Being forced out of family home?

[chexxx]

My friend has been getting divorced for a while but it’s dragging on.

House in both names, 3 kids, 1 is an adult now though. Both living in the house.

My friend has a boyfriend for about 6 months or so but he’s never been to the martial home- he has his own house and my friend will visit him there.

Her husband has a girlfriend too. Recently the girlfriend has been at the marital home every day. My friend thinks she’s moved in but hasn’t been told officially. So my friend, her husband and his new girlfriend plus the 3 children are living in the house. My friend thinks this isn’t healthy for the kids but husband won’t listen, it’s become very hostile.

Now the husband and new girlfriend have started moving my friends personal belongings out of the martial home and into a shed in the garden which isn’t watertight. She comes home from work and puts things back but they keep doing it.

I feel like this is abusive and she is being forced out. She was told to stay until the finances and divorce are settled.

She doesn’t have any family to move to nearby, and she wouldn’t move in with her boyfriend this soon especially with children.

How can I help her?

Can you take all her stuff in for her? Just to keep it safe. She can stay in the marital home with a suitcase of clothes, for the time being.

She should also take photographs of what they are doing, video it if possible. I am pretty sure what they're doing to her skirts the boundaries of what is legal. She should not be harassed in her own home.

She needs to stay put, in the house.
Make it clear she's not leaving until the finances are settled.
That she will not be 'giving' him the house; she'll need half the full equity.

She's fighting for her future here. She needs to not give two shits about the fact he's 'older' and 'closer to retirement', especially when she's at a disadvantage financially because she took more career time out for their mutual children when they were younger.

Are you a lawyer?

You know some other things that are perfectly legal to do in the house?
Learning the drums, bagpipes and violin. Cooking kippers. Repeatedly opening all the windows except the one in her own room for ventilation and turning the heating off (buy the kids fan heaters and headphones). Fostering rescue puppies that need a giant pen in the living room. Hosting the book club in the living room. Helping the children with giant LEGO/school projects that require the dining table every night from 4pm until bedtime.

I hear houses sell better when they have a fresh coat of neutral paint too - maybe time to get out the dustsheets in the living room?

I assume she has already stopped doing any housework other than her own room/dishes and helping her children? At absolute max she should only be on the hook for a third of it now there are three adults living there, so that amount should cover her share nicely and the others can clean their own toilets.

Solicitors letters are not legally binding though. He could have chucked it in the bin.
@chexxxI’d advise your friend to have some emergency leave from work and stay in the house solidly for a few weeks.
A lock for her door.
I know you say she’s passive but could she go nuclear on him if you were there ?

I like how you think.

She needs to play him at his own game , send the kids away for a few nights and get her boyfriend round.
i can’t imagine why the dad and another women would do this in a family home with children present.

She should get back in the master bedroom,tell the husband and girlfriend this is my bed you can both piss off to the spare room .

Be profession and strong; get a lawyer.
Send in a letter; mediation now or else I will also request 1/2 of your pension.
Force the sale of the house.

I'd get the police round saying this girlfriend is illegally occupying the home and stealing/damaging my property.
Why isn't the house on the market?
Her solicitor needs to start coming down on him!

Your friend needs to make the woman feel uncomfortable. Turn off the TV. Take the remote control. Play loud music. Take over the kitchen and leave her washing up in the sink. Spend hours in the bath. Wake her up in the middle of the night. And worse! You can help her by joining her for wine and laughter in HER front room.

Solicitor now -no other course of action will work,

Can the children be encouraged to have regular noisy sleepovers? Are there any friends and family that the DH doesn’t like? Hopefully some of the visitors will ask the girlfriend all the awkward questions that your friend is too weak to ask!

Burst into the bedroom while the couple are in bed and say that you’re looking for your slippers. Do it a few times every single night so that their sex life is disrupted! If they lock the door, yell and bang outside the door ‘have you seen my slippers?’

Unfortunately your friend needs to go see a solicitor and follow their legal advice. She may find it overwhelming but unless she does so, she’s not going to get anywhere.

You've got it in a nutshell

The advice they gave me at the time was clear in that I should call the police if he does bring people to the house without my consent as it could be seen as harassment. It never came to that thankfully

She needs to file a police report if her items are being removed from the family home. It is still her property. If husband wants her out he needs to pay her her share of the equity.

Exactly. She's being a total fucking doormat and needs to wise up.

There may be help available in the form of their house insurance, malicious damage to her possessions by a guest may well be covered.

If she doesn’t act quickly, the girlfriend will be allowed to stay under “implied license to occupy”.

Great that she has you OP, fighting her corner, but she’s got to grow a spine and do this herself. It’s her life, her future. She needs to see a family law solicitor asap, and stay put in the joint owned property. That’s harsh, but absolutely crucial.

Your friend needs to call Women's Aid, this is after all domestic abuse.

M

Please, no-one do this. I have watched the Panorama BBC TV programme about child s.xual exploitation (r.pe) where the young victims said that no-one believed them as victims including the police. Things have improved apparently BUT false allegations are incredibly harmful.

She must have no self respect.