Being forced out of family home?

[chexxx]

My friend has been getting divorced for a while but it’s dragging on.

House in both names, 3 kids, 1 is an adult now though. Both living in the house.

My friend has a boyfriend for about 6 months or so but he’s never been to the martial home- he has his own house and my friend will visit him there.

Her husband has a girlfriend too. Recently the girlfriend has been at the marital home every day. My friend thinks she’s moved in but hasn’t been told officially. So my friend, her husband and his new girlfriend plus the 3 children are living in the house. My friend thinks this isn’t healthy for the kids but husband won’t listen, it’s become very hostile.

Now the husband and new girlfriend have started moving my friends personal belongings out of the martial home and into a shed in the garden which isn’t watertight. She comes home from work and puts things back but they keep doing it.

I feel like this is abusive and she is being forced out. She was told to stay until the finances and divorce are settled.

She doesn’t have any family to move to nearby, and she wouldn’t move in with her boyfriend this soon especially with children.

How can I help her?

Why isn't her divorce lawyer advising her?

What is the plan going forward? Will he buy her out, are they selling the house, or is she going to buy him out?

I know divorce can take a long time to finalise, mine took 2 years, but that's usually if one party is resisting. If they both have new partners I'm guessing they have been separated at least a year or two. Why is it taking them so long?

I would apply for an occupation order as he’s moved someone in without her agreement and is moving her belongings to a shed while she’s out.

I would also put a lock on her bedroom door to stop them doing that easily though they could easily break it off with no penalty.

The house would have to be sold, neither can afford to buy the other out. Husband is arguing that he cannot afford to buy elsewhere, and at some points has asked her just to leave. Husband is near retirement age whereas friend is a bit younger. She wouldn’t be able to afford to just leave with nothing, she doesn’t have a well paid job. I’m not sure exactly why it’s taking so long. She had a solicitor for a bit but could not longer afford.

She needs to get on to her solicitor ASAP and go to court for an occupation order. Make sure she takes lots of photos - of her stuff being moved and of the gf's things all over the house.

This is all insane. What has he offered her to buy her out? Courts will have to force the sale if he’s not offering half the equity. The situation obviously cant go on forever and presumably it’s been at least 6 months already.

He hasn’t offered to buy her out, he just wants her to leave and him keep the house. Even with half the equity he is saying he won’t afford to buy anywhere else and he’s nearing retirement age. There were solicitors involved for a bit and they kept suggesting mediation and the husband kept declining or delaying, it was costing my friend a fortune which she doesn’t have. The house was also on the market for a bit (when solicitors involved) but it fell through. My friend only wants half.

Has the application for divorce actually been put in?

if so they can go to mediation immediately.

the husband sounds delusional but many people are about divorce.

in her shoes I’d suggest moving as much of her personal stuff that is either valuable or of sentimental value into a storage unit so he cannot damage it.

how old are the kids?

She needs solicitors involved. It won’t cost her anything when they aren’t actually doing something but she needs something doing. Even if you can agree your own financial split ypu really need solicitors to do all the paperwork etc, and if there’s a dispute they are essential. If nobody has a solicitor, are they even in the process of divorce? Because if not that’s why it’s dragging on…

Why on earth would be think it reasonable that he keep the house and she get nothing? Is there more to it, or is he an imbecile? Tough if he can’t afford to buy anything else with his half. That’s life. Many people cant afford their own house either. My understanding is that a court can force a sale.

Ok, in which case she needs to arrange mediation. When /if he fails to turn up then mediation is deemed to have failed and she can go the adversarial route via court.

it’ll cost money but it sounds like her husband is delusional so it may need to be that way.

dies he work? Who does school pick ups?

She neefs to get another solicitor. She can't afford not to.

God can you imagine being that new girlfriend and actually thinking it's reasonable or sensible to move into your boyfriends family home with his wife and kids. What a weird weird person. Bet she walks round like she's the cat that got the cream not realising it's curdled.

Your friend needs to keep ID and proof of address on her person at all times in case they change the locks. She needs to put a lock on her bedroom door. And she really needs a solicitor.

Yes I have advised her about the mediation, I have told her to apply to the court for the finances I think she finds it overwhelming.

They both work average jobs, husband is older and will finish work soon. She has done all the caring for kids around work, she had school hrs jobs when they were younger but works full time now as they are teens.

I’ve been pushing her to get back on to a solicitor, but what can I do to help her in the immediate when herself and the children are living in such a hostile situation?

I can’t get my head around this other lady as well thinking it’s okay to just move in with them all living there? Since the split my friend has had a single bed in the box room.

A storage unit is more expense that I doubt she has money for. I can’t definitely offer her valuables to stay here if she likes. But it’s awful what they are doing.

The husband says because she has a boyfriend she should go live there and give him the house, as he is older. I understand his girlfriend also has a house so there isn’t a need for them to be at the martial home making my friend and the children feel uncomfortable and harassed.

My friend says when she and the husband goes to work in the morning that the other lady is still sat there on the sofa watching TV, when everyone else has left. The children come home from school and she is there.

It is genuinely my friend, not me. I don’t think she would do this, but she definitely feels harassed by the girlfriend in the home.

What an utterly horrible pair they sound. Her poor children, and her. So he can technically move in with her, but he’d rather make his children and their mother uncomfortable in their own home. Scum.

You/ Your friend needs to defend boundaries.

She’s not very assertive, hence why I’m asking for some ideas to help her.

Shes trying to stay calm and she doesn’t want to be accused of being the one in the wrong.

Your friend needs proper legal advice and to get the divorce underway. Her friends and strangers on the internet can't say what she should do.

Has she tried having her partner over and staying for dinner/the night? Move him in too!

How much equity on the house? eg 500 k (lawyers now!! cost can be recouped and covered later) or 50k ? (Still a lawyer needed but try to search wikivorce for free advice on next steps before spending all equity on lawyers)

This is seriously doormat-ty behaviour and needs to be addressed by a psychologist along with a self-esteem issues.
It's also not a question what is easy to do, how one will look like. It's about a responsibility towards yourself and your children. Not some wushy idea of 'being 'nice' person'.

Do you work? Do you have a few days available …. I know this will escalate the drama somewhat but can YOU move in too (he’s moved someone in so she can too by his logic) sleep on the sofa or on the floor of her room, and be there in the day when your friend goes to work to see what’s going on.

Her DH will obviously question this, but if you’re more assertive you can calmly explain that it’s no more ridiculous than the GF being there when there are children and an inevitable house sale to sort. He will state he wants to stay, you can explain that cannot happen and a 50/50 split is what happens in divorces. If him & the GF think your friend is a soft touch you need to show them that with your help she is not.

Right so she did ask other lady to leave, and ask husband. Just the once. Lady refused and husband said “it’s my house I can have here who I want”.

She wouldn’t invite her own bf around to get involved, would just cause more friction.

About 200k equity.