How old would your children be before you left them for a day?

[yesiknowithasbeendonetodeath]

Mine are really young now so obviously not on the cards for a while.

I don’t want to wish their childhoods away or anything but I am wondering when I’ll be able to have a day out shopping or go to a museum or a day with friends without it costing so much in childcare as to make it pointless.

I am kind of thinking maybe 10/11?

It really depends on the child and where you live. I’d say a few hours at about 13/14 but I wouldn’t want leave a child alone if I lived in the countryside. I know my son went and stayed with his friend for 1 night when his friends parents went away for the night. They were both sensible ( quite geeky) lads so no worries about parties etc.

By 11 and in the first year at high school I was babysitting for full days so I think high school age is fine.

There are always some twee parents who can wax lyrical about every second of every day being a joy with their kids. They were different types to me! Days out with your children are lovely. And days out without them are great in a different way. It’s absolutely fine to want to wander around as an adult on your own!

I was quite young, maybe seven or eight, when I witnessed what happens when you try to dry a damp bog roll in the (then new-fangled) microwave.

That was my mother's crowning achievement.

God yes, it is so important to have time for adults too. There are films at the cinema that only show after school, so dh and I cannot go together. Dreaming of an evening of a movie and a meal... At least they're in school now so we can get some time when not at work.

Assuming no special needs, something has gone seriously wrong with parenting if you have a 16 year old that can’t stay home alone for a day. Some of their age group are out working full time jobs, in the army, having babies and living alone with them (not recommended obviously but the point is what they’re capable of), travelling round Europe on their own. They are miles behind.

Basically from secondary school age. They often had inset days when I was working. I work term time - was a teacher but now work more peripatetic. I asked if they wanted to go to their Nan’s or stay home and they chose to stay home. We had worked up to it in y6 by letting them stay home for an hour or so here and there. I would check in on them in my breaks and they could phone my mum if needed. Sometimes they would go out and meet school friends also off the same day.

Evenings I found harder to let them stay home, together, if I was going to be out past their bedtime. Usually they would stay over at their Nan’s but it got to a point when they want to go to bed before I get home and not be woken up to get in the car. They were older for this. I don’t go out evenings much to be honest. I do run an evening children’s club and once my youngest aged out and didn’t want to move to the next age she started staying home but just a couple of hours. But the later evenings out are maximum once per month.

Same.

I literally cannot find one in our area that takes above year 6.

Mine were getting the bus and tube to their friends and to oxford St from 12-13. So they were also home alone from say 8-5pm from that age onwards. They were v sensible and rule-abiding types. Ten feels too young and 15/16 too old but depends on the child.

For mine personally, year 8, so depends how their birthdays fall but I think year 7 kids are quite often left alone all day while parents are working and are fine. I doubt many are going to child care all day.

it probably also helps that mine are close in age so generally left together.

Mum of 15 and 11. I don’t think 11 is mature enough for a long day. She’s been left at most a few hours on her own, since 10. I think I can trust my 15 year old if I leave food for her.

Exactly what I was going to say. 2 hours at the most aged 11, maybe 3 hours at 12.

14 for all day, and 16 overnight.

There is a big difference between feeding them and settling them to a task (movie?) perhaps with an emergency snack, and telling them you will feed them again when you return, and, on the other hand, leaving them to prepare their own food, turn on hobs, wield knives, boil kettles etc. Yes, I know, most 11 year olds can use a sharp knife but it's the "what if" of losing a lot of blood and making the call as to when to get an ambulance, or slipping in the shower and knocking themselves out with no-one home to notice etc.

So a few hours without a need for showers, cooking etc makes me a lot less concerned than a whole day.

@Ljcrow. I would leave my 10 year old (will be 11 in December) at home whilst I take other child somewhere or pop to shops with younger children, for about 30/45 mins.
He has a dumb phone (Nokia flip phone). We have also discussed expectations about being in the house alone and what to do in an emergency. We have good neighbours too, so he knows when to go to them if needed.

I agree. I might leave them for a couple of hours at 11. But not for a whole day.

I have just had a look and holiday clubs here are definitely for primary aged children.

I would expect most secondary aged children to manage a day (not an evening) without an adult, but it’s interesting as some don’t. It does just come down to what you feel comfortable with I think.

Depends. I left mine for a few hours from about 12-13 but they were sensible/mature, felt comfortable being on their own (travelled to school alone on buses in a big city) and I had very good neighbours who were at home most of the time (not only NDN but every house several doors up) and their primary school/children's centre (where they knew all the staff) was opposite our home.

You have to think about emergencies like a fire. Plus, if they did something daft like tying something around their neck or choking on something. Also, letting daft friends come over. Plus, it’s a lot to expect an older sibling to be responsible for a younger one. If something terrible happened, that’s a lot to deal with. And most siblings fight at times.

But, having said that, we always went to museums, art exhibitions etc together. I loved hanging out with them. Still do!

And a whole day’s a bit much until about 15-16. As they have to make food, get bored etc.

Didn’t leave him at all until 16 months. Left him for a whole day at 22 months. I won’t actually be leaving him alone until he’s 14/15 I think depending on how sensible he is.

I had two sisters aged 13 and 14 to babysit one evening a week for the first three years of my DC’s life. They got on with their homework, but their mum was available by phone if need be. She never had to come over as they were very capable.

However, as a teacher we often heard about all sorts of parties, damage etc when parents left their older teenagers, 15-17, on their own! They are much more of a risk than 12-13 year olds. Word gets round and friends of friends gatecrash.

I was first left alone in the house at about 11/12. I answered the phone and it was my aunt ringing to say my Grandma had died. My parents didn’t leave me home alone again for quite a while after that!

Mum worked PT .and left me (coming home at lunchtime) only worked round the corner then.One day there was a knock, and I answered it even though told not to.It was the gasman and I was in my dressing gown. She was horrified and told me off.The gasman was very kind and told me about his 6 children! I would say more about 13 or 14 really

I was first left alone in the house at about 11/12. I answered the phone and it was my aunt ringing to say my Grandma had died. My parents didn’t leave me home alone again for quite a while after that!

That kind of sums it up.

It's not how they cope if everything goes smoothly; it's how they cope if it doesn't that you need to allow for.

People always talk about moving them developing independence and I kind of think "what, let them get run over by a car at 8 so it doesn't happen when they are 47...?"

She fairly obviously means unsupervised.

I have an 11 year old, he travels independently to school but defo not willing to leave several hours/all day at home. I’d say probably 13 onwards…

Actually I think I handled the phone call very well , much better than my mum would have done.

Exactly this. It’s accidents or health emergencies. My sister collapsed at 16 from a heart problem. Luckily, she was in the hall, a family friend had popped round to drop something off and saw her through the letterbox, called my mum and an ambulance.

It wouldn’t have been annoying if it wasn’t for all the laughing emojis.

@Calliopespa tbh I am not sure news like that would have been notably differently received at 13 than 11 really. I mean, I would think the adult was at fault for not waiting for an adult to come back.