Discovered I was a creative 'muse' for an old flame 30 years ago. Feeling completely thrown

[KeepOnCleaning]

I recently uncovered my university diaries from the mid-1990s and have been completely thrown by what I found when reading my contemporary self. Back then, while navigating a difficult long-distance relationship with the man who is now my husband of 24 years, I had a brief, incredibly intense, and angsty six-month affair with a co-worker. He was an international student, deeply introspective, and far more worldly than me. I always assumed I was just a passing, conventional interlude in his life and that he’d forgotten me. However, on finding my diaries, out of curiosity I looked up his adult career - he became a successful screenwriter and director - and I was shocked to discover that one of his major, internationally broadcast TV drama series relies directly on the exact, highly specific relationship dynamics, conversations, and emotional conflicts we shared, even down to naming a core character after my husband. I am happily married and have no intention of disrupting my real life, but processing the sudden realisation that I was a defining creative muse for a successful television production decades ago has reopened a closed compartment in my mind. I am struggling with a surreal wave of nostalgia and really need a space to process these feelings, as I can't talk about this with anyone in my real life.

Absolutely. I could point you to a spotify account where my ex boyfriend from my 20s, who's had a reasonably successful career as a musician (not famous but you could definitely find him if I gave you his name) published a song he wrote about me. I know he wrote it about me, because he told me so at the time and gave me a copy 😆 He got back in touch, years later, back when I was still on FB and pointed me to the account where he'd published this old song.

It was all a bit embarrassing really, and I certainly don't think I was his "creative muse" - even though on that one occasion I suppose I was😂

In my case it actually definitely was about me, but I still didn't throw myself on the fainting couch 😃He's probably tried the same stuff with a dozen exes. Just like OPs ex will have written about everyone he's ever shagged, and just like I pulled parts of my life into my writing, back when I was writing and publishing and actually getting paid for it.

It's just what anyone with a smidgeon of creativity does. It's nothing to get flustered about.

an ex wrote a song that was definitely about me. He’s got a fair following but isn’t famous. I included it in a Spotify playlist for my last big birthday and loved that 90 per cent of those at the party would realise it was about me.

I think it is a very pleasing and flattering idea to think back and imagine the impact your affair portrayed differently from your own memory, and dramatized through the eyes of a successful former lover.
But as you can't really tell anyone ( other than to the thousands Mumsnet ) you'd best simply enjoy as almost an out of body dream like experience in your head rather than tell a well kept secret to any real life people who now matter more in your life.

‘Creative muse’ is a bit much. You know the Nora Ephron quote ‘everything is copy’.

I write, I paint, I use everything from everywhere. A friend periodically put me in his books. I recognise myself but it’s me and not me, as ‘my’ actions have to fit with the plot and theme. It’s about him, and the story, not me. I’m a useful construct.

I thought this thread was fictitious?

I can’t get beyond the fact that you haven’t watched the TV series yet somehow know that it’s all about you 😂

I went to college with a woman who’s now become an author and has written a book about a woman who moves house. I’m a woman and I’ve moved house, so I’m absolutely certain the book is ALL ABOUT MEEEEEEEEEE!

Oh I need to know the movie now. Or even the actors. Even just one of the actors...?

The movie is The Social Network and @TwoFishBlue is Zuckerberg 😊

Omg, I realise I can't prove this because I'm not going to give any details because as soon as I do I would be recognisable to people who were in my life then. But I'm not talking about a 6 month angsty affair, cheating on my boyfriend which could be anyone. There are a lot more specific details to it than that! BFs name and the overall premise could of course be coincidental. I shouldn't have used the controversial word "muse"! I appreciate those of who have shared similar experiences so I feel in some way validated! I just feel slightly thrown by something that I can't talk about in real life.

I’m struggling to understand your view point, can you possibly articulate why this isn’t the normal drawing feom one’s own life experiences and dramatising to it is about you being his definitive creative muse, which is hugely extreme.

is this the onky work he’s ever created? Could you possibly be romanticising and grandiousing, if you can articulate why you think it’s made you his muse, it would be helpful

Well, that and the fact you haven't even watched it...

I had a similar sort of experience: a guy I was close friends with from childhood, ended up at university with, then lost touch with, is a novelist.

When I started reading his novels I was surprised to discover a lot of my life, our conversations, very specific things that happened between us, or to me, even my family, turned up in his novels and short stories.

I never thought of myself as a “muse” though - writers write about what they know and he knew me very well. He wrote about a lot of other people too. He didn’t ask permission for the private stuff, which irked me.

I’ve bumped into him a few times over the years and he sheepishly admitted to keeping diaries all his life, and asked me if I minded. I realised that I really didn’t care.

If anything I simply wish he was a better writer, I’d like to have been immortalised in superior prose. 😂

Exactly. I know a fair number of writers. People around them tend to end up in their writing, why wouldn’t they.

I see the catty commenters are out in force today.

Yes I’m finding it difficult to understand, but likely as the op hasn’t articulated herself in terms of why she th9nks as she does. Most writers write from experience,

so I think she’s missed something out, so for example was this solo work, most screen writers work as a team, has she read the original work which was adapted for screen, is this his only work,

im sure there is a reason she’s decided she is his “definitive muse” , but she’s simply told us he worked on a tv series which she feels copies their relationship exactly without having watched it,

To answer the question of how I know without having watched the episodes yet - it’s easy enough to read the official synopsis online, and credits on IMDb. You don’t need to watch a three-part drama to read the public character lists. I haven’t actually watched the series yet. It is a subtitled, foreign-language production that I only discovered existed this morning, and I have been busy living my actual life all day.

The physical diaries in front of me were written in real-time in 1995. The series is this writer's only standalone piece of television fiction, written with just one co-writer. It isn't a massive American or British show with a writers team of 10 or 12 people. It's an intimate, European mini-series. and it explicitly features a character named after my partner, a female lead with my exact physical description, and her name is a direct phonetic and initial match to my own. All of his other work is as a documentary filmmaker and journalist.

I am not 'working backwards' to match a plot, and I don't need to audition for anyone’s belief here. I came for an anonymous sounding board to vent about a very surreal, sudden psychological jolt, not to enter a debate about the veracity of my own youth. I have nothing left to prove. Thank you to the kind posters who understood.

Omg! I’m dead 🤣🤣🤣

Do come back and tell us your thoughts when you’ve watched it.

few years ago an ex (from 30 years ago!!) reached out in a friendly way to ‘stay in touch’ but I found it strangely time distorting. Didn’t see any point in pretending to be friends having not been in touch for decades after a terrible break up. I can understand what you are feeling and curious about what you’ll feel when you do watch it.

I know - but MN apparently think it is ok- clearly shows how much they are desperate for engagement, any engagement, even if it ruins the site.

I’m intrigued @KeepOnCleaning Please ignore the arseholes and let us know your thoughts once you’ve watched it! 🍿

If it’s a successful series as you say then he will have definitely been interviewed about it, worth looking up the interviews to get an idea of how much that time means to him, eg were you a muse and he was processing your history together or was it just that the dialogue / your relationship inspired the story in the same way that any creator will start with a central idea and build around it?

@KeepOnCleaning it's possible you are right but it's also possible that whatever weird angsty dynamic you had with Mr Screenwriter that he repeated that with others.

It could be about you but it could be entirely about someone else where he went through the same thing. People especially when young do have a tendency to repeat history and re-run relationship mistakes ( like always going for the bad boy) until they learn as they age.

Husbands name could be a coincidence or could be just half subconsciously remembered.

Unless you speak to him about it you'd have no idea whether it was based on you, based on someone else, or a mash up of his life experiences.I would try to think that its more likely a mash up or not you for more piece of mind and actually its more likely to not be just you alone,to be truthful.

So many strange, bitter posters on this thread! Being completely belligerent that OP can't possibly have had an intense, memorable affair and have been someone's muse.

Do you not all realise how pathetic it makes you seem to be adamantly refuting what OP is saying? It comes across like your own life is so sad and uninteresting that you don't believe someone else could be a muse. So you've convinced yourself that OP must be delusional.

As someone who's not a bitter loser, I really enjoyed OPs posts, and can completely believe that her ex has been inspired by her. Sounds like some very specific convos/details have been included that mean it's obvious their relationship was the inspiration. OP, I definitely want you to watch the show and report back!

If you're one of the saddos who has been tying themselves in knots to give OP a dressing down, then I'd take a long hard look at yourself. Making focus on making your own life more interesting if this thread bothers you so much.

😆

TV drama series relies directly on the exact, highly specific relationship dynamics, conversations, and emotional conflicts we shared, even down to naming a core character after my husband
You can remember it all in forensic detail 30 years later? How would he know your husband’s name?