I get it. You don't drink. But please shut up about it

[justteanbiscuits]

A friend gave up drinking earlier this year. That's fine and completely her decision.

I rarely drink, and honestly get 'drunk' maybe twice a year - and by drunk I mean just quite tipsy, not Drunk with a capital D. Due to health reasons, I didn't drink at all for five years, and it's only the last two I've started drinking occasionally when out / at a party.

We're off to a mutual friends party in a few weeks. I plan to have a few drinks. The friend has already started with the sanctimonious "you'd enjoy it so much more if sober", people don't need to drink to have fun, you should try not drinking etc etc.

How do I politely tell her to shut the fuck up. Yes, I don't HAVE to drink, but I'm choosing to. I like occasionally getting a bit tipsy.

this is a great approach!

This exactly. It pisses me off ... Some people have SUCH a problem with you when you don't drink alcohol! They're just projecting, as it makes them realise how much they drink, and the fact they can't control their drink...

I'm sorry to hear your daughter has been struggling. I wish some people would think before they post! 😠

"Don't worry i'll drink enough for the both of us"

I knew someone who didn't drink. The rest of the group were savage towards her. I was the only one who wasn't. She had to tread carefully as most of the group were her colleagues. Some were senior to her.

One night she told me she had tonic water. She'd said to the others it was vodka and tonic to keep the peace. She also started parking her car a few streets away in case someone saw it. She stopped coming out in the end.

I couldn't keep up with them and was often called a lightweight. These girls 'warmed up' with 12 shots of vodka (each). Then switched to pints for the rest of the night. Almost everyone was a lightweight compared to them.

The answer is zero by the way - I know I said no one needed to know, but zero! 😂

Some People are weird when alcohol is involved. I only like to have one or two drinks when I’m out and end up with a constant barrage of “just have another one”, “why aren’t you drinking properly”, blah blah blah. Some people can’t stand it when others aren’t matching them drink for drink.

Whether you drink, don’t drink, drink lots, drink little or somewhere inbetween, there will always be someone with a hang up about their own drinking having a go at you to justify their own choice.

😄😄😄😄

this. If you are good friends she will accept it, if you are not then tant pis

also this

I titally love this, kudos @AllotmentTime

YANBU they never shut up about it. They pretend everyone’s harassing them for not drinking and they’re responding to it, when actually nobody gives a fuck and they just want to constantly bring it up.

Same with:
Veganism
Long term breast feeders
People who identify as bisexual but have never had a same sex relationship
People from up north

I used to run my inlaws pub a few times a year when they took holidays and this for definite. I didn't used to drink much all week because it was bloody hard. Up early to clean and make sandwiches, then lunchtime opening, then clear up (no dishwasher or glass washer, no cleaner) then night opening. The ones who used to push me to drink were the ones I could confidently say I had never seen sober. I couldn't even say what I thought because it was a small close knit village and they were customers.

I make a distinction here. Someone talking a bit too much about whatever they're into at the moment is usually not a big deal to me. After all, I'm sure people have also listened to my latest big thing when it's not all that interesting to them.

But her telling YOU what to do is different. I think there are plenty of things you can say to let her know you don't appreciate it, that fall far short of having a full-on confrontation about it.

"That's great if not drinking works for you but I like to have a drink or two."

"Thanks but I'm good with my drinking decisions."

"Sounds like we're both at our comfort level with our drinking, then."

Etcetera. In my opinion, this is also good practice because it's a lifelong skill of shutting down people who try to insert themselves into your business too much. Otherwise, in my experience, people who do that keep on doing it, on one issue after another.

But if you say a couple of things like the above and she keeps giving unsolicited advice anyway, then she's just thick and you might want to reconsider the friendship. Most of us learn in early childhood that others don't like to be bossed.

One of my friends doesn’t drink but she also doesn’t like being around anyone who is drinking. She absolutely refuses to go to the company Christmas party or other events if there will be alcohol involved.

We normally meet up for coffee but occasionally go out for a meal with a group of other friends and she gets really anxious if anyone orders alcohol with their dinner. None of us drink much, it’s usually a small glass of wine, or a half of cider at most, but as soon as the drinks arrive she gets very twitchy.

She would never ask outright for us not to have a drink but makes it very uncomfortable for the duration of dinner. It feels a bit controlling if I’m honest.

I’m a sober person. Tell her she’s being really rude and to stop whinging at you please.

You cannot both say that she never stops you drinking and doesn’t mention it when you drink and yet also say she’s controlling. She is trying to be ok with it but is having an emotional reaction to the alcohol being around. Try and have some compassion for someone who clearly has a traumatic relationship with alcohol.

Personally I don’t care if people drink around me. But I hate it when my friends get drunk because they become sloppy and boring.

Many lifestyle options can seem fascinating when you're into them, especially when they're new to you: sobriety, veganism, religion, breastfeeding, dieting, home schooling and etc.

People who are into the same thing will likely be overjoyed to discuss it but other people's reactions can range from boredom to taking offense, if they feel like you're judging their differing choice. The old adage about choosing/considering your playground and your playmates comes to mind.

"How do you know what id enjoy? Ill drink what I like thanks" problem solved

I get it. You don't drink. But please shut up about it

...and your bloody "crossfit" and veganism and electric car

I agree, some reformed drinkers are as bad as reformed smokers and are boring and preachy with it.
FWIW I used to drink and smoke years ago and, for health reasons, gave up both, albeit not at the same time. I certainly don't brag about it though and I don't feel virtuous. These are personal decisions.

Are crossfit people the same as Hyrox people? Hyrox people do love talking about Hyrox 😂

Hmm, I'm not sure. Sometimes they just want to be left alone and not be treated like some sort of curiosity or someone to feel sorry for.

My DH is a former drinker and it took YEARS for some of our friends (who drink rather too much if I'm honest) to stop interrogating him about it.

But why? But you used to be so much fun! You've lost your mojo. You've lost your joie de vivre. You never dance at parties any more. Don't you find things boring now? Don't you miss having wine with a good meal? Go on, just have one. Don't be boring. It won't kill you.'

On and on it goes until I have to take them aside and tell them to STFU because it's none of their business and they are making him not want to socialise AT ALL.

"you'd enjoy it so much more if sober"

"I'd enjoy it a shit load more if you'd shut the fuck up and get a proper round in."

‘I know I don’t have to drink to enjoy a party, I couldn’t drink for 5 years, but I like to occasionally. I’m starting to feel a bit lectured about it, so can we change the subject?’