Downstairs neighbour pulls his blind down and stares at me every morning when I take my daughter to school. what would you do?

[Usernamemustcontainspecialcharacters]

I’m looking for some advice because this situation is really starting to affect me, and I don’t know what to do about it.
I live in a block of four flats, and my downstairs neighbour lives alone. Every morning when I take my four-year-old daughter to school, he pulls his blind down and stares at me through his window.
What makes me particularly uncomfortable is that I’ve noticed it happens when I’m taking my daughter to school, but not when I’m on my own or when my partner is with me.
It’s happened again this morning, and I’ve been left feeling sick to my stomach. I don’t know why he’s doing it, but the fact that it keeps happening in this particular situation is making me increasingly uncomfortable.
I should be able to leave my own home with my daughter without feeling watched or anxious. I don’t want confrontation with a neighbour, but I’m starting to dread these encounters, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to feel comfortable where I live.
Has anyone experienced anything similar? Would you ignore it, speak to the landlord, or report it if it continued? I don’t want to make assumptions about his intentions, but I also don’t want to dismiss how uncomfortable this is making me feel.
I’d appreciate honest advice, especially from anyone who’s dealt with a neighbour who repeatedly watches them like this. Am I overthinking it, or would you find it unsettling too?

Is the Ring doorbell on the front of the flats a communal one everyone can log into? If so he can watch everyone’s comings and goings! If it’s just yours, I thought most places don’t allow a Ring doorbell on communal doorways as it means you’re able to record everyone

You’ve got your own Ring doorbell on a shared entrance? How does that work? You’d be recording your neighbours. Is he looking in all the bins or only yours? I’d gather your evidence and make a report if you think it’s targeted.

We have a Ring doorbell at the front of the flats, and he opens my bin and looks inside every bin day. My car is parked facing the flats around the back so I can see the windows when I’m getting my daughter into the car. I accept it could be coincidence, which is why I’m going to try leaving earlier. I was just asking for advice because the situation has made me uncomfortable.

This. Just start waving.

You win the award for the biggest reach of the week.

Staring at women and making them feel uncomfortable is never ok.

Looking in your bin on bin day us likely looking to see if there is space for extra rubbish, may be for himself or another neighbour requested he checks because he's on the ground floor.

Looking out the window at the time of the school run, he may be waiting for a visitor who comes after they drop off their child. If he closes his blind at this time, on the ground floor, perhaps he just wants privacy to get dressed. Are you coming back from the school run on your own and his blinds are open? Or are you going to work?

Watching him on a dash cam and on a ring door bell sounds like you are stalking him @Usernamemustcontainspecialcharacters.

Change the time you take your daughter to school or have your partner take her.

For fucks sake re the baffled people not understanding there are blinds you pull down to open. Stop being so literal and boring FFS

As @WhatsItAllForAnyway says, maybe your bin reminds him of a bin he lost, or of his own bin when it was new? Your bin is safe with you.

Sarcasm off. He is a weirdo, OP.

I’d put a large piece of paper on top of the rubbish in the bin asking ‘Why are you looking in my bin?’ and see if it stops him.

Oh dear. You have come to the wrong place of you want measured advice.
This lot will pile on you like rabid cats and twist your words and before you know it you will be regretting ever posting on Mumsnet.

But OK look at this situation. I believe gut feeling is a great thing. Its what we are given as a protective instinct. Sometimes because we live in times of fear we can over react. But I would definitely try and change schedule slightly. I'm of the kind of person who would stop in front of his window and stare back. Dont be intimidated, if he is a nasty person he should back off. If he is innocent, he might wave.
Don't ignore instinct, it's there for a reason.

As for the bins, that's just weird and nosy neighbour behaviour. When he next does it, ask if you can "help him with something ".
Nosy neighbours can be a real nuisance and should rightly be put in their place.

He does sound like a bit of a freak, it is not normal to look in someone elses bin or stare at their child.

I know you do not want a confrontation, but I think to make this stop it has to happen. Get your partner to knock on the door and say we have just seen on our doorcam that you keep going through our bins, is there a reason you keep doing this? Is it also possible for your husband to take your daughter to school one day? then when he peeks through the blinds get him to say 'Can I help?' while staring until he goes away. Should soon stop. Then inform whoever manages the block .

We have a gate on the back of our garden, it is inaccessible to get to but people often wander fast and glance in. There was some guy that was staring in so I stared back through our kitchen window (which was a good 30ft away). I send my dh to go outside and tell him to get lost and even though he could see me scowling at him as soon as dh went outside he scurried off. There are some shitmen who will only respond if a man does something, I would bet this weirdo is the same.

I am sorry people are being so rude to you, I would feel massively uncomfortable with someone going through my bins and staring at my child too.

I’d probably be puzzled by the bin thing and ring at his door and ask him why, but I wouldn’t give him looking out the window a second thought. I’d probably wave in a neutral kind of way.

Your gut instinct is there for a reason- to alert you to possible signs of danger. This man’s behaviour has clearly been out of the ordinary enough to have got your attention and raised suspicions. I would see if you are able to make a Sarah’s Law application, but at the least log this via the non emergency line. For all anyone knows on here he may be know to police/probation. If he’s not, then no harm done, if he is , then they would most certainly need to know he is habitually staring at 4 year old children- this could be an indicator of increasing risk for someone with a history of this offence type.

I have thought about this many times and also putting a dye pack in the bin 😂 but knowing my luck he won’t do it that day and it will explode on the collection workers instead

Thank you, I really appreciate you understanding where I’m coming from, especially with some of the other replies. I think I’ll speak to whoever manages the block first about the bin situation, as that’s something more concrete I can raise. I’m going to try leaving earlier for the school run too and see if anything changes. I don’t want any confrontation, I just want to feel comfortable going about my everyday life.

He may be harmless and just a bit obsessive or something. How old does he seem ? Can you walk out in such a way that your body covers your daughter so that he cant see her or is there a different way out. And is there a way you can check he isnt on some kind of register ? Also, without making yourself feel controlled by him, I would be careful that your daughter isnt out alone ever and doesnt wander about into the hall, if there is one, by mistake, just in case he is sinister. It shouldnt have to be like that but....When she gets older if you are all still living there and he does continue to seem odd and overly interested, it might be time to think about moving.

Thank you for your advice. I have actually already contacted the police about the situation. I’m not trying to make accusations or assume I know his intentions, but the repeated behaviour has made me uncomfortable, and I wanted to seek advice on how best to handle it. I appreciate you taking my concerns seriously.

I'd get a bin lock. The watching thing is creepy. I don't think I'd be able to hold it down and would blow up at him.

OP if you have already contacted the police they should check the sex offenders register.
Just because an offender is released doesn't mean they can't rent or buy a flat near you. The walk amongst us sadly.

I'm a coppers daughter and I won't frighten you but CSA is rising.
Do not allow the police to brush this off. We have sixth sense/ gut instinct for a reason.

Wave and big cheesy grin, every single time

Definitely get a bin lock and trust your instincts on the window-peeping - would drive me crazy. Do you ever run into him outside the flats? If so how does he behave face to face?

Bin locks need to be removed on collection day and that’s the day he looks inside so that won’t work. I have to admit to looking inside my neighbours bin on occasion, to check whether the bin lorry has come or not (our bin gets repeatedly missed for some reason).

The staring is creepy and you shouldn’t have to put up with it. I’d ask for advice on the non emergency police line I think.

I think this advice is really sound. The watching coupled with going through your bin (legally the contents of your bin belong to you and are therefore private until such time as it is taken to the collection spot on collection day - so it is a privacy issue) is disconcerting. I’d speak to a police liaison person and get a Sarah’s law enquiry undertaken. Never disregard your instincts - better to be wrong and over cautious than take the other path.

Is he old? Young? Middle aged? Does he live alone or does he have someone else with him?

I am just picturing a middle aged man with a rather rigid lifestyle who looks out at the sound of voices and checks everyone's bin to see if they are throwing away recyclables. A nosy neighbour, basically.

1. ask him what's up with the bin check
2. do a Sarah's Law check
3. "stranger danger" isnt the main danger for kids - it's usually people close to them or at least known to them, so make sure the "stranger" bit doesn't muddy the message.