each week and asks him why he's doing it. What on earth is he looking for? It is creepy indeed.

While your husband does not have the right to challenge the neighbour about his peering at you and daughter through his blind - he's at liberty to do this - what your husband will be doing subliminally - while enquiring about the bin - is telling this neighbour that he is being watched, that as a family, you know what he's up to. Men take more notice of other men.

As regards the neighbour watching uou and daughter, there are of course always going to be people with an unhealthy interest in children. It's perfectly understandable that you feel unnerved.

Years ago, I spent a lengthy train journey with a chatty, oblivious child who was being stared at intently by a man. It was very disturbing. I tried to change body positions to block his view, stared back at the man in order to send the signal that I knew what he was up to. Nothing made any difference. He continued to stare. Obsessive compulsive. Thankfully the child never realised and it was a one off. But I've never forgotten it.

Perhaps your husband can walk with you to the car in the morning; the neighbour might change his behaviour. It's women and girls whom (some) men like to intimidate. They are often less bold around other men, in particular fathers of girls. Mix up your departure time, change your exit if possible. Do whatever is necessary and keep a record.

GinToBegin · 19/10/2026 10:32

Honeypickle · 19/10/2026 10:23

Bin locks need to be removed on collection day and that’s the day he looks inside so that won’t work. I have to admit to looking inside my neighbours bin on occasion, to check whether the bin lorry has come or not (our bin gets repeatedly missed for some reason).

The staring is creepy and you shouldn’t have to put up with it. I’d ask for advice on the non emergency police line I think.

Some do, but there are gravity locks which don’t need to be removed, they disengage when the bin is up-ended by the rubbish truck.

In the OP’s position, I’d probably get one. It doesn’t deal with the staring, but could put a marker down that the OP isn’t going to put up with his nonsense.

Mumlaplomb · 19/10/2026 10:33

Well done for speaking to the police OP. I think it’s always worth trusting your gut in this kind of scenario.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 19/10/2026 10:33

Mulledjuice · 19/10/2026 10:31

how is his age relevant?

Because if he's older dementia might be playing a part.

Waytoohothot · 19/10/2026 10:34

Usernamemustcontainspecialcharacters · 19/10/2026 09:43

There’s also the issue with my bin. Every week on bin day, he comes over to my bin, opens the lid and looks inside it. We have a Ring doorbell covering the front of the flats, so this is something that can potentially be seen on the footage. I find it strange that he repeatedly opens my bin and looks through it, and it’s another thing that’s adding to my discomfort. I’m not saying I know why he’s doing it, but it’s not something I’d expect a neighbour to do every single week.

Thats easily sorted buy some bricks and put on.top of your bin and take them off on bin day,. And every time you pass his and hes there id wave

runnerbeenz · 19/10/2026 10:35

Katastrophyy · 19/10/2026 10:04

For fucks sake re the baffled people not understanding there are blinds you pull down to open. Stop being so literal and boring FFS

We weren’t being pedantic! Just genuinely confused, and it affected our understanding of the situation - it wasn’t clear whether he was pulling the blind down to close it and avoid being seen, or opening it down to be able to see out of it. That question was key. The OP has now clarified (though I’m still a bit unsure actually, but I don’t dare ask again now!) that he pulls the blind down so that he becomes hidden, but he is still there peeking out. That is quite weird!

MissMoneyFairy · 19/10/2026 10:37

Hopefully the police can help, buy a bin lock

Waytoohothot · 19/10/2026 10:39

Usernamemustcontainspecialcharacters · 19/10/2026 09:53

I’m not saying he’s not allowed to look out of his own window. I think people are misunderstanding what I’m describing. My car is parked in a row facing the flats, so I can see the windows while I’m getting my daughter into the car. I’m not standing there deliberately staring into his home.
I don’t know what his intentions are, and I’ve acknowledged that it could be a coincidence. I’m going to try leaving at a different time to see if anything changes. I’m asking for advice because the repeated behaviour has made me uncomfortable, not because I think I’m entitled to tell someone what they can do in their own home.
I’m also not filming through his window. I’ve put a dash cam in my car, and there’s a separate issue with him opening my bin and looking inside it every week. You don’t have to agree with me, I came here for advice, not to be insulted.

He probably says to.his family that bloody woman looks into my window every morning and i have to pull my blind down to stop her looking in, he probably waits for you to go and pulls his blind back up

DeftGoldHedgehog · 19/10/2026 10:39

We have a neighbour who is a man living alone across the road who quite often seems to be peering out of his window when we leave the house.

I can only think people who are watching their neighbours probably have very little going on in their lives and it is entertainment or routine for them. But also if there are unsavoury characters hanging around ever, they might well be the ones to spot anything dodgy going on.

I wouldn't necessarily infer anything sinister and give him a cheery wave as you go past.

FatherDickByrne · 19/10/2026 10:41

This reminds me of the time I rented a room in a flat and the next-door neighbour (a man in his 40s) used to come in the back garden whenever I was out there and try and chat to me, look at me over the fence etc. I was a hot young thing back then 🤣 and he clearly fancied me. I began to feel uncomfortable as he would often come out the front when I was going in or out as well. One day as I was leaving, he came out and said suggestively, ‘Ooh, you’ve got a big slit up the back of your skirt!’ I said, ‘This needs to stop, John’, which took a lot of courage but I’d reached the end of my tether. When I got back later that day, he’d stuck newspaper all over the windows at the front of his flat and I never saw him again 😬 Trust your gut.

Usernamemustcontainspecialcharacters · 19/10/2026 10:42

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 19/10/2026 10:28

Is he old? Young? Middle aged? Does he live alone or does he have someone else with him?

I am just picturing a middle aged man with a rather rigid lifestyle who looks out at the sound of voices and checks everyone's bin to see if they are throwing away recyclables. A nosy neighbour, basically.

He’s middle aged

OP posts:
SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 19/10/2026 10:43

I wouldnt be ignoring my gut and I would take this very seriously.
He sounds like a fucking weirdo.
And this isnt remotely harmless.

I'd be filming him EVERY morning yo document it and have proof and I'd prob log his behaviour with the police their non emergency number.

If he wants to have a go about filming I'd say you arent filming him just like he isnt staring at you.

On the bins you can get a bin lock (the bin opens only when tipped upside down)

I would also be doing Sarah's law.

Usernamemustcontainspecialcharacters · 19/10/2026 10:43

FatherDickByrne · 19/10/2026 10:41

This reminds me of the time I rented a room in a flat and the next-door neighbour (a man in his 40s) used to come in the back garden whenever I was out there and try and chat to me, look at me over the fence etc. I was a hot young thing back then 🤣 and he clearly fancied me. I began to feel uncomfortable as he would often come out the front when I was going in or out as well. One day as I was leaving, he came out and said suggestively, ‘Ooh, you’ve got a big slit up the back of your skirt!’ I said, ‘This needs to stop, John’, which took a lot of courage but I’d reached the end of my tether. When I got back later that day, he’d stuck newspaper all over the windows at the front of his flat and I never saw him again 😬 Trust your gut.

That’s awful, but well done for standing up to him! It must have taken a lot of courage to say that to his face. ❤️ It’s reassuring to hear that speaking up made a difference in your situation. I’m trying to trust my gut, because the thing that’s making me uncomfortable is that he only seems to do it when I’m taking my daughter to school, never when I’m alone or when my partner is with me. It’s starting to make me feel really uneasy.

OP posts:
Toodarktooearly · 19/10/2026 10:45

It's part of the rhythm of his day marks oerhaps beginning maybe he just enjoys it maybe he misses his wife his children his life when he walked someone to school every morning you can actually just wave to him? maybe you could not be so predisposed to thinking ill of someone, poor man

Waytoohothot · 19/10/2026 10:46

FatherDickByrne · 19/10/2026 10:41

This reminds me of the time I rented a room in a flat and the next-door neighbour (a man in his 40s) used to come in the back garden whenever I was out there and try and chat to me, look at me over the fence etc. I was a hot young thing back then 🤣 and he clearly fancied me. I began to feel uncomfortable as he would often come out the front when I was going in or out as well. One day as I was leaving, he came out and said suggestively, ‘Ooh, you’ve got a big slit up the back of your skirt!’ I said, ‘This needs to stop, John’, which took a lot of courage but I’d reached the end of my tether. When I got back later that day, he’d stuck newspaper all over the windows at the front of his flat and I never saw him again 😬 Trust your gut.

When i was 18 i lived in the bottom of a big house so my bedroom looked out onto the road, the old posh man.opposite would always be at his window watching and one day i had enough i went and knocked on his door and he answered and his wife was behind him and i ignored him and said to his wife can you get your pervert of a husband to stop staring at me getting dressed in the morning!!

Notanotherslice · 19/10/2026 10:48

Im sure the police appreciate you contacting them to say your neighbour is looking in your bin and out his window…..

MrMucker · 19/10/2026 10:48

If he's downstairs and he only does it when you leave with your daughter then my first assumption is that he's annoyed or startled at the noise of her, either during morning routine or coming down the stairs.
Having been a downstairs neighbour in a past life, I can testify to the hell of having to hear everything upstairs, and to the fact of them being completely oblivious to that fact.

The obvious solution to your discomfort is to ask him if anything's wrong.

Notanotherslice · 19/10/2026 10:49

What I find most funny about this is the fact you have got a ring door bell and dash cam to gather evidence on your neighbour as if he is a master criminal! Just bizarre and right here a case of an unnecessary neighbourly dispute.

Gloriia · 19/10/2026 10:50

I'd put a big note inside the bin on bin day saying 'wtf are you looking for??'

As others have said stop and give him a big wave so he knows you've clocked him.

I see you've asked the police for advice already so just do what they suggest.

ArtisticSwimmerinLaneOne · 19/10/2026 10:50

I would get your partner or a friend to take an obvious (posed if necessary) photo “of you with your daughter” showing him “accidentally in the shot” in the background in the window. Multiple days.
I suspect it will then stop.

I have successfully had to do this with multiple offenders abroad - a photo of them “accidentally” walking into a picture that I was already taking. They stopped - when they knew I had pictures.

Gloriia · 19/10/2026 10:52

'If he's downstairs and he only does it when you leave with your daughter then my first assumption is that he's annoyed or startled at the noise of her'

Yes I'd guess it's some passive aggressive thing related to noise. A neighbour in our street used to stand staring at the window if we played outside when kids. Some folk just do the staring thing as sentences and interacting too much for them

Happylife32 · 19/10/2026 10:53

The time you take your daughter to school is about the time lots of people open their blinds. I wouldn't read too much into it.

LatteLady · 19/10/2026 10:54

Many years ago something similar happened to my mother. A chap used to stare in through the front window as she was getting the family ready for the day, it really annoyed her, so one morning, she arranged the family in front of the window and as he passed they all waved. He never looked again... suggest you try similar and embarrass him out of it.

lulujuju · 19/10/2026 10:54

Definitely trust your gut on this. There’s no way a normal man would do this to a lone woman and her young daughter. I would feel the same as you, and I’d get your partner round there ASAP to talk to him about the staring and the bin.
You are getting weird, pedantic replies because many posters lack empathy and it isn’t happening TO THEM every day.