Being forced out of family home?

[chexxx]

My friend has been getting divorced for a while but it’s dragging on.

House in both names, 3 kids, 1 is an adult now though. Both living in the house.

My friend has a boyfriend for about 6 months or so but he’s never been to the martial home- he has his own house and my friend will visit him there.

Her husband has a girlfriend too. Recently the girlfriend has been at the marital home every day. My friend thinks she’s moved in but hasn’t been told officially. So my friend, her husband and his new girlfriend plus the 3 children are living in the house. My friend thinks this isn’t healthy for the kids but husband won’t listen, it’s become very hostile.

Now the husband and new girlfriend have started moving my friends personal belongings out of the martial home and into a shed in the garden which isn’t watertight. She comes home from work and puts things back but they keep doing it.

I feel like this is abusive and she is being forced out. She was told to stay until the finances and divorce are settled.

She doesn’t have any family to move to nearby, and she wouldn’t move in with her boyfriend this soon especially with children.

How can I help her?

I'd be moving my own bf in the house and taking the girlfriends stuff to the tip when she's out but I'm an arsehole, it's probably best not to escalate the situation although that's what I'd do to the point that the girlfriend would refuse to stay at the house because of the crazy ex! If she was so inclined she could have a lot of fun messing with her 💐

Also, anyone can accuse anyone of anything. So what?

It’s a good idea but I do work, I also have my own family and children to look after so not possible.

She would definitely be welcome to come to mine if she really needed to but I don’t have a spare bedroom at all so would be a last resort for her and the kids. Plus she doesn’t want to be pushed out.

if the other lady is invited and the house is jointly owned she can’t legally chuck her out.

200k equity is lawyer money. She just needs a solicitor.

She works in a job where she could do without being reported to the police. So taking the girlfriends things to the tip wouldn’t be an option at all.

She is aware she can’t force the girlfriend to leave or chuck her out.

Yes! They could all live together like some 1960s commune!

Yes!!! I'd escalate. I can keep cool and also find kind of entertaining all sorts of situations where many would mentally collapse.

She needs to speak to her solicitor - this may mean taking on debt to pay for it. The goodness is that this debt will all be part of the marriage financial pot. As she need been working part time while raising the children she need the solicitor to look into pension split. Can you offer to attend solicitor appointments with her?

She can't legally turf out someone she does not want in her own home? That is pure insanity. How are the kids in all this? Do they not mind their family home being taken over by a stranger? How on earth is this in any way legal? Or ethical? Or moral? The whole thing is batshit.

The cost of a solicitor will be a fraction of losing her share of the house

She could point out that if he’s over 55 he might be able to buy through shared ownership, in some areas at least there’s more housing association supply for over 55s etc

https://www.sharetobuy.com/shared-ownership/older-persons-shared-ownership/

not sure how this works with kids but might be least worst option for him and a way of getting him to agree sale
whole situation sounds a nightmare

Kids are upset and uncomfortable.

She can potentially charge occupational rent if the girlfriend has moved in and the ex keeps removing her possessions. But she would need to see a solicitor to see if it would be applicable in the circumstances.

Can she afford NOT to have a solicitor at this point? A good one should provide a plan of action which will effectively take any need for 'assertiveness' out of her hands, once the wheels start turning.

It is psychological abuse at best what the husband and partner are doing. I cannot believe another woman would have the audacity to even be in the marital home before divorce while kids are there. She sounds like a red flag herself.

I think, in the long run, she will benefit from not escalating things and moving her boyfriend in. It would be even more unbarable than it already is for her kids, and those are the most important people in all of this. They didn't ask for this shit show and unfortunately she will now have to be the only stable parent when her ex is acting so appalingly.

She need to just force a house sale, even if she has to go to court to do it. Her ex isn't cooperating and won't even agree to mediation so it's going to have to be the long road. At the moment they are not getting anywhere and the months are just going by.

Poor lady. Is there anybody (extended family members) who can move in to make the new girlfriend feel awkward? Obviously kids would need to be in on it.

She needs a loan or credit card to pay a solicitor. She can't afford to give up 100k.

I think he’s sort of stringing her along. Lots of “we will sort it without solicitors” in the beginning, then change of mind and solicitors involved, agreed to sell house and then fell through and refused to market it again, back to Sol’s and then saying he will do mediation then didn’t. Just really dragging out.

She definitely wouldn’t move the bf in. She cares about her kids. It’s only been 6 months can’t say I’ve even met him but she seems happy with him and from what she’s said he’s a nice bloke.

So I just need to tell her she needs solicitors asap.

Both he and the GF are abusing both her and the kids, emotional abuse. Can she ring Women's aid for local support and advice and addresses of good solicitors who are experienced in this?
I think her quickest route is to force a house sale so she can get clear of him.
The kids are embarrassed and uncomfortable.. Sounds like he doesn't care a hoot about them, only about hanging onto the house.

Let him go live in his GF's house.

She needs legal advice for sure and she needs to sit tight. 50:50 is the starting point for splits in divorce and if your friend didn’t work as much so she was home supporting the family and enabling her horrible husband to work, then she may be entitled to a bit more??
There is not a scenario where he gets the house and your friend gets nothing. What planet is he on??
Maybe she could get a box and put all the interloper’s and even husbands stuff in then put it in ‘their’ bedroom to make a point.??
Your friend should just try to be calm and just keep repeating that she is not moving out and is entitled to half the equity and so the sooner the house is sold, the better.
You could suggest to her to report her missing belongings to the police rather than retrieving them straight away. The husband and his obnoxious girlfriend are being abusive really and deserve some scrutiny.
Could your friend put it back on the market?

This is abusive behaviour. You friend cannot afford not to have a solicitor. And she needs to start advocating for herself. Start by going after the house and his pension (assuming it's bigger than hers). And don't back down over this girlfriend. You can help here by exposing the girlfriend by telling everyone you know what she's up to - and making it sound the worse possible of the truth. Shame her. Shame him. And back up your friend.

Do a Clare's Law and Sarah's Law check on this girlfriend.
She is spending time around children she has no history with. Find out if she has a record.

Eta. Also report them for taking/breaking her things. Jeep records, claim it all back.

This is madness.
Your friend cannot tolerate having things thrown in the shed. By the husband or the new girlfriend.
Your friend needs to get some advice re : a solicitor fast. And ask about how they can do it for a low fee. And not be scared of asking. She will not be the first, nor the last. There will be a solution. Even if it is they take some of the money once the house is sold. A fixed fee will be preferable to a bill that spirals.

I would class putting your new girlfriend in your home, pushing you into moving out without selling the home and splitting the proceeds, the I assume arguing he should have custody of the children, putting your belongings into a shed as domestic abuse.
Call a DV helpline. Get advice there too.