Friend (more like sister) arrested

[notamumyetbutoneday]

I am in shock so excuse the muddled thoughts
i knew something was wrong as I hadn’t heard from my friend today. We text every day. I last heard from her at 5 o clock yesterday. No messages were delivering to her phone and her facebook account had gone. I messaged her pet sitter who said my friend had called her last night and asked her to had the pets unexpectedly.

at 3pm she rang to say she had been arrested at home last night and taken to a police station where she spent the night in custody

it’s insane it’s like a bad dream she wouldn’t do anything wrong she is a professional woman with an upstanding job

i was in shock I couldn’t speak her solicitor was driving her home

she was crying and couldn’t/wouldnt tell me what it was

shes with another friend now who lives closer who said she’s asleep

what on earth has happened I don’t understand why she would be arrested at home??

posting under an old username

I don't think they'd be able to prosecute her if she'd already been home for three hours. They'd only have circumstantial evidence.

I am struggling to believe this too.

I once found drugs in a taxi and reported it to the police and bear in mind taxis have cctv in them and I had also suspicions about the driver, due to his behaviour. The police did nothing. Absolutely nothing and driving people around was literally this man's job!

They told me unless they had solid evidence of him actually taking the drugs when he was working then he could say someone left them there. They did nothing.
So this seems unbelievable

The issue of whether or not she was over the limit will be resolved when the further test results are returned. If people at the venue were concerned about her driving they should have intervened
You claim she is like a sister to you yet you cannot support her at what is such a difficult time for her. You can hate what she may have done and it was highly irresponsible and dangerous if she is guilty. However your instinct is to pull away from her and not support her when she has reached out. Most genuine friends, especially ones who were as close as you have stated, would be there, no matter how difficult.

This.

It will be hard to prove given the time delay and police have better things to do than arrest a person at home hours later. I suspect this is partially to give her a warning because she is a repeat offereder. Venues literally make money from serving alcohol so it's not like they were shocked to see a tipsy woman. She must have been behaving suspiciously or starting arguments to draw their attention enough to be concerned. There is definitely a bigger backstory here.

As for supporting her, that's tricky OP because with all friendships the question is where we draw the line. I don't think you need to agree with a friends moral decisions all the time, you can still be a friend but it might be tainted now. I have family members (older generation) who would happily drink and drive only for fear of getting caught. They complain constantly about the police trying to catch people out. It disgusts me and I've had that argument too many times so I just accept out differences now. They know better than to mention it to me now

I did a very challenging daily drive for five years, with two route options including one of the busiest motorway stretches in the country. From the outset I realised that I simply had to decide not to drink, at any occasion whatsoever. It was really tedious at times as, when you are not drinking, you rapidly realise how often alcohol eases social occasions and how much people bend the rules around ‘just one’.

But there were six fatalities across my two routes in the time that I was doing it, so I feel that it was justified.

If people at the venue were concerned about her driving they should have intervened

Why do posters keep saying this? What do you think the venue staff should have done? Seriously? Forcefully take her keys off her? prevent her from leaving?

The question is do you want to support her or judge her? What she is alleged to have done has no bearing on you or your friendship.

I think that is an interesting point.

Choose option 1, what's the worst that could happen? A scowl? A sarcastic thanks？A thread on MN "AIBU to end thirty year friendship over big bum comment?"
Naff all in other words.
There is no law against 1 and no repercussions to speak of, but as you point out most people would choose option 2. So is there any need for draconian laws about how hurty people's words can be when the vast majority of people can be civil of their own accord? So now there are things which are possibly offensive to some but which are thought out, worth saying and hearing that do not get said or heard, and idiots get themselves into trouble over comments which are probably not worth sharing, reading or hearing.

It literally is a choice to not drink and drive. It is a hard choice (see my post above) but a very simple one. Just don’t do it.

You say no.
You don’t pick up the glass.
You ask for the alcohol-free alternative.
You ride out any comments or teasing.

Fortunately all she has to do is own it and take the penalty, rather than be involved in an accident or worse.

There but for the grace of God go many of us, myself included.

I know of a similar situation to this and I would say it is likely there is a lot more going on here than your friend is letting on.

It's really unlikely and very rare that someone would have reported her, certainly not someone from the venue, they are not paying that close attention or bothered about how people are getting home afterwards.

Unless she was clearly paralytic and someone saw her getting into a car.

I think you're getting half the story.

So either someone viewed her constantly with a drink in hand and assumed she drank them all but she was safe to drive or she did drunk drive. I personally wouldn’t drive after any alcohol and sipping from several glasses seems risky to know how much was drank. Technically though until proved otherwise she is innocent

How was that helpful or kind?

Years ago I knew someone who had got drunk in the pub and went to sleep in the back seat of his car, he was woken by the police and done for being drunk in charge of a vehicle, despite being in the back seat. All to do with having his keys on him or something.

It did to the comment u plank

Is there a possibility that someone might have spiked her drink?

Yes there is something weird about the story at this point.

If they knew, they ought to have stopped her at the time. Surely that is the normal response to seeing that situation unfold.

How do you think staff can stop someone driving? Grab her keys, tackle her to the ground?

Please your honour, someone spiked my drink.

You joke but I'd do it. My manager locked someone in the loo when I worked in a bar years ago.

I have taken someone's keys away before when I knew they had the intention of driving after 2 bottle of wine. They were too drunk to realise.

Then you and your manager both committed a crime. It is utter nonsense to say the staff should have stopped her.

It is legal to use the minimum force necessary to prevent a crime being committed. Taking away a drunk persons keys is a proportionate response to a potentially dangerous situation.

Maybe they did but if it saved a life I'm not sure i would care. Much like Jeremy Clarkson driving at 130mph to see his dad before he passed. He'll never regret it.

Me on the other hand, taking a set of keys from a family member where their car is parked on my drive behind my locked gates. Not illegal.

I still wonder what would have happened (if what she says is true) if she went home and just went to bed or she just peeked out, saw the police and just did not answer the door. I mean they can't come back the next day and do the test as that would be pointless. It really baffles me they went out of their way to call her her house and remove her from the property after a breath test at her own door.

They would have had to be following her or suspect that she caused an accident to enter her property to breathalyse. They could use force to gain entry if it was refused according to Judge Google.