Has the lifestyle our parents had become impossible?

[bumblebugs]

My parents had what I suppose you’d call a very privileged/upper-middle or upper-class upbringing. They went to fancy private schools, there was family money around, and when they married they were able to buy a lovely big family home.
Growing up, we went to private school, had nice holidays (often a few a year), and generally had a very comfortable lifestyle. My parents would go to balls, have dinner parties, entertain friends etc. None of it seemed particularly unusual in their circle.
Now I’m married with a child myself, I’m realising that recreating anything close to that lifestyle seems almost impossible.
Between us, my husband and I earn roughly what I would have considered comparable to what our parents earned, and we both work hard. We have a nice life and can just about afford the things that matter to us, so I know we’re fortunate. But private school, a large family house and three nice holidays a year? Absolutely not. Even the social side seems different I don’t really know anyone regularly going to balls or hosting the sort of dinner parties our parents did.
I always assumed if I worked as hard as my parents did, I’d be able to give my children a broadly similar upbringing to the one I had. Now it feels as though the goalposts have completely moved.
Has anyone else from a similar background found this? Is this lifestyle simply much more expensive and inaccessible to our generation, or am I looking back at my childhood through rose-tinted glasses?

Wow, it's dependent on your parents isnt it. I'm in a better position workwise than my mum was (single parent) at a similar age. It's too individual to agree with original poster to be honest.

First generation earns it, second consolidated and third spends it.

Were your parents the 3rd generation? I’m the second generation and I can see how veey very easy it would be for my children to be the third

It's an interesting discussion because on paper, I agree with you. I grew up in the 80s and 90s in a detached, four bedroom house in a lovely area with a SAHM and a dad that worked a middle management job. I'm one of four children.

DH is similar.....from a large family where dad worked and mum stayed at home. Housing costs have risen so much compared to salaries that having a single income household is completely unaffordable to most people nowadays. I don't know anyone that has four children nowadays and I know very few single income families with a SAHP. I would say like others, DDs have a similar lifestyle to what I had growing up but the difference is they have two working parents instead of just one.

But we do spend far more than our parents ever did on eating outside the house, clothing, holidays etc. My spending on non essentials nowadays is far higher than my parents was when I was growing up. But when both parents are working this is the sort of spending that can make life feel a bit easier or just more pleasant. If we both have to work and DDs have to go to after school clubs rather than being picked up every day by a parent at 3pm like I was then you want to go to a café as a family at the weekend for a treat, or book a holiday to all look forward to..... otherwise it just feels relentless.

So, I would say it is swings and roundabouts with house prices being the biggest factor. Although I do think society has changed for the worse in some ways and although we are more connected (electronically) than ever, we are worse than our parents were in terms of social connections. My parents used to socialise a lot and dad would often be down the pub with his friends. Nowadays everyone is tired out from work and with home entertainment and nice food available at our fingertips people are a lot more insular and likely to be staying at home rather than out at a dinner party.

Life is tough, and it's only going to get tougher. However I would like to remind you that your upbringing is far from normal, and you have already had more than most people could ever dream of, with your education and family money behind you. Now imagine what it feels like to be in a family that struggled, even when things were easier than they are today!! THAT'S impossible! Sorry that you can't have 3 holidays a year though.

I agree. My parents were on the bones of their arses in the 70s, mother was a part time secretary and father a full time shop worker (6 day week). During the 80s and 90s, our lifestyle was immeasurably improved. We went from one car to two, started holidays instead of day trips, parents started to save money in the bank, paid off their mortgage. Saved enough for father to buy a business (successful newsagents shop), and mother to give up work. They benefitted from MIRAS income tax relief on their mortgage, an endowment payout, windfalls from building society and insurance company demutualisations, selling shares in privatised utilities (BT, Gas etc).

People in similar situations/jobs today would really struggle.

The 80s and 90s were golden years that people, on average, benefitted greatly from. That era will never be repeated.

Yes, I'm sure that global warming could do with more of OP's lifestyle.

I imagine a large chunk of your parents' lifestyle was funded by wealth which was inherited rather than earned - this will come to you in the future, I'd imagine.

there was family money around

Did they spend it all?
Maybe they should have been investing it.
Maybe they were living better than they could actually afford.

My parents had nothing like that. Not being rude, but yours sound very lucky.. And my grandparents knew real poverty, and how an unmarried mum got treated, really struggling-no free breakfast clubs and help with uniform for schools, little chance of a decent job or any promotion for my gran, and a benefit system nothing like a single parent would benefit from today. Not saying today is perfect, but it was much harder for our parents, particularly if they were the child of a single parent.
Healthcare was probably far better, as they had their own GP and see them when they needed, AE waits were very short, and schools were more under control-there was less child-on-child bullying

Yeah my comment about holidays was intended to be a tad sarcastic.

A huge factor for me is that where and when I grew up, mums generally didn’t work. This meant that they were organising not only dinner parties, balls, amateur dramatics etc but also the babysitting circles which enabled it all to happen. Two working parents don’t have capacity for all that and often would rather to be at home/ with the children in their free time anyway.

the financial aspect which means that both parents usually have to work now is obviously also behind it all, but time and lifestyle is a factor too. You could have loads of cash but if you’re both working all hours you wouldn’t want that lifestyle anyway.

My mil worked and organised dinner parties. My boss when I started work grew all the vegetables his family ate and coached some kids sports at weekends.

I still know people doing a lot outside of work. The key thing is none of them are running their kids around to lots of activities every evening

My parents would've classed themselves as middle/lower middle class but I didn't know anyone that went to balls. The only time that word would've been used was in reference to fairy stories! Neither did I know anyone that hosted champagne and salmon canapes parties or had 3 expensive holidays a year. Blimey.

I think your parents were exceptional - what did they do to afford that lifestyle - I'm 70 - the only people I know who might have had a wealthy lifestyle - though not as wealthy as your DPs were a vet and a solicitor - but still didn't have multiple holidays abroad etc etc

Yes I have only read about balls in stories.

Dinner parties is different. It's basically having six or eight people round your house to have a meal.

Foreign holidays depends. Two holidays for a week each in a cheap resort in Spain? Or skiing, yachts, and villas in expensive locations?

TVs are better.

Back in the 90's you'd pay 400 for a 20" TV with a shocking picture quality.

Now 400 will get you a 65" massive TV set even after inflation.

You may be living in a run down hovel because you cannot afford property or the ability to fix it up. But the giant TV is some compensation.

So what did you do with your private education op? Surely you would have made good use of that ?

I'm just shy of 70 and I didn't know anyone at all that had that sort of lifestyle. One of my friends' parents went to Switzerland on holiday every year, and another one had a snooker table in their loft conversion. I thought that was all pretty exotic!

It's still possible. I grew up in a FSM family, one of 6 dcs, watched my dm scrimp & save in poverty. I had my first job at 13.

I went to a poly with no parental support, graduated with a business degree, and have a life a million times better than hers, a career, money in the bank, clothes, holidays, travel, a decent home & car. I'm a single mum but sent my ds to private school. He had his first job at 17 and he's now reading a STEM subject at a good red brick.

I think it depends where you started. There's a lot more to it than hard work. A big dollop of luck. Planning. Taking calculated risks. I chose not to work for a nice safe corporate, choosing startups instead. Much less job security, more share options, higher salary, always knowing my job could disappear in a week.

I was careful not to have my only child until my career was established and I was well into my mortgage. I didn't go part time or allow my career to suffer. Private school was great for DS, only possible because he won a scholarship, but the occasional boarding facility also meant I could continue to travel for business.

I have the life I wanted but have taken care to maximise my income all the way through. I'll pay off DS' student loan so he has an equal or better start than I did. He'll have a better degree, better connections, better support but he knows he's got to put in the hours & effort if he wants the same life. I've given him as much as i can to help him get there.

Snooker table in the loft was pretty middle class.

Round about 1985 snooker really took off as a sport and all the kids wanted a slate bed table.

I was working class and had to make do with a dart board in the garage.

same here, but I don't feel bitter about those who had private education.

same with me.

1980s my parents were a teacher and a clerk. Today these jobs would mean a household income of about £70k and give a similar lifestyle to my upbringing (home ownership, second hand car, camping holidays, hand me down clothes, free days out, eating out reserved for special occasions, couple of extra curriculars per kid). That is mainly because I live in the North where a 3 bed semi in a decent area can still be brought for £200-250k locally.

They went to fancy private schools, there was family money around, and when they married they were able to buy a lovely big family home.
Growing up, we went to private school, had nice holidays (often a few a year), and generally had a very comfortable lifestyle. My parents would go to balls, have dinner parties, entertain friends etc. None of it seemed particularly unusual in their circle.

Well no. It probably didn't seem unusual in your circle. I don't mix in these circles. Most of my friends lived in council houses that they rented and had parents who were in trade or manual jobs. There was never any spare money, kids shared a bedroom and I don't know a single person who was 'gifted' any family money whatsoever. You must KNOW that you were highly privileged? The lifestyle YOUR parents had is hard to achieve nowadays, but then it always was for the majority of people.

My Dad grew up in a large family with no indoor toilet, no central heating and a father who worked in the steelworks whilst his Mam was a housewife. He was bright and benefitted from a grammar school education and became a teacher. (Noted for their extravagant pay, and ability to live a luxurious lifestyle with multiple foreign holidays. They are always so reasonably priced for families in school holiday time)

We lived in a very ordinary house and were better off than a lot of people I went to state school with. Like pp have said, it was a caravan holiday once a year generally. We had a very average lifestyle. First time I went abroad was a school French exchange when I was 14.

@watchingthishtreadthere still is money around but my parents are still alive they’ve invested there money and still very much using it to enjoy retirement