Has the lifestyle our parents had become impossible?

[bumblebugs]

My parents had what I suppose you’d call a very privileged/upper-middle or upper-class upbringing. They went to fancy private schools, there was family money around, and when they married they were able to buy a lovely big family home.
Growing up, we went to private school, had nice holidays (often a few a year), and generally had a very comfortable lifestyle. My parents would go to balls, have dinner parties, entertain friends etc. None of it seemed particularly unusual in their circle.
Now I’m married with a child myself, I’m realising that recreating anything close to that lifestyle seems almost impossible.
Between us, my husband and I earn roughly what I would have considered comparable to what our parents earned, and we both work hard. We have a nice life and can just about afford the things that matter to us, so I know we’re fortunate. But private school, a large family house and three nice holidays a year? Absolutely not. Even the social side seems different I don’t really know anyone regularly going to balls or hosting the sort of dinner parties our parents did.
I always assumed if I worked as hard as my parents did, I’d be able to give my children a broadly similar upbringing to the one I had. Now it feels as though the goalposts have completely moved.
Has anyone else from a similar background found this? Is this lifestyle simply much more expensive and inaccessible to our generation, or am I looking back at my childhood through rose-tinted glasses?

My parents couldn’t have the lifestyle they had in the 80/90’s now. My dad was a lecturer and my mum worked part-time in care work whilst studying (which never led to good full time employment). My parents had 5 kids, a big detached house, ran 2 cars, we had a foreign holiday (camping in France for 3 weeks) every few years plus touring caravan holidays a few times a year. We always had what we needed in terms of food, warm house, clothes and the odd treats. They’re living great as retirees- paid off mortgage in mid-late 50’s. Have 4-5 holidays a year, eat out lots and are able to give us kids a few thousand every 2 years. They also helped all of us with house deposits (around 10k) and contributed towards our weddings.

I have a great lifestyle but dh works full time and me part-time (I still earn more than him) in professional jobs, mortgage paid off when I was 37. But we only have 1 child. We have been saving since dc was born so will be able to help with uni, wedding, first car, house deposit- but easy enough for us as we’ve 1dc.

I had a similar upbringing to you, OP and am considerably worse off than my parents were.
Of course, leaving the bulk of the estate to my brother and not much to my sister and I had something to do with it - before anyone comes in to say they could leave their money however they wanted, I know, I know.
Also my not very money wise father made some poor financial decisions, like selling off loads of land without getting lucrative planning permission, bad investments, etc.
Heigh ho.

We managed to have a nice house and lifestyle by leaving the south east and going north, considerably cheaper. Still couldn’t afford school fees, ponies, etc.
But we had lovely countryside, small classes and opportunities to ride, play sports and grab some culture at reasonable rates.
Oddly, both adult DC are better off than we are now

I don't know anyone able to buy a house with one salary in 2026.

My son’s friend age 25 just bought a 2 bedroom 215k house, he saved 40k and his parents gave him 10k.

My DS age 26 is looking at homes up to 300k, he’s putting 100k down and I’m giving him 25k.

But you are proving OP's point. If you are in your late 60s you are the same age as my mum and will be a similar age to OP's parents too I imagine.

My mum and dad were also far better off than my grandparents were. The point is that now, people in mine and OP's age bracket with young children ourselves are comparatively worse off than our parents were at the same age. Or at least in my case and many others discussed on this thread, can afford a similar lifestyle to the one we had growing up but now it takes both parents working rather than just one.

The house price figures compared to salaries posted upthread show the reality of it. And cutting back on nail appointments or Netflix subscriptions isn't going to plug the gap.

agree. Not to mention the fact that more people go to university, etc - by the time they've worked long enough to scrape together the deposit on their first property they are likely in their 30s and tied to a career and thus commutable distance to the office, clock ticking for having children or might already have them, rather than unencumbered early 20s who can manage living in a building site and moving every 2 years once they've flipped it.

People asking 'why don't people live their lives the way I did in 1982' = because we're no longer living in 1982, duh!

Oh yes, I don't know anyone living in such cheap housing. That would be a studio flat, or one bed leasehold near me.

But the thread isn't really about intergenerational wealth transfer though, more about falling living standards.

Plenty of terraced houses in my city for that or less.

Upper Working Class.

Or do you really mean Lower Middle Class?

The class system does secretly still exist for some people in this country.
And it often denied or hidden.

I think about my upbringing and wonder how on earth my parents managed it? We lived in a house that they owned, the went out every Saturday night on a date without fail. We had holidays every year. Myself and three Dsis went to private schools and were at groups almost every night - swimming/drama/athletics etc. My DM worked part time and my DF worked in construction. They were either really good with money or it just went further back in the seventies/eighties 🤷🏼‍♀️

Money definitely went much further in the 70s/80s. Even so, for that kind of lifestyle, with 4 children at private schools, your Dad must have earned a very good salary and/or they benefitted from a good inheritance/family help.

The percentage of kids at private schools is consistently 6-7% over the last few decades so this aspect doesn’t seem to be changing.

Yes children aren't always aware of substantial inheritances. I know one friend who has inherited substantial amounts from an aunt and lives a lifestyle far beyond her salary.

ABTA say that families with kids under 5 take an average of 2.75 foreign trips a year. And that’s across all income brackets.

That amazes me that it is so high.

Me too.

Balls? 🤣

My parents did not go to balls.

So people are still affording private schools and/or lots of foreign holidays.
I think housing is where it falls down right now as you’d probably need financial help from older generations to buy a big family home. However that help is definitely still forthcoming for some people, whether that be from inheritances, trust funds or the bank of mum and dad.

Two points that really make me question this statistic , firstly that is across all income brackets and secondly the 2.75 is an average. So personally I would take 1.5 foreign holidays per year (one year twice, next year once). And I don't think that this is particularly unusual.

So to average out that must mean that some families across all income brackets are taking 4 plus foreign holidays per year?

No one in my childhood had this family life. It was already for few people at that time.

Yes, “our parents” as referenced by the OP was about only the approx 7% of the population or less who sent their kids to private schools so this isn’t a thread that will be widely relatable if you didn’t go to private school yourself.

But what counts as a foreign trip?
Say you are european and you go back to your country a few times a year, is that a foreign trip? It is hardly an all-inclusive holiday.

i do a have similar life to my parents, i work hard, hardly take any holidays and kids go to local school… no balls…. But small friendly dinner parties

I really doubt the accuracy of these figures.

That same source says families with under fives take 6.49 average holidays a year when domestic holidays are added. That is obviously inaccurate. Most families do not go away every two months, especially with under fives.

I’d assume trips include family visits and odd nights away