Excluding friend from holiday.

[Mickey540]

What would you do ? If anything. DS in a group of friends 7 to be precise. They want to go away for weekend overseas for one of their 18 bday. Except bday boy wants to ask 6 leaving one out. Apparently birthday boy doesn’t really talk to him however he is in the group, a friend of my DS and few of others. I have tried to talk to my DS about leaving one out how would he feel, and can a few say they won’t go without him. I feel the friend is being petty and spiteful but this is not a good look on my DS who has been friends for years as have few others. His mom is also a friend of mine albeit not really close I would feel awful if when she finds out.
i have spoken to my child. Would you just let them get on with it. Most are 17, 2 are 18

That's a tricky one, but at that age you need to let them get on with it. By all means provide advice to your son if he wants, which it sounds like you have. But ultimately it is up to him what he does.

But he’s not the birthday boys friend. So what if they’re part of a group. If it was just a group holiday then you might have a point. But it isn’t. It’s the birthday boys celebration and he’s entitled to only want his friends there.

Nah I disagree, it’s a horrible thing to do to someone. Unless birthday boy actively dislikes this boy or there is a difficult history it costs him nothing to include him. And DS needs to stand up for his friends and make clear that he isn’t up for excluding people

@Scarfitwere yes totally I think he will do what he wants. But this said friend drives them all round as he has passed test it’s so awkward !

@Lifejigsaw compeltely agree it seems just downright spiteful but I don’t see my son putting his head above the parapit. Crap situation .

@TheBossOfMe yes there is this but by enlarge they do most things as a group together albeit they are not the closest!

Sounds as if the birthday boy will experience natural consequences very soon when he isn't getting lifts any more.

Birthday boy sounds nasty.

Would you invite someone you don't talk to on holiday? I definitely would not.

A group of 17 and 18 year olds heading overseas to celebrate one turning 18?

What could go wrong? 😂

@Mumtobabyhavoc yep I’m with you on that one 😂

@Happytaytos i feel it’s really spiteful as he is everyone’s friend it’s just seems cruel!

@AnnaMagnani would you believe it he is the only other one who can drive 😤

I think it’s horrible too. They move as a group, then the group should go IMO

No I certainly wouldn't just let them get on with it, would be very clear that this isn't at all on if they usually do things together as a group. Presume the birthday boy isn't funding the whole thing? Or the accommodation isn't just for 6 people/his holiday home?

I would be really disappointed in my child if they went along with this.

Is birthday boy paying? If so he can invite who he likes. I bet he’s not though. In which case, it’s a group holiday and your DS and others can add people on if they wish. And IMO they should.

Your DS’s friendship will be seriously dented with left out boy when he finds out. Left out boy may understand that birthday boy didn’t especially feel close enough to invite him, but he won’t understand why your DS and others didn’t pipe up and say let’s add X in too.

I would use all the influence I had to stop this happening unless there’s a concrete reason. It’s shit.

@Lougle yeah I’m struggling with it tbh. Now said friend is taking them McDonald’s. So told my son he needs to say something otherwise it’s ridiculous 😤

@OneoftheWeddingPeople yea I know it’s difficult line, I have tried to persuade my son so I don’t know how it’s going to go down.

@minipie exactly he’s not paying and perhaps he feels he has nothing to lose but several of them as you say will damage the relationship with a long term friend. It’s really bad situation.

@mcmooberry no not funding just being mean and unkind. I don’t know how much I should be interfering at this age but we have both spoke about it several times today to him. He is out at mo with said group minus bday boy as ge doesn’t play footy 🤷

I’d be very disappointed if my child went along with this. And this boy is now driving them all around! They sound like a bunch of users.

If birthday boy wasn't accepting lifts, that would be one thing. But he's using driver boy. It's awful.

@Lougle no bday boy can drive the rest of them go with the one they want to leave o it. Only two can drive said bday boy and one he wants to leave out!