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Original poster

Excluding friend from holiday.

134 replies

Mickey540 · 28/09/2026 20:20

What would you do ? If anything. DS in a group of friends 7 to be precise. They want to go away for weekend overseas for one of their 18 bday. Except bday boy wants to ask 6 leaving one out. Apparently birthday boy doesn’t really talk to him however he is in the group, a friend of my DS and few of others. I have tried to talk to my DS about leaving one out how would he feel, and can a few say they won’t go without him. I feel the friend is being petty and spiteful but this is not a good look on my DS who has been friends for years as have few others. His mom is also a friend of mine albeit not really close I would feel awful if when she finds out.
i have spoken to my child. Would you just let them get on with it. Most are 17, 2 are 18

OP posts:
Anarchy99 · 30/09/2026 13:11

If not everyone is happy about it, what’s the point? I’m amazed at how many people wouldn’t have an issue if they knew someone had had to advocate for their invitation.

i guess that is why friendship groups are a bad idea!

PinkHibiscusFlowers · 30/09/2026 16:10

Anarchy99 · 30/09/2026 10:16

Well it was silly to assume that. Why would you do that? If someone doesn’t ask you directly then it’s same to assume you aren’t invited.

What if she had asked you because she thought she should (rather than wanting you there)?

People talk about being left out but the loss of trust when you find out you were only invited out of duty is a lot worse and makes you doubt everything.

I hope people remember that when they are pushing their children to be inclusive.

After this, how do any of them know that the others are sincere? Or that they are being invited somewhere because someone’s mummy told them to do it?

Edited
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You are very aggy and heavily invested in this thread aren’t you 🙄😵‍💫

I was in my very early 20’s… I’m in my late 50’s now. it’s not that deep …. Anymore

I do remember feeling deeply hurt at the time and for a long time afterwards.
In our mid 40s at a chance meeting at a wedding the girl accepted that what she did was wrong and accepted responsibility for ruining our friendship all those years ago.

She was my best friend. We were inseparable.
I had no reason to think I wouldn’t be included. If anything, I’d have expected the other friend to be the one being invited - with hindsight, she was a bit of a mean girl.
My parents were shit- they couldn’t have cared less where I was let alone influence anyone’s choices… but that wasn’t uncommon at the time.
Sometimes things aren’t always black and white - if that’s not how you think, there’s no need to be so dismissive of the feelings of others who do.

The point of my initial comment is that when we are 18, the thoughtless actions of others who we consider to be friends can have a huge impact on us for a long time afterwards and this lad and his mates need to hear that from someone who knows, which in this case is his lovely mum.

momtoboys · 30/09/2026 17:20

Mickey540 · 29/09/2026 18:05

I know I feel like my hands are tied but I have spoken to him and he seems to have taken it onboard 🤞

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I'm glad you feel he has at least listened to your take on the situation. There really is nothing else you can do at this point. I think it is good that you tried.

Original poster
Mickey540 · 30/09/2026 20:10

PinkHibiscusFlowers · 30/09/2026 16:10

You are very aggy and heavily invested in this thread aren’t you 🙄😵‍💫

I was in my very early 20’s… I’m in my late 50’s now. it’s not that deep …. Anymore

I do remember feeling deeply hurt at the time and for a long time afterwards.
In our mid 40s at a chance meeting at a wedding the girl accepted that what she did was wrong and accepted responsibility for ruining our friendship all those years ago.

She was my best friend. We were inseparable.
I had no reason to think I wouldn’t be included. If anything, I’d have expected the other friend to be the one being invited - with hindsight, she was a bit of a mean girl.
My parents were shit- they couldn’t have cared less where I was let alone influence anyone’s choices… but that wasn’t uncommon at the time.
Sometimes things aren’t always black and white - if that’s not how you think, there’s no need to be so dismissive of the feelings of others who do.

The point of my initial comment is that when we are 18, the thoughtless actions of others who we consider to be friends can have a huge impact on us for a long time afterwards and this lad and his mates need to hear that from someone who knows, which in this case is his lovely mum.

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Exactly thank you x

OP posts:
Original poster
Mickey540 · 30/09/2026 20:11

PinkHibiscusFlowers · 30/09/2026 09:14

This happened to me, I was probably a bit older? Maybe 22? My “friend” who I started school with when I was 4 didn’t invite me with the group on holiday.
I was so upset, it hurt me deeply
The friendship was gone.

Yes lucky they seem to have included him now. Just hope he doesn’t find out they weren’t going to .

OP posts:
Original poster
Mickey540 · 30/09/2026 20:13

CoddledEgos · 29/09/2026 16:35

Agreed. I mean, I wouldn't invite my friends' friends on my birthday weekend unless I had a relationship with them. Nothing 'petty' about it.

Mind you, Mn continually astonishes me with the number of people who seem to hang around regularly, on a longterm basis, with 'friends' they either don't like, or just don't have any actual relationship with, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that so many Mners think it's totally reasonable to expect someone to invite someone he never talks to on his birthday weekend away.

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I think the point is it’s a group where they all mix all the time albeit the said two are not as friendly but they still however do everything in this group. So it’s not as simple as leaving one out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mickey540 · 30/09/2026 20:15

Boreded · 29/09/2026 23:09

Good for your son and his friends.

To the people saying your son is an adult 1) he isn’t, and 2) even adults have the opportunity to learn from their elders about treating people with respect.

If we don’t help our young men to learn how to consider others, is it any surprise they end up selfish men that our young women end up stuck with.

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This exactly. I want to teach him how to treat people and respect people and be kind. My son said this said boy poss wouldn’t do this same for him if the boot was on the other foot. But I told him I’m proud of him and two wrongs never make a right. 🤞

OP posts:
Original poster
Mickey540 · 30/09/2026 20:18

Ellie1015 · 30/09/2026 09:16

Well done to your son!

If birthday boy doesnt agree perhaps the group say no thanks to birthday holiday and organise a group holiday for everyone the following week. Sounds like birthday boy is using his 18th as reason to get his own way. Reality is it is a group holiday that happens to be on his birthday he should have no more say than anyone else on destination, activites when there etc.

He’s included for now and they are still sorting it. So fingers crossed goes to plan !
my son mentioned on the chat Again that he really thought they should include him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mickey540 · 30/09/2026 20:19

Thank you all for the comments and support. Hopefully it’s resolved he’s included In it now. ❤️

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