DH flatulence - wwyd?

[NutsForMutts]

DH of 20 years aways farted a lot in bed, and anywhere, and habitually overeats and drinks.

I have always hated it, find it super disrespectful and stinky and a total mood killer. Have said this many times and pleaded.

The newer thing is him absolutely blasting it out, around me but even moreso every time he goes to the bathroom. The sound rings out through the house.

In a talk about our relationship recently, I mentioned the sound was causing me a feeling of distress on a daily basis. Nothing has changed.

What would you do?

Since I’ve got older I can’t hold them in. If I bend over, get up from a chair or sometimes even walking they just slip out. I can’t help it.

I have laughed my way through reading all this.

Yeah I know it's a bad situation. It's gotten a lot worse and when we first got together it was just from time to time. I actually recall him saying something like he thought it was sweet or endearing or something really bizarre -because it was intimate. He has a problem with actual intimacy - apart from sex. So maybe to him farting is some form of bonding. He is certifiable for sure.

There is a world of difference though between this and deliberately doing it because you can’t care less for anyone else’s needs or wants. In fact, this guy thinks it’s funny that he upsets the op.

FFS - why argue other people’s way of living. You do you and I’ll do me.
My DH is a very hard working farmer, I’m retired. So we share the burden of life in a way of our choosing.

It was your own original post that assumed that your way of living was the only way though with your assumption that it’s on the op to change the diet of her husband. Society as a whole is moving away from sex based roles and assumptions.

Normal farting is normal. The op's DH sounds excessive.

I used to struggle with wind. Aged 55 I gave up wheat due to another reason. I no longer have excess wind.

As I say, I’ll do me. And any amount of so called justification won’t change me one jot.
After 35 years of marriage, through thick and thin, I’d rather be responsible for some of the girly jobs than put my hands down drains and so on. That very much includes cooking, which I can excel at. When he pisses me off he gets freezer sausages and oven chips, so it equals out!
I feel many of you younger need to chill out and stop worrying about gender roles. When working, I was by far the higher earner - and it didn’t bother me then as I did me.
Additionally, farting to extreme indicates the body is out of balance, so the kindest thing you can do is support your partner in improving their gut health.

So most of the farting is in bed, or in his personal bathroom?

The bathroom stuff imo you really can't criticise - that's the perfect place to fart. In terms of in bed, I guess personally if would depend on if they were stinky! Loud stinkless farts wouldn't bother me unless I was spooning him or something. If they were in his sleep, then definitely not his fault.

He sounds like he could be more considerate on his attitudes when you talk to him, but I think you need to unclench a little.

Could you tell him that his farting is turning you off so much you can't bear to have sex with him. Most men would change their ways pretty quickly if sex was under threat.

Hmmmm….as a man who will let out the occasional fart now and again because as you get older it gets harder to hold them in. Let me ask you this, are you a nice wife, are you affectionate, do you show him love because if not and he is farting to annoy you, then maybe…..maybe…..you should try being nice to him. I’m pretty sure he is fed up and knows that the farting is annoying you to get any kind of reaction, perhaps maybe instead of coming on here and complaining , have a conversation with him instead of inciting man hate!!

Why on earth have you decided to completely make up that this must be the woman’s fault for not being kind enough to him? Completely ridiculous post.

Trumping stink machine alert!

Do your teens do the same or are they as disgusted?

You didn’t answer whether he’d do this in front of their friends?

Does be only WFH? Does he do this when out and about with others?

Genuine question… but what made you sign up to Mumsnet @sproutguffer75 ? To join threads and give a “man’s perspective”?

I hope I am a kind wife. I care a lot about his well being and for years even put our relationship above the children in many ways. And at home I do most of the cooking so have cut out lentils and other culprits. Maybe it's striking too that he doesn't seem too concerned with his health but goes in feast and famine periods.

It's mostly when he's with me not that much with the teens or others. I think he might do it in the office but it's an adolescent type atmosphere I think.

So he basically saves farting for you

but doesn’t do it in front of other family
members or only very rarely, and would never do it when you have guests over or he’s at someone’s house?

Oh op, don’t take any notice of such a misogynistic post.

So your husband is a man who according to you seems wired to be an inconsiderate dickhead, and who:

• doesn't respect you
• doesn't care about your feelings
• has issues with intimacy (but not sex, of course!)
• overeats to a gross extent
• deliberately farts in front of you, and wakes you up with his farts
• and shits with the bathroom door open

Does he have any redeeming qualities worth putting up with that disrespectful, disgusting behaviour? Is he at least disgustingly rich?

As others have pointed out, we all fart - but it is not normal to do it so excessively or for it to be so smelly. The really terrible smell is the result of food not bring digested properly - in short, your dh needs to change his diet.

If you're old enough that farts just 'slip out' now and then, then you're well old enough to use your words and express your feelings, not just be disgusting, passive-aggressive, and disrespectful, in order to try to provoke your wife to anger.

Additionally, perhaps a man should consider that being gross and disrespectful is not a very good way to get his wife to be affectionate, and certainly isn't being a very 'nice husband'. Tsk.

The noise from the bathroom is completely reasonable. That’s the space he needs to go to. But the rest - lifting his leg and farting at dinner?! What?!

really helpful article: https://www.carygastro.com/blog/why-do-my-farts-smell-so-bad

for most people it’s not high fibre etc that is the cause (as your gut biome adjusts to that) but some type of food intolerance, some ingredients in UPF or just eating too much!

I cannot believe that I am reading a load of posts where people assume that flatulence is under someone's control and something they can do or not do out of willpower or spite.

He could close the bathroom door. But I really think it's unreasonable to think he is farting out of spite. How do you control farting in bed? If he isn't forcing your head under the covers I think it's ok.

Maybe you could lighten up a bit?